AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

[manicinsomniac]

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

puppymonkey, you're hoping that a blameless teenager messes something up and humiliates themselves just to teach OP a lesson about not being nice to a "blameless" teenager? Interesting logic.

I don't think mother's day is a huge thing to most people is it? I took DD to her activity on Sunday morning as usual, and all the mums sat in the café as usual. Most people had had a bunch of flowers, maybe chocolates, or a lie in. Then we were all getting on with our usual day. We're the parents of pre-schoolers though, does it turn into a massive extravaganza as the children get older? Should I be expecting diamonds and being carried round on a litter as the DCs fan me with palm tree fronds and hymns are sung in my name?

Yanbu. It would be unfair on the other children to let people start being cavalier with rehearsals.

Obviously you should be flexible with illness, special circumstances etc. but in those cases the parents should speak to you. I understand about not punishing the child for the parents' failings, but I don't see what choice you had int he matter.

However for the poster at a school with many Jewish pupils, who doesn't let boys play in sports teams if they can't play on Saturdays - I think that may be U. You might need to look at a way of accommodating regular religious attendance whilst also requiring commitment to the team, rather than excluding all observant members of one particular religion. I am sure there is a way of doing this.

I wonder too Smithson. Maybe about the same time Halloween became Very Important. I'm still baffled about that as well

Mothers Day is special to us within our family but only in a quiet low key way. And although we might do a family tea or dinner, a prior commitment to something would not be dumped because of it.

Well there's something else the OP hasn't really thought about, this is a private school, and private schools sell themselves on their reputations.

Other than the most top flight, famous schools, most private schools need good publicity. she better hope the parents really, really don't care about this play at all, because what she doesn't need is the parents going to the local paper. every private school round here makes a big fuss about their pastoral care, how much they put effort in with building up the DCs confidence, a sad faced 13 year old having been thrown out of the school play because he missed the rehearsal on mothers day (and they could easily drag up a "it's probably his granny's last mothers day and he felt it was important they spent it together") - and you've got a story for the local press that will counteract thousands of school advertising.

TomA ya- homemade card and cold tea in bed= sweet. Demands/expectations for presents/ obligatory family gatherings that trump kids prior commitments and interests= creepy and a bit bonkers.

Bedhopper - like what? If they can't be available to play in matches, they can't play in matches. Short of an entire reorganization of the entire national sporting schedule to accommodate them then I cant see a way around this.

Generally, I see entitled idiots in the Daily Mail doing sad face and whining about their school enforcing the rules and I think "Good for the school. Hope that DD goes to a school where they actually believe that rules and discipline matter" Maybe it's good publicity for parents who don't think the entire world revolves around them. 90% of the people who comment on those articles seem to also back the school.

And the parents may well find it backfires on them anyway. The daily mail might take the sadface picture, and team it with an article dripping with malice about the cost of the fees, and the cost of the parent's house and how they afford it and make total hate figures of them. I'd be very careful trying to get the papers to do anything, especially as the parents are likely to be well off and easy to set up as over entitled whiners complaining their diamond shoes are too tight.

Oh god those sad faced photo stories that papers do are my secret rofl. Where they have the wronged individual acting out some tableau usually with a relevant prop from the tale of woe or gazing mournfully in the direction of the source of angst.

OP YADNBU and I'm amazed by the number of posters who believe that one child's right to attend a mothers day lunch is more important than the other 69 children's.
This attitude is exactly why I gave up captaining my sports team. Trying to get through to some of the younger (teenaged) members of the team why it was important to commit was a nightmare.
This boy's family should have put the play first once he had committed to it. Illness would have been an excuse, mothers day is not, imo.

Rapunzel - yep a bit

It's only Mother's Day, it's only a play, it's only MN

Yanbu.

Another YANBU... If people would RTFT they would see that there is NO other day to have the dress rehearsal and the play is the same week of the same term EVERY YEAR because there is nowhere else to fit it in! Enough of the "you're mean and a horrid teacher". Jeez.

Bedhopper thats the crux of it though isn't it, on face value it's a perfectly reasonable assumption to think that group activites can be scheduled to suit everyone - dig a little deeper and it starts getting problematic.

In the case of Jewish kids joining a rugby team, lets just say you did manage to get the backing of all the other schools and clubs nationally to change the day of games do you change it to a Friday, meaning constantly changing times to avoid having matches finish after sundown during the winter, do you choose a weekday evening to avoid disruption to schooling but meaning tired players not at their best or a Sunday which kicks off the whole cycle again with it being the Christian faiths sabbath - who wins?

