AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

[manicinsomniac]

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

[CoolaSchmoola]

OP I hope for your sake this boy's family aren't religious...

You may think Mothering Sunday isn't important but it IS a religious event, one which is devoted to spending the day with family attending the mother church...

If he is, and his family are of the mind to complain about religious discrimination by you scheduling an all day rehearsal on a religious event, then kicking him out for not attending that rehearsal thus penalising him for his faith you are going to have fun explaining that one.

As someone who regularly directs massive productions and who would NEVER schedule a dress rehearsal for a known calendar /religious event YABU - and all of your excuses (which is what they are) don't change that. You could have worked around it if you had tried - but as MD isn't important to YOU and you possibly didn't know the religious importance for some, you didn't care and did what suited YOU.

Nice. And discriminatory as you made a written rule that excluded any child who celebrates the religious Mothering Sunday.

Think you fucked up there and this could go badly for you AND the school.... I'd backpedals now if I were you.

[Chrysanthemum5]

YANBU I just don't understand the huge fuss about Mothering Sunday. DS (8) had a rugby tournament all day and its a commitment so he went with DH. I took DD to a party that we'd agreed to attend. If you make a commitment you stick to it.

[Pozzled]

I agree with Mrs malcolmreynolds

OP, YANBU. As you have said, you have reasons why it had to be today, the whole family was informed of the importance of attending rehearsals right from the start, and they obviously made no effort to contact you in advance to explain any (possible) extenuating circumstances.

I am shocked at how many people think you should make an exception for this one family, without even receiving an apology or explanation from the parents.

However, YABU to post in AIBU when you've obviously made your mind up already.

[Bowlersarm]

YANBU

He (and his parents) took on this commitment. His parents should have ensured he was able to keep to it.

[Sirzy]

But manic don't you see how having things compulsory at a weekend can make things hard for children and their families? the school week is 5 days not 4.

Out of interest is this a private school?

[ponyandpotatopie]

Boneybackjefferson - this isn't RADA. It's a school play and this child has practised for 5 months only to be chucked out at the last minute.

It's a massive commitment for a child to give up their social time - it's really precious time for a child after being at school all day. And rehearsing for 5 months! Poor kid.

[Bowlersarm]

sirzy he committed to it knowing that it involved a whole day at school this Sunday. If he didn't want to do that then he shouldn't have made himself available for the part. All the other children seemed to turn up today, won't a problem for them

[manicinsomniac]

shesparkles - I take your point but I think it's very unlikely that this family only realised on Friday that it was mother's day in 2 days time. Even if they didn't connect the dates straight away they should have noticed at least 2 or 3 weeks ago.

don'tmind - in many schools, yes. But all our parents are quite involved and our children all have plenty of life opportunity (private school).

I'm only really answering the questions now btw, I'm not not acknowledging that more than half have said we were unreasonable.

[Shoppinglist]

So are you going to reconsider and let him back in the play?

[CelticPromise]

OP YANBU. The rules were clear. People who are so bothered about Mothers' Day are at liberty to check the date and not sign up. Plenty of life continues on these 'special' days! I would have been playing rugby myself if not up the duff, DH went cycling, big fat hairy deal.

People who wish to go to church can go Saturday or Sunday evening or find an early service.

I don't get the massive deal over Mothers' Day. It's my first one without my mum, I still see no need for the world to stop.

[Sirzy]

how many 13 year olds really know what they are going to have on a sunday in 5 months time? Actually how many people know what they are going to have on on a sunday in 5 months time?

Unless the letter clearly stated "unfortunatly this rehersal falls on mothering sunday" then how would people have known it was a day which to a lot of families is important especially with mothers day being early this year

[DontmindifIdo]

OP - do you want DCs who want to do the play or only the DCs who's parents want them to do the play? This boy has parents who aren't committed to him doing extra curricular activities, so he doesn't get to do them and the school doesn't try to make it possible for him to take part.

This boy will never get to do stuff if his parents don't care about anything outside of academic work (you see that over and over, it's so hard for a child to overcome parental apathy if teachers don't step up). His education experience is going to be very, very different to other students in your school who have parents who want to give them every opportunity they can. You don't seem to think that matters. That is very sad.

[Sirzy]

People who wish to go to church can go Saturday or Sunday evening or find an early service

Only if those services are available. My church does one service a week.

[idshagphilspencer]

Glad my kids have teachers that are kid thoughtful human beings.....

[manicinsomniac]

coolaschmoola we're a religious school and I and almost all other staff are practising Christians. Events on religious festivals has never caused a problem in the past ... maybe this will be a first!

sirzy yes it is and yes, the events can be a pain (I'm a parent of the school as well as a teacher) but, tbh, we choose the school for our children knowing all this.

[idshagphilspencer]

kind

[fascicle]

Like mrsmalcolmreynolds upthread, I'm staggered by some of the responses on here. I had no idea that Mother's Day was an unmissable family day, taking precedence over signed up commitments. I don't understand why the OP is seen as punishing the boy, rather than the parents who have made the decision that he couldn't attend the dress rehearsal. Why couldn't they have been flexible?

If there are 70 children involved, presumably a number of them will have had to miss other opportunities to attend rehearsals - the process wouldn't work if everybody decided the play was no longer a priority after they had signed up, and that rehearsals were optional.

[StillStuck]

I agree with dontmind

Also, it is only a school play, from your op it seems like you have totally lost perspective.

[Sirzy]

So practising christians still can't see why a christian festival could cause problems? And you still can't see how that is unreasonable?

Madness. IDshap - I hope when my son starts school his teacher are like your childrens!

[manicinsomniac]

shoppinglist - I don't know, I doubt it. I'm going to show this thread to the main director (I told him I was going to gather opinions here!) but I don't think I've had my view changed.

Maybe if it had been a unanimous YABU I would have had to conclude that I was wrong but there have been several posters on our side too.

[VictorTango]

My heart says - On mother days? What were you thinking OP? Plan better next time!!!

My head says - I would have taken dd1 to any of her various activities today and not really thought that much about it.

Make of that what you will

[BoneyBackJefferson]

ponyandpotatopie

"this isn't RADA" and your point is?

RADA is just a school, would you still be complaining when they do the same thing?

[fairylightsinthesnow]

YANBU. Haven't read all six pages, but the first two. I work in the independent sector so I understand the issues about scheduling something as big as this and why it can't just be on a different day. You would be U IF:

1. you hadn't made it clear in writing from the outset
   
2. the boy's parents had come to you with sufficient notice about why it was especially an issue for them (bereavement or illness etc as some have suggested may make Mother's Day more of a deal)OR a big crisis near the time. Communication is everything, even with a less than life or death reason the OP may have acted differently if the parents had bothered to open a dialogue. if she doesn't kick him off, it is manifestly unfair to the other kids and hopeless for setting a precedent.
   
   If it was a religious observance of Mothering Sunday that got in the way, there are ways round that, and sometimes, choices have to be made. In my school we have a lot of Jewish boys and they just CAN'T be on the major sports teams that have most fixtures on a Saturday if they are not going to play on the Sabbath. It is not discriminatory, its just practical.

[WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy]

Im on the fence.

To start with I felt YABU, you're punishing the child because of the parents. Thats quite unfair. Of both the parents and you.

However, hes missed several other meets so I kind of lost my sympathy a bit.

Had he been to every one, every time then I would think YABVU.

[gardenpixie32]

Contracts, kicked out, warned.

Gosh, sounds like the army. Poor kid. I wish I hadn't read this thread :(