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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to feel so upset cos no-one has made any effort on Mothers Day?

92 replies

needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 17:17

Yes, I know there are people who no longer have their mother with them, and way too sadly, people who would just like to have their children with them today and my heart goes out to those of you in that situation. So in a way, I know already I am being unreasonable and a bit spoilt brattish. But for the 1st time since I had children, Mothers Day has just been like any other Sunday. I have 2 older teenagers, one living at home, one not. They have both sent me "happy mothers day" messages on FB... but otherwise, you wouldn't know it was mothers day. Don't get me wrong, I really, really don't expect gifts, or even cards. Just a bit more acknowledgement than a FB message that it's Mothers' Day. I guess it's just time to face up to the fact that Mum isn't that important to them any more. But it hurts.

OP posts:
greenfolder · 10/03/2013 17:22

i hear you!
i am reflecting on the fact that from 11 i saved my pocket money to buy my mum a card and bunch of flowers. and have done so, as a minimum from that point to this- including my dmil- and i am now 45.

my teenage daughters show no such inclination- following my birthday when they failed to produce even a card, i told them outright that the bank of mum goodwill was empty- i didnt expect much but i did expect a card and a token gift. this is good manners and shows respect and appreciation; bearing in mind the effort expected for their special days.

today they have bought a card each and a small gift. you need to tell them.

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2013 17:23

I'm sure they'll do more when they get older, at the moment they've got older teenager Important Things to do Grin

InMySpareTime · 10/03/2013 17:24

Unfortunately, I was in charge of Sunday school, I had a meeting for work, and it is DDs birthday, so I was never going to get much out of Mother's Day.
I got a planted tulip bulb and card (which I did as the Sunday school activities, so did most of myself), otherwise, not even a mention of the day.
I did get to put my feet up (I am the "warm place" for the bread I made this afternoon, it's in a bowl on my lap!) but I have baked biscuits, made lunch, making homemade pizzas and put 2 washes on.
Roll on MondayGrin.

honeytea · 10/03/2013 17:24

Aww I'm sorry to hear your mothers day wasn't great. I was that daughter last year, my little sister (she is 9) told me that my mum had said "not even a card from my naughty grown up children!" I felt so bad. This year I am a mum myself and I have a whole new respect for my mum, the time will come again when they realise they need to show you some appreciation on mothers day.

Original poster
needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 17:26

thanks Greenfolder, glad I'm not alone. Mine have always done really sweet things for Mother's Day... not expensive things, but thoughtful.

Agent ZigZag, how old are your DCs?

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GregBishopsBottomBitch · 10/03/2013 17:27

No card or gifts for me today :(

IloveJudgeJudy · 10/03/2013 17:29

I agree with greenfolder. They need telling! It's the thought, not the actual thing. We have 3 teenage DCs and I did remind them all week, because I know that I would have been upset if they hadn't thought of me and bought a card and a token present. Luckily, they did remember. This means I don't feel rubbish. I like them to think of me as I think they take me for granted a lot of the time. I think DC are encouraged to be selfish. For example, there's an advert on TV where the girl points and the parent/dad buys. The thought behind it is that you, as a parent, are supposed to get your DC exactly what they ask for. I think that's not a good message for life.

When you're feeling up to it, I would tell your DC that you were a little upset about the fact that they did nothing to mark mother's day. Ask them how they would feel if you did nothing for Easter/tooth fairy, etc. Get them to empathise a bit. I'm sure it's just thoughtlessness.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 10/03/2013 17:30

I did get cards courtesy of the school making them and dh doing something on the computer, but the dc's have generally been a pain in the arse once the 30 seconds of giving mummy cross was over. Dh has been hammering away at a work bench all day and I'm cooking dinner so pretty much like any other day.

We lost Mil a few months ago, and my dm died age years ago so don't feel much like celebrating anyway. Would be nice to be a bit appreciated though.

