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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little bit surprised and annoyed at this?

37 replies

Greydog · 08/03/2013 18:39

Today I have been to a funeral for an old, dear friend. One of the so called mourners was taking photos of people at the crematorium. I couldn't believe it. And not discrete pictures either - full camera set up. It made me really angry - I felt it was so disrespectful. What do you all think?

OP posts:
CabbageLooking · 08/03/2013 18:40

Unusual certainly. But perhaps s/he had been asked to do it? Really depends on the motive I think.

CaptainSweatPants · 08/03/2013 18:40

You mean like family photos?

Cherriesarelovely · 08/03/2013 18:42

As Cabbage said it is a bit strange but is it possible that a family member asked the person to do this as a reminder of who came to the funeral? Difficult to know how to respond though if someone asks you to pose for a photo at a funeral.

Original poster
Greydog · 08/03/2013 18:42

Just pictures of who was there, and no she hadn't been asked to do it

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Floggingmolly · 08/03/2013 18:43

Hugely inappropriate Hmm. Why would you do this?

LindyHemming · 08/03/2013 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CloudsAndTrees · 08/03/2013 18:49

Who was the mourner. If it was a close family member, I'd think it was odd but would leave them to it. Anyone else, very disrespectful.

Original poster
Greydog · 08/03/2013 18:50

not a family member, but a "friend" who's a bit of a hanger on to be honest. I hope that they wont be on FB later, but will let you know if they are!

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QuanticoVirginia · 08/03/2013 18:51

I was watching a documentary about this. There was a photographer who offered this as a service for funerals in the same way you would have a photographer at a wedding. The funeral they showed was quite a big one with bagpipers and everything at a very picturesque church.

The photographer then produced an album again in the same way you get get at a wedding. The family said they liked to look back on it because due to their grief and upset on the day they missed a lot of what was going on an they found comfort in the photos showing how much their loved one would be missed. There were lots of photos of people touching the coffin an looking pensive.

Not really my thing but I suppsse it's horses for courses

hiddenhome · 08/03/2013 19:29

That all sounds a bit Victorian Sad They used to take photos of their dead people. I wonder if pics of dead relatives are going to start appearing on the dreaded FB Shock Perhaps undertakers could start specialising in post mortem duck faces Confused

LemonPeculiarJones · 08/03/2013 19:33

Jesus. How intrusive and inappropriate. Did no one ask her to stop? Do you think she might have okayed it with the family beforehand?!

LemonPeculiarJones · 08/03/2013 19:34

Oh just seen that she hadn't got the blessing of the family Confused

Is she a photographer?

Magimedi · 08/03/2013 19:40

YANBU

Totally out of order & showing no respect.

Thanks for you at the end of a sad day.

thezebrawearspurple · 08/03/2013 19:42

Why did nobody ask her what she was doing?

BabyRoger · 08/03/2013 19:43

YANBU.

Disrespectful.

HairyHandedTrucker · 08/03/2013 19:47

are you sure she hasn't been asked? horrible

TheFallenNinja · 08/03/2013 20:01

I discovered my xsil had taken pictures of the mil in the open coffin at the chapel of rest. She was a real freak show about funerals. Loved them.

She is very ghoulish.

Original poster
Greydog · 09/03/2013 06:18

Magimedi - thanks for the flowers! Zebra - I think most people were too taken aback, and then concerned as we Brits often are, about causing a "scene"

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thanksamillion · 09/03/2013 07:30

Is the photographing friend from the UK? I only ask because where I live in E Europe it's totally normal to 'record' a funeral like this. In fact they do full on photos of the open coffin, often with the whole family standing round. We've been asked to take photos a few times but usually chicken out and give the camera to someone else because it feels so intrusive to us.

Original poster
Greydog · 10/03/2013 14:38

Hi, Million, no they're from the N west of England - and yes - the pics are on FB today. Sigh.

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eosmum · 10/03/2013 14:55

On Facebook! What do the closest family think? I still havent gotten over the shock of my sister sending my aunt a photo of my fathers remains in the hospice a couple of hours after he'd passed away. She was coming to see him in the funeral home the following day for the funeral.

LemonBreeland · 10/03/2013 15:02

I would have to contact the person and ask them to remove the photos as they are disrespectful.

Funeral photos on fb is truly awful.

HairyHandedTrucker · 10/03/2013 15:07

I'm sure FB would remove

Pandemoniaa · 10/03/2013 15:08

This may sound weird but, as a photographer, I have been asked to discreetly capture funerals. Sadly they have usually been of very popular people who have died relatively young (in their 40s and 50s). Now it would never occur to me to take a camera to a funeral but I've been contacted by the families beforehand and asked if I would mind taking pictures. Obviously I wouldn't put them on FB but what the families do is up to them since I wouldn't presume to know how they are trying to cope with their loss.

Original poster
Greydog · 10/03/2013 15:08

Don't think the family are aware. But there's already "likes" on FB. Sometimes I wonder of it's me! And then I read the kind posts on here. Thanks everyone

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