AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

[manicinsomniac]

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

Maybe the other 69 parents thought "Cheers school." But then they remembered that they were grown ups, and the last time they had a tantrum about people not dancing attendance on them on their "special day" they were 7, got a grip and moved on with their lives.

I suspect the Op wasn't enormously pleased that it was MD either. She probably would have preferred it to be the day after the last performance so she could spend the day lying in bed, eating chocolate bonbons and saying 'wasn't I marvellous" to her own children!

(Although it's more likely she'll spend the day after final performance dismantling the set.)

She's explained - at length- why it has to be that day. Maybe they shouldn't bother with a show the years that the relevant week of the calendar clashes with MD, Eid, Ramadan, Passover......

yanbu.

I do wonder if trying to do everything the OP listed on one day with no flexibility at all left in the time table is wise for such a large scale performance. Surely things like that should be built up over a few rehearsals leading to the big final run through to make it so it's less of a problem alround if a child can't make it for whatever reason?

Of course all families can have days where they have previous commitments or things to do they don't want to change. In such cases, they should not sign up for events where attendance is mandatory and they know they can't be there.

YANBU our local big professional theatre held auditions today for their summer kids show, the queue was round the building with Mums and kids who obviously took it all very seriously and didn't give a hoot about Mother's day.

But remember it wasnt down to the child not to be there, it was his parents, how do we know he didnt spend the day upset that he was not allowed to attend.

YABU to kick him out with just 3 days to go, how crushing for him. I can't imagine the anguish he's going through, he will probably hate his parents for quite some time because of this and he will certainly never forget their decision lost him his place.

I do understand about the contract. Perhaps the LFE here is that YOU should highlight any clashes with dates that change (Mothering Sunday) in the future. They could have talked to you before signing up then.
My DH had to go into work yesterday, it was for something arranged in December and of course he had no idea that'd be Mothering Sunday. He was gutted when he realised.

You say you'd allow it for illness. Cod you treat this (mentally) as that type of situation, accept that (by not highlighting a commitment was on Mothering Sunday) you are also at fault. Learn the lesson, make sure you highlight it next year.

Let the poor lad take part.

so you think rather than a generic contract that gives all the rehearsal dates for the play five months in advance and states clearly that attendance is mandatory, you think that it is the OP's job to go through the calendar and point out any clashes with any festivals and holidays? presumably for all religions and cultures? You think this is what a teacher should spend their time doing in case some parents get their knickers in a twist about mothers day?

Bonkers.

MrsWolowitz, they didn't 'spend their holiday without their kids' . Rehearsal finished at 5.30. Hardly close to bedtime for a 13 year old. A family meal, whether at home or in a restaurant, could easily have been arranged in the early evening.
Ridiculous also to imply, that after the initial flowers, chocs and hugs, kids will spend the rest of the day dancing continual attendance on their mum. Talk about smother-mothering, don't be so hysterical.

You miss the point.

The parents MAY be being unreasonable.

That does not make your/the school's behaviour reasonable. Scheduling a rehearsal on morher's day is insensitive and ridiculing families who take it seriously is even more so.

However, punishing the child by pushing him out is unreasonable. Doesn't matter how you try to twist it or justify it.

And your posts suggesting the family are not committed are frankly inappropriate. There will not be that many schools holding all day rehearsals this weekend with 70 participants. Your posts have made the boy and his family identifiable and you have run down their reputation on a public forum.

I hope for everyone's sake you are a helper not a teacher as your tale is as far away from child centric as it is possible to be.

Definitely not the ops responsibility to highlight days that maybe important to some. It is my responsibility to not commit to things that are on an important day for me.

The boy concerned had NOT showed full commitment throughout other rehearsals. Maybe the boy actually wanted out? We have no idea. He may have wanted to be home and thought he was irreplaceable a lesson learnt.

It would be very unfair on the understudy to oust them now they put the commitment in.

I am sure the op would rather have been with her family.

I as a mother or GP would have been delighted to go to the show this week. They could still have all had dinner together last night great end to a special day.

For whoever said good on him for putting his family first I will remember that next time I am schedule to work Christmas Day, Mothering Sunday etc as it obviously more important I put my family first. There was all evening and the morning he could put his mum first !

I agree Smithson. Signing up throws the ball in the parents/childrens court to put the commitment to the play in front of other stuff that might come along, even in 5 mths down the line (barring serious emergencies of course which are different).

If family gatherings are always going to have to take priority then probably best not to sign up for stuff in the first place.

Yanbu. The boy and his parents knew the rules and signed up to it. They knew the consequences and it's not about punishment, it's practicalities, he's missed rehearsal so he's not ready to perform. end of. Can't believe so many people think yabu.

Smithson6 Bonkers.

Too right. I'm gobsmacked that Mothers' Day has become a mandatory, all day family celebration without me noticing and that longheld, signed up for commitments, have become an optional extra.

I don't think it comes down to a straight YABU/YANBU. It's a shame (and I'm sure you felt that when you said he couldn't be in the play) but it's hard to see how you could have done anything else.

You've explained the reasons for the DR being on this particular day, and in any case it couldn't have been changed at short notice. It's inconceivable that you could have let him be in the play without doing the dress rehearsal, so I struggle to think what else you could have done.

This is a weird one. I have mixed feelings about it. In the family's position, I would have said, certainly the child has to go to the rehearsal. It's been agreed months ago, the commitment has been made, and I can't imagine why a mother would insist on having her children with her all day anyway. A few years ago, DD had to go on a guides' trip to London on Mother's Day and I was quite happy with that - I got the day to myself, after all.

The harshness seems to be in the fact that the boy is being punished for the obstinacy of the parents. So he's spent months rehearsing this play and now he can't be in it because his parents are being idiots. It also seems to be a case of "cutting off your nose to spite your face": if the boy had a big part, and had spent months rehearsing it, who's going to play it instead?

fascicle when exactly DID it become this huge thing? This year in particular I have started to feel like I live in an alternative universe. Maybe its a generational thing (old) but my siblings, partner and I all find it all a bit creepy.

YABU - hope your understudy balls it up

As for the "wasn't his fault" - I would guess in most schools there would be consequences if this 13-year old was late every morning. Even if he was driven to school and therefore lateness would not be technically his fault. No?