Snoopingforsoup · 10/03/2013 17:31

Awww, I would feel just like you do. I think you should tell them you were a bit hurt by their lack of effort. Some kids are so used to taking Mum for granted, they need a reminder. They're old enough to take it, but I bet deep down you realise how much they love you.

shrimponastick · 10/03/2013 17:32

Nothing for me either.

DS (15) hasn't so much as mentioned it. He has cash. There is a shop which sells cards, flowers, chocs a five minute walk away . But nada
Had wine which made me weepy.Sad

Original poster
needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 17:34

thanks. I know they didn't forget, just didn't do anything. Don't get me wrong, we've never done major things for such occasions, but they have usually done something nice like breakfast in bed, home-made cards, or a little thoughtful gift. Spent the morning supporting DD in one of her hobbies, DH has spent the afternoon watching sport, and I just feel really down and undervalued. WOuld have gone out and left them to it but all my mates are doing Mothers Day things, which doesn't help!

OP posts:
Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 10/03/2013 17:37

cards ffs not cross.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 10/03/2013 17:38

I was tempted to sweep out in dramatic fashion but I couldn't guarantee that it would have any effect so I didn't bother. Grin

Sorry to all those who are feeling a bit shit. Hopefully karma will bite them on the arse!

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2013 17:39

They're only 12 and 3 YO needtoname Grin

I was just going on what the adults are like that I know, and reminding your mum you love her does seem to get lost at some point before they remember how to do it.

roastednut · 10/03/2013 17:50

I don't know how people could not do anything, I mean it's shoved down our throats marketing wise for weeks. A card is no effort at all is it!

Original poster
needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 17:51

I think the hardest is that 15 year old DD has always made it a really special day, with homemade cards, or a homemade cake, or wrapping up something of her own she thought I'd like. So am feeling like I've failed as a Mum because I see other Mums, even those with children of the same age, being showered with attention today. Have also now had wine Shrimponastick, which isn't helping and am now in floods.

OP posts:
Original poster
needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 17:52

errr, thanks roastednut. That helps Hmm

OP posts:
roastednut · 10/03/2013 18:00

It's just their age I'm sure, you're not the only one to get nothing. Just tell them it's not on and it's not much to ask to show a bit of appreciation once a year is it.

dashoflime · 10/03/2013 18:00

I commiserate with you all.

This is my first mothers day as a mother. DH did nothing. Apparently he "doesn't believe in those capitalist hallmark holidays"

Obviously, International Women's day has a much more right-on pedigree and that's why he lavished me with attention 2 days ago. Except, oh yeah, he didn't Angry

I sent him to the kitchen at 3pm to make me a fried "breakfast" because this is what I expect on my special day. He did a good job. We are friends again now.

Original poster
needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 18:03

but you shouldn't have to tell them.. have been married for 25 years and a Mum for 19 ..... what's the point if you have to tell them? Doing something because Mum gets upset if they don't isn't the point, really, is it?

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minicreamegg · 10/03/2013 18:06

Well I've been fuming all day too, my FB newsfeed is full of photos of flowers, cards and eating out. I got a cake what my DS made at school on Friday ! No-one has mentioned going out for dinner (DH, DD 14, DS 9) so I'm sitting thinking that tonight they can have a pizza cooked extra long!

montage · 10/03/2013 18:07

"I guess it's just time to face up to the fact that Mum isn't that important to them any more."

I would just take it as a sign that Mother's Day isn't that important to them rather than that you aren't OP.

I am guessing that in general teenage world it probably doesn't figure much these days.

GirlOutNumbered · 10/03/2013 18:09

Don't be friends on Facebook and then they may have to do something inRL.

shrimponastick · 10/03/2013 18:11

No going out for dinner here either.

Ah well. Plenty more wine. And gin.

Unmumsnetty hugs to all who are in the same boat. >

Original poster
needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 18:11

thanks Montage... and I do get that. This might sound sexist, but it hits me way harder that my 15 year old DD has decided that Mothers Day isn't that important (because she would "get" that the day is important to me) way more than if her 20 year old brother hadn't done naything more than send a quick message.

OP posts: