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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

482 replies

manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 18:51

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
Still18atheart · 10/03/2013 23:31

YABVVVVU

When I was at school a similar thing happened. the school play was just before easter and in the run up there were several rehearsals just before. One of these Sunday rehearsals happened on Mother's Day. The maority of the parents complained and the headmaster/director said sorry, slight over sight, rehearsal cancelled spend the day with your family.

That rehearsal was then moved to the previous day, that Saturday?

Why couldn't you have done the same?

McNewPants2013 · 10/03/2013 23:32

the stage was being set up the day before

LittleBearPad · 10/03/2013 23:33

FFS it's a school play not Henry V at the National. YABU

Still18atheart · 10/03/2013 23:33

I would like to add that the school this was at was private

Lucyellensmum95 · 10/03/2013 23:34

I didn't say she isn't dedicated but i would imagine that the lad is going to be really upset. Now you could argue that his parents are to blame, but maybe MD is the only time he gets to spend time with GPs, some people live far enough away that actually they can't do the lunch another time. Also, what would happen if the child was sick? Would he still be dropped like a hot potato? Mean and bloody minded if you ask me

FWIW i wouldn't stop my DD attending because it was MD but that is besides the point

Lucyellensmum95 · 10/03/2013 23:36

Im not sure how that is relevant Still18atheart

Maryz · 10/03/2013 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McNewPants2013 · 10/03/2013 23:38

I do think it does teach a life lesson, there are many jobs and careers which christmas, birthday, anniversary, mother's day, father's dayand many other calender dates that you may have to miss.

Indygoes · 10/03/2013 23:38

The one person who's being unreasonable here is the mother of the boy - she should have done what we mothers are bound to do, which is out her son first and let him go to the rehearsal. Surely the only reward we need as parents is to see our DC happy and enjoying the opportunities open to them - her mothers' day present should have been seeing him perform later in the week. Instead she got a Toby carvery today, a bunch a flowers and a bitter feeling because her son has lost out. OP YANBU.

grovel · 10/03/2013 23:39

YANBU. At all.

HairyHandedTrucker · 10/03/2013 23:39

yabu. and unprofessional talking about the child here where the parents might recognize themselves

McNewPants2013 · 10/03/2013 23:39

so why wouldn't you want the op teaching your child?

simplesusan · 10/03/2013 23:44

When you commit to something then you commit.

I think he should have made the choice at the audition stage. Either all rehearsals are attended or else don't audition.

My dd didn't audition for the school play when she was a similar age despite being asked to by her teacher, the reason was simple, her dance show rehearsals clashed for one day and one day only. The dance show had to be attended by the full cast-no exceptions -so she forfitted the school play.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 23:45

thisone I'm not stewing, I'm just too high on proplus to sleep a nightowl!

maddening and stillatheart I have already explained why we couldn't have the rehearsal on another day. Our hired set was collected by 2 of our team on Thursday night. Our staging and movable lights were delivered on Friday morning. We began putting it together on Friday after school. It took from 4pm till 1am on Friday night, 8am till 3am on Saturday/Sunday and we began our rehearsal at 9.30am this morning. When else exactly were we supposed to do it?! Pay for an extra week's set hire? Do the technical/dress without a set? Lose one week from a short term and perform last week, clashing with aforementioned internal exams and sports tournaments? Perform next week when several families will have left for holiday before the end of the run?
Agreed that mother's day is isn't the ideal date but sometimes you have to pick times that aren't ideal.

framey - eek, if it is the same one, I hope you enjoy it!

landrover - not everything we do at school is aimed at an adult's CV. What a bizarre thing to say. And we aren't spending anyone's money but our own on anything actually. Not that I don't think theatre is a valid way to spend a state school budget, I do. As important as new sports equipment or more computers etc anyway.

OP posts:
nevergoogle · 10/03/2013 23:45

YABU.
yuk.

grovel · 10/03/2013 23:48

How precious some Mums are!

blackeyedsusan · 10/03/2013 23:48

yabu to haave the rehearsal on motheing sunday in the first place.

