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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the health visitor this morning was a cheeky old bat?!

114 replies

lumpybumps · 08/03/2013 12:50

So my very lovely health visitor is off on maternity leave and I had a stand in this morning for DDs 6 month review. She was a total bitch to me. Here are some of the things she said-

'Two babies and your only 24? You have been busy, whats the rush?'

'Do both your children have the same father?'

She told me I should not have a dog- that babies and dogs are not a good mix and I should either keep him outside or 'get rid' of him. (FWIW dog is an 9 year old westie, who has grown up with kids since we got him when he was 8 weeks old. I would maybe understand if he was being boisterous but he was lying in his bed like a slob the whole time she was in'

I should not have a flat screen TV on a stand on the floor- they are extremely dangerous if toppled and it should be put on the wall immediately.

I am foolish for having a toybox and small childs chair infront of the window in living room as children might climb out the window, and she 'hopes to God I dont have my toddlers bed pushed against a window upstairs' Of course I dont!

When asking about 6 month old DD'S sleeping said recently she had been getting up a few times through the night crying but was easily settled with the dummy and stroking her head. She told me I need to let her cry it out, as by going to her and stroking her head and giving her attention I am 'rewarding' her for crying

AIBU in thinking she was really rude or am I just being over sensitive?

OP posts:
KatAndKit · 08/03/2013 12:51

She was being very rude.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/03/2013 12:53

YANBU and I would complain to my GP practice about her.

HumphreyCobbler · 08/03/2013 12:53

I think she was really rude

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 08/03/2013 12:53

she sounds a bit of a dragon tbh ring your surgery and ask that someone else comes instead until your own is back... if you are due any more visits that is.

Fairylea · 08/03/2013 12:53

She was rude.

Health visitors often enjoy being on a bit of a power trip.

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/03/2013 12:53

Health Visitor bingo that is.

midastouch · 08/03/2013 12:54

How rude, im 24 and have 2 DCs same father i might add and i have dogs. Id complain and ask for a different one while yours is on maternity leave, i had one very much like yours he was so rude i complained to my midwife and she spoke to the heallth visitor for me bless her

Pagwatch · 08/03/2013 12:55

She was rude. Take no notice and don't see her again. She sounds awful.

fedupofnamechanging · 08/03/2013 12:56

She was rude. Health visitors can be a bloody menace sometimes - I really think they need to go back to the drawing board and be trained properly on how to speak to people without causing offence to new mothers who might be feeling vulnerable.

I think I would be inclined to contact the local health authority and put your views on record - they really shouldn't be allowed to get away with this kind of shit.

Just in case you didn't know, you don't have to see her - it is a service which you are well within your rights to refuse. Your doctor's surgery can do immunisations etc.

PopeBenedictsP45 · 08/03/2013 12:56

Rude, rude, rude. Did you give her the sharp side of your tongue?

cantspel · 08/03/2013 12:58

She was rube but does have a point about the tv and toybox.

cantspel · 08/03/2013 12:59

rude even

ChaosTrulyReigns · 08/03/2013 13:02

How actually old was she.?

Bumply · 08/03/2013 13:02

That's the problem.
There's the odd nugget of useful advice but if they put your back up with opinionated rubbish (cc) and downright rudeness (same father quip) you're going to dismiss everything they say.

MajaBiene · 08/03/2013 13:04

She was rude.

The advice about the TV was important though - apparently flat screen TVs toppling is a huge cause of childhood injury now - but she obviously didn't deliver it very well.

ibizagirl · 08/03/2013 13:05

I had a nice young one and then an old bag as a stand-in. She asked me whether i had "thought about suicide as you are a lone parent". WHAT?? She also asked me why dd's father and i had split. I didn't tell her anything, not that there was much to tell. And of course their eyes are everywhere. "have you got a moses basket?" she asked me. "no" i replied. "good because they are dangerous. Don't buy one". Silly things like that. Same as nappies. Asking me whether i was using terry nappies. She could see i was!! Stupid woman.

PopeBenedictsP45 · 08/03/2013 13:06

I think the advice about the TV was sound, too, but it was a bit diluted by all the barely veiled insults.

Snoopingforsoup · 08/03/2013 13:11

She was being rude. She's a HV, not a critic. If you have any more run-ins with her, I'd consider making a complaint.
My experience of HV's is mixed and I know they're not all nice and I actually had a real go at one who was being a b*tch. She wasn't being helpful or nice, she was being judgemental, rude and so I snapped back and told her so.
It's unfortunate that health professionals are allowed to come into your home and say such stuff. 'Rude and abusive behaviour not being tolerated' should be a two way street.

LaalRatty · 08/03/2013 13:12

My HV told me she loved my dd's pram as it was getting rarer to see a baby lying completely flat and not sat in a car seat, swing, bouncer or bumbo seat. The one that came after her said I shouldn't have her lying completely flat and to put her in a bouncer. Hmm I just smiled and nodded then did whatever the hell suited me. She spoke to me like I was an idiot, told my ds not to play near his sister then asked me to fill in a form about suicidal tendencies. I felt low after dd2 was born. The mw was lovely but she must have prompted the visits from the hv's.

Original poster
lumpybumps · 08/03/2013 13:15

Thank goodness im not just being oversensitive! I was shocked the way she spoke to me, She made me feel like a total crap parent!!

Another question she asked was 'does she ever cry and you dont know what to do with her? ' Confused

Chaos she was at least late 50's.

I am thankful she told me about the dangers of the TV as TBH it was something I had never really considered but it was the way she said it, that i had to do it IMMEDIATELY. did she expect me to stand and hold it up to the wall all day until DP came home with a bracket? I just said ok thats smething I will look into.She said well make sure you do!!

As for the toybox- do you really think its a big problem? My living room is quite small, the window takes up the majority of one wall and obviously they are never alone in there for more than a minute or two while im up at the loo or making a bottle! If im leaving the room the window would be closed!!

OP posts:
MajaBiene · 08/03/2013 13:18

Keep the windows shut/locked when you are not in the room and then it isn't a problem.

Pagwatch · 08/03/2013 13:21

I am in my 50s. I am not old or a bat.

If I behave like a twat I am just being a twat. I am not an 'old' twat. Why is being a middle aged woman worth an extra sneer?

She was being an arse. Her age has no more to do with it than does your age as a mother of two.

'The HV was being a cunt' covers the situation without invoking middle aged women as useless crones.

cantspel · 08/03/2013 13:21

Put a lock on the window and make sure the key is kept somewhere safe away from the window.

Viviennemary · 08/03/2013 13:21

I'm quite old fashioned in my views. But she was totally and absolutely out of order and you should say you want a different Health Visitor.

TheChaoGoesMu · 08/03/2013 13:22

Keep the window locked. Both my dc's beds are against the window because theres nowhere else to put them.
Your hv was very rude.

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