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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's broke me.

77 replies

fedup218 · 09/03/2013 18:20

Won't drip feed.
Mum of 3, work full time. Husbands a lazy git. He gave his job up last year and has no plans to find other work. He's not depressed, he just didn't want to get up every day and provide for his family.
I sort the kids, do the majority of the housework, keep food in our bellies and a rood over our heads.
He goes out to the pub thursday, friday and saturday nights. If the footballs on he'll go more. He's an avid player of gold too.

I can't handle all the responsibility anymore, i feel like i'm about to have a break down. I cried and begged him to stay in with me last night but he went out with a friend he hadn't seen for a while.

He did the same for my 30th, he pissed off out with his mates and left me breaking my heart crying.

I think drugs may be involved, unsure but he has no money. So how can he afford to go out all the time??

Is it all in my head? i don't know, i don't know my arse from my elbow anymore.
Please help me before i end up on the mental ward.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 09/03/2013 18:21

Leave the bastard.

And I never say that.

You'd be better off without him.

almostanotherday · 09/03/2013 18:22

Leave him

DeepRedBetty · 09/03/2013 18:22

If he's not working where's he getting money for pub from?

Original poster
fedup218 · 09/03/2013 18:23

How? I have been with him since i was 14. I have no confidence at all.
All i do is work, clean and cry. Every day.
My day off is today and i have cleaned the house because he won't.

OP posts:
BlackholesAndRevelations · 09/03/2013 18:23

And golf? That's expensive. Leave him.

YouTheCat · 09/03/2013 18:23

Leave him. You are doing everything anyway so do it without him there causing you stress and upset.

What makes you think drugs are involved other than him having no money?

DeepRedBetty · 09/03/2013 18:23

Posted too soon, forgot to add LTB.

Raum · 09/03/2013 18:24

Don't leave him, show him the door.

Original poster
fedup218 · 09/03/2013 18:24

Deep i don't know. Not from me! I pay for everything and the money is all in my account. I don't give him anything.

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 09/03/2013 18:24

If you're not giving him money he must be getting it from somewhere!

You'd be better off without him, he's doing nothing but bringing you down, you'd be better off financially if you weren't keeping him too - tell him to leave

BlackholesAndRevelations · 09/03/2013 18:25

Oh you poor thing. Have you got any relatives to support you if you left?

HollyBerryBush · 09/03/2013 18:26

How is your life enriched by this situation?

it isn;t is it?

Pack his bags and put them on the doorstep

Original poster
fedup218 · 09/03/2013 18:26

I'm trying to build up the courage to leave. My confidence is shattered.

OP posts:
Original poster
fedup218 · 09/03/2013 18:26

Btw he's not even a cock lodger as we don't have a sex life.

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 09/03/2013 18:27

I understand it'll be difficult to gain the confidence to either throw him out or leave yourself, if you've been together so long. Can you and your children go to stay with your mum or a sister or a friend to try and get some strength?

Wonderland121 · 09/03/2013 18:27

You have 2 options

Stay with him & live this awful life forever or

Leave him & move on with your life.

I know which I would do.

Uppermid · 09/03/2013 18:28

But you're already doing it without him, he brings nothing to the relationship. You know the answer. You've asked him to change and he went out. He isn't going to change, there is no magic wand that you can wave , there is nothing that anyone hear can tell you to say to him that will make him change.

He is a shit, you need to start looking out for you and your children. You can do it, you already are.

MammaTJ · 09/03/2013 18:28

You are coping now, you will cope without him. You will be stronger on your own because you won't be hoping for/expecting help and getting none, you will just be doing what you already do.

Who have you got for support?

Can you tell him to leave and change the locks on one of his nights out?

livinginwonderland · 09/03/2013 18:28

next time he goes out, call a locksmith and change the locks on him. get a (preferably male) friend to come and stay with you as he'll probably kick off when he returns, and be prepared to call the police. he has no right to treat you like that and you deserve SO much better. pack his bags and drop them off at his mothers and leave him to it.

Portofino · 09/03/2013 18:29

I would tell him to fuck off to be honest. Why should YOU leave. Do you own or rent?

Tabliope · 09/03/2013 18:29

You shouldn't be the one to leave - he should. Have you got some family members to come round and you all tell him (to avoid him getting nasty)? He's adding nothing to your or your kids' lives and you're still young. Life is too short to waste it being miserable.

Original poster
fedup218 · 09/03/2013 18:30

Living- he would probably kick the door down. He's a handy bloke, does boxing etc.. He's huge and he's very strong. My male mates are scared of him.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 09/03/2013 18:30

I agree. This man is useless and he needs to leave.

But that is so much easier said than done. Do you own the house? Rent? In whos name?

If you pay for everything then you really do need to figure out where he is getting his money from.

If you want to leave, MN is a great place to get practical advice on what you have to do, and moral support to do it.

Please realise how strong you are! You are working, bringing up kids and runnng a household all by yourself. Nothing will change in that respect. You just wouldnt have a deadweight dragging you down.

ChairmanWow · 09/03/2013 18:30

That's understandable fedup. I don't think it's as easy as chucking him out, shutting the door and getting on with your life, especially having been with him since you were 14. Try to imagine what your life will be like in 12 months if you stay with him. Will he have changed or will you still be doing everything while he takes advantage of you? Then try to imagine life in 12 months if you throw him out. Yes, it will be hard it you will be moving on, your self-esteem will be improving and you won't have the emotional drain of a partner who doesn't respect you.

Rosieeo · 09/03/2013 18:31

God, just leave him! What's the point in being with someone like that? It doesn't matter how long you've been with him, you don't need him. He contributes nothing and you do everything on your own. Get rid asap.