(minor point) it may not have been the mothers decision. depends which set of grandparents it was... I may have been thumped for not taking the children a to a family meal (not saying that this is the case, but don't just blame the mother... it was the parents... )

also as a child I would not have been able to take part in something like this as I would not have had the support of parents to be transported round out of school time. it is a shame for the child that he has unsupportive parents and school is not flexible.

JassyRadlett · 10/03/2013 23:53

I'll out myself here as a former hothoused obnoxious theatre kid. I can see both sides if the argument, but have a couple if observations:

Firstly, different families have different traditions and different things they attach importance to. I get creeped out to receive an anniversary card from someone not my husband; my in-laws would be mortally offended if we didn't send them one. Some families attach huge emotional importance to Christmas, others could do without the fuss. One individual's perception of the relative importance of an event does not equal a universal truth.

Secondly, none of the amateur performances I've ever been involved in would have scheduled a rehearsal on Mothers Day. I get the professional values and I've been in shows like that, but you need to recognise that these are kids with families.

Thirdly, if bump-in seriously took 19 straight hours someone needs to take a look at your logistics plan to break down how prep can be done in more manageable chunks, or maybe scale back the ambition slightly.

Fourthly, it sounds like you need to work on the kids' voices if so many of them really need the radio mics. I don't know your theatre setup obviously - maybe the acoustics are crap and you'd need them anyway - but from what you've said there seems to be a disconnect between your production values and the abilities of your cast. And radio mics won't do them any favours long-term.

Upshot? YWBVU to be so inflexible with your scheduling in the first place and not recognise that this might be an issue, but YANBU to follow through as everyone else followed the rules and I bet there were some pissed off parents that you haven't heard about.

grovel · 11/03/2013 00:05

Does anyone think a father would make a fuss about this on Father's Day? Like hell they would.

FakePlasticLobsters · 11/03/2013 00:10

If this had been the boy's mother posting, to ask -

"AIBU to make my son miss a very important dress rehearsal of a school play he has been rehearsing for months, when the other 69 children also in the play are all going to be there, despite us knowing months ago that he was expected to be there or he would lose his place in the play, but I want him to stay at home so we can go out for dinner because it's Mother's Day"

  • there would have been an avalanche of YABU's to that woman for spoiling all her sons hard work and being so entitled and selfish about a made up holiday.
grovel · 11/03/2013 00:16

FakePlasticLobsters, turning an argument on its head is often right. Quite agree.

FloraFox · 11/03/2013 00:32

YABU not only to this kid but to a good number of the families of the 69 kids who did go to the rehearsal. You might think the date is arbitrary and not particularly important but surely you can see that a huge section of the population thinks otherwise. If it were half a day or a few hours it might be different but I think it was unreasonable to set the rehearsal for Mothers' Day in the first place and also unreasonable to punish this boy.

You clearly don't think you were U so not sure why you've posted here.

CadleCrap · 11/03/2013 02:53

YANBU.
When did MD become so important? I just remember making Mum a cup of tea and letting her stay in bed a bit longer. Now it seems to be expensive presents, meals out and as someone up thread said ME ME ME

Hallmark have marketed that well!

If I was the Mum, and Infound out that my DS wouldn't be in the play because of me I would be mortified and change plans.

MrsNPattz · 11/03/2013 02:54

I think you were really harsh, family is far more important than a play. Good on him for getting his priorities right!

SpecialAgentKat · 11/03/2013 03:44

Yes, I'm sure the thirteen year old willingly (he knew the rules) lost his part in the play so he could have lunch with his mum and grandparents. It wasn't his parent's idea at all...

OP, still NBU. Lots of excellent points made eg the understudy, the reverse AIBU, the fact he wouldn't know what he was doing in the three story building, missed the H&S talk...

His parents were really selfish here. :( Glad to know your HT will back you up if when they kick up a fuss.

Good luck, make sure to tell us how it went!