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AIBU?

... to feel so upset cos no-one has made any effort on Mothers Day?

92 replies

needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 17:17

Yes, I know there are people who no longer have their mother with them, and way too sadly, people who would just like to have their children with them today and my heart goes out to those of you in that situation. So in a way, I know already I am being unreasonable and a bit spoilt brattish. But for the 1st time since I had children, Mothers Day has just been like any other Sunday. I have 2 older teenagers, one living at home, one not. They have both sent me "happy mothers day" messages on FB... but otherwise, you wouldn't know it was mothers day. Don't get me wrong, I really, really don't expect gifts, or even cards. Just a bit more acknowledgement than a FB message that it's Mothers' Day. I guess it's just time to face up to the fact that Mum isn't that important to them any more. But it hurts.

OP posts:

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Horsemad · 10/03/2013 18:11

Teens are so wrapped up in themselves that yes, you do need to remind them! In an ideal world you wouldn't have to, but there you go...
I've had nice gifts but I suspect my DH arranged them. I've had a nice day doing nothing - but that's because I've just sat down and let everyone else get on with it, not because they are pampering me!

shrimponastick · 10/03/2013 18:11

No going out for dinner here either.

Ah well. Plenty more wine. And gin.

Unmumsnetty hugs to all who are in the same boat. >

needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 18:14

Horsemad, kinda get that about teenagers... but have had teenagers for 6 years... and first time MD has been sidelined. Probably why it's hard, I can't put it down to teenagers because my teenagers have always come good up til now

OP posts:

Horsemad · 10/03/2013 18:14

We're gaving takeaway because DH didn't realise that cooking dinner involved roasting a chicken

needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 18:16

enjoy your takeaway Horsemad.... am leaving this thread now, just wanted a rant and am now feeling worse than I did before x

OP posts:

Horsemad · 10/03/2013 18:17

Well I think they do become a bit self obsessed, even if previously they've remembered, so maybe start withdrawing a few favours and get them thinking...

Horsemad · 10/03/2013 18:19

I'm sorry need hope it's nothing I in particular have said.

Get your DH to remind them that it might be nice to think of Mum occasionally. XX

montage · 10/03/2013 18:21

If it helps to amuse anyone I decided to take control of the day myself and tried taking DS (intellectually disabled) out for lunch and in his enthusiasm he knocked my water over my lunch.

I then tried the cinema (could've been a nice sitdown for me ) but he couldn't settle and after he had spilt yoghurt over me we gave up and left.

I tried taking him into the flower shop but he understandably chose a balloon there instead and then he bit that anyway.

I seem to have spent a lot of money on attempting to treat myself without any actual benefit yet!

toddlerama · 10/03/2013 18:27

Oh montage what a day!

needtonamechange sorry you had a crappy day. Next year, be very clear in the week leading up to it that you would like some form of recognition. Whatever it is, spell it out. And have some from me.

montage · 10/03/2013 18:36

I feel I have at least done my bit to support local buisnesses toddlerama

gardenfan · 10/03/2013 18:44

Sorry you feel so hurt, but i am sure that this is not an indication that they love you any less. love can be shown in so many ways, a smile, a hug, an affectionate message etc, please feel secure in the knowledge that you are loved and appreciated every day, not just on mothers day

Writehand · 10/03/2013 18:54

I think one of the very, very few advantages to being a lone parent is that your kids appreciate you and see you as a person, not just a parent. I'm their only parent, so on Mother's Day I get cherished. Tulips, chocolate and a card with a really moving message written inside from them both.

I used to make a fuss of my own Mum when I was a kid, but she had my Dad too, so I didn't think of her as needing my appreciation let alone support. Selfish little cow I was.

needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 19:41

the worst thing is that even as I penned the OP, I thought they were maybe having a laugh, and that MD would be celebrated this evening, round the evening meal. But no, not a thing. Am way more upset than when I first opened this thread.

OP posts:

GirlOutNumbered · 10/03/2013 19:49

It's just a day that the card and flower companies love. Do you feel valued and loved normally?

SquirrelSpit · 10/03/2013 19:54

YANBU! Sorry you had a shit day too.
Today is my first mothers day (dd is 13 weeks) i didn't get a card, or even a verbal 'happy mothers day' from anybody. I was actually and embarassingly looking forward to it too. I keep welling up a bit over it, i just wanted a card that said 'mum' on :(

needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 19:55

so you didn't get anything special either then GirlOutNumbered?

OP posts:

Horsemad · 10/03/2013 20:05

Girl is right though - we should be raising our DC to be thoughtful all the time, not just on a day marked on the calendar as MD.

Writehand · 10/03/2013 20:07

SquirrelSpit, I'm sure your 13 week DD would've got you a card if she could. Did your partner not know how much it would mean to you, or is there no other adult who could have got one for you on her behalf?

needtonamechangeforthis · 10/03/2013 20:09

totally agree, absolutely. But it's very easy for those of you who have had cards, gifts, meals out, TLC, been made to feel special etc etc to fob off those of us who are feeling a bit undervalued by saying it's not just about one day... when you've been spoilt and made a fuss of.

OP posts:

Horsemad · 10/03/2013 20:17

I know need, but you are going to write this one off and make sure your DC know how much this has upset you. X

Rhubarbgarden · 10/03/2013 20:19

Squirrelspit I know how you feel; naff all here either from dh on behalf of my two preschoolers. I hate Mothers Day anyway because my Mum died a few years ago and it's just salt rubbed into the wound. I spent most of the day bursting into tears for that reason, and you know what, a bunch of daffs or a box of chocs from dh would have cheered me up a bit. But no.

SquirrelSpit · 10/03/2013 20:21

Aparantley DP 'forgot' despite traveling to see his own DM on Friday to give her a card and present. He is back at work tonight so on my own again and was just another run of the mil day. Just would have been nice, i know i don't have a lot to complain about, but i was actually suprised by how much it upset me.

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SquirrelSpit · 10/03/2013 20:23

It's shit isn't it Rhubarb - it doesn't take a lot of thought or effort either really does it, but would have meant a lot to us

Horsemad · 10/03/2013 20:25

All the mums with DC too young to do anything and whose DPs or DHs have made no effort should be giving your partners a massive kick up the backside on your behalf.

BumpingFuglies · 10/03/2013 20:27

They all knew. I went out of my way to get DSS's a card to send their Mum. They also made cards at school for her. My DS has not even wished me a Happy mothers' day. DP has not even glanced at me. I have been at work from 7am to 6pm, came in, cleaned loo, loaded dishwasher and ironed school uniform. I am properly fucked off. Even got asked what was for dinner.

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