Fact is coordination of lots of people mean that there is always going to be someone who has a difficult choice to make, adjustments can be made sometimes, sometimes not. We all have to make choices and sometimes those choices get influenced by those around us. Yes it's sad when someone through no fault of their own misses out, but that doesn't justify completely changing everybody elses timetables/expectations.

In the OP's case that would mean organising extra training and rehersals for 60 odd people because of a family gathering for one person hours before their first performance. It just doesn't make sense - no-one is irreplaceable, and no-one should presume circumstances that haven't been explicitily stated - that could apply to the whole cast and crew, who knows what anybody has going on in their personal lives, all that really matters in this situation is if they agree to prioritise the same things for a short amount of time.

TomArcher - have you see this page?
Hear me wail

Why anyone would think that joining these ranks would be a good idea is beyond me.

That is brilliant thanks for the link

The chap trying to scrub off the green paint...

Why have the DM given the Incredible Hulk guy a loo brush to clean himself with? As if he didn't look silly enough already!

I think the school are in the right with this article. The family could just not use fabric softener at all and I find it hard to believe that a highly perfumed softener like that would be ideal for eczema.

Another one for you TomArchersSausage.

Mother's Day is important to me as well, DS is our third child but sadly we lost his brother to stillbirth and his sister to prematurity, so it has felt like a long time coming to be a Mum on Mother's day.

And this year was especially lovely as it was the first year he has been old enough to make a splodgy card at school and surprise me with it. But after the surprise and excitement of getting the card and watching DS share my chocolates with the dog we just got on with our day, which included me going to work later on. I can't imagine phoning in to say it was mother's day and so I wasn't coming in, while still expecting everyone else to go in and get on with it.

It's a lovely day, but it's not so important that in years to come we will expect to be the only family out of 70 that can be the exception to the rule if DS has a prior commitment to something he enjoys and wants to take part in. Or something that I would want to spoil months of hard work for, not just from him but from 69 other children and several teachers at the school.

His parents seem to be those people usually despised on MN, the entitled sort who feel rules are there for everyone except them, filled with confidence that they can flout them without consequence and then shocked to find they can't.

Maybe the other 69 families were annoyed about the timing, maybe not. Perhaps there were a lot of mother's postponing family meals until their child was back from the play, or going out on Saturday instead. Or doing nothing at all. But all of them still managed to let their children attend and will no doubt think it was all worth it next week when they are enjoying watching their children in the play.

Iamsparkly - yes, I see the problem. Are there no matches on any day other than Saturday? I was thinking that the Jewish kids could be allowed to be in the team and play on any non-Saturday matches (and perhaps some could be arranged) even though they are not available for Saturday matches. Perhaps this is unrealistic.

Youth football tends to either be saturday league or sunday league so any jewish child who cannot play on a saturday would just join a team that plays sunday league.

Yes, if there are no school football matches whatsoever on saturdays, and it would be difficult to arrange any with other schools, I can see that excluding observant Jewish boys is unavoidable. I understood the initial post on that to imply that the boys would be excluded because they could not be available for all matches (including the Saturday ones), and I thought that requirement could be waived - but I didn't appreciate that there were simply no matches on any other day but Saturday.

Yanbu. No child will ever get good at any hobby if they keep (/keep being made to) missing training or rehearsals for lunches. These types of hobby are the opportunity to be good at something and are practise for real life. You can't miss work/let other people down as an adult.

YANBU.

The "rules" were clear when the children signed up. Not only are they capable of reading them (said child is 13 and unless he has SN, should have understood the consequences), the parents are also capable of reading them - and should have done so before signing their consents. Sounds like they seem to think that there is one rule for them and another rule for the others.

If their ds was desperate to take part (but sounds like no, as he has missed rehearsals) but they knew that Mother's Day was going to be a problem, then they should have come to talk to the school, ideally before committing but definitely not just before the weekend.

I had to spend all yesterday at our local rugby club while ds played in an SRU S1 (=Y7) Rugby Festical in blizzards and hail (fortunately the club has good windows overlooking the pitch) . That's part of my "job" as a mother. I did get breakfast in bed though! :)

YANBU.

He and his parents knew the rules. Tough luck to the kid, really, because it's the parents fault. But it was right to follow through with the rules.

Thanks for the links! I had no idea others had tapped into this I'll enjoy reading those.