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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think the health visitor this morning was a cheeky old bat?!

114 replies

lumpybumps · 08/03/2013 12:50

So my very lovely health visitor is off on maternity leave and I had a stand in this morning for DDs 6 month review. She was a total bitch to me. Here are some of the things she said-

'Two babies and your only 24? You have been busy, whats the rush?'

'Do both your children have the same father?'

She told me I should not have a dog- that babies and dogs are not a good mix and I should either keep him outside or 'get rid' of him. (FWIW dog is an 9 year old westie, who has grown up with kids since we got him when he was 8 weeks old. I would maybe understand if he was being boisterous but he was lying in his bed like a slob the whole time she was in'

I should not have a flat screen TV on a stand on the floor- they are extremely dangerous if toppled and it should be put on the wall immediately.

I am foolish for having a toybox and small childs chair infront of the window in living room as children might climb out the window, and she 'hopes to God I dont have my toddlers bed pushed against a window upstairs' Of course I dont!

When asking about 6 month old DD'S sleeping said recently she had been getting up a few times through the night crying but was easily settled with the dummy and stroking her head. She told me I need to let her cry it out, as by going to her and stroking her head and giving her attention I am 'rewarding' her for crying

AIBU in thinking she was really rude or am I just being over sensitive?

OP posts:

girlwiththedragon · 08/03/2013 17:54

My HV told me not to let my older DD aged 7 play out because (I quote) "a child with blonde hair is more likely to be kidnapped". wtf??? I laughed so much

pansyflimflam · 08/03/2013 18:02

Do complain to her boss about her. I had one like this, she was an utter utter bitch actually. Bearng in mind I am in my 40's and this was my 5th child. She asked me allsorts of prying questions and gave me helpful advice about not leaving a baby on a table top and all that shit. She kept on popping in, far more times than she should and undermined me a lot (which takes a lot as I do know what I am doing). She kept telling me how tired I looked and how I would NEVER EVER manage 5 children without 'help'. She was a monster so I complained about her to her boss and she was reprimanded.

Seriously I have never made a complaint about anyone in the NHS I do feel like they mostly do a great job for shit money but this woman was horrible and I felt personally that is she was around a vulnerable Mother she would completely defeat them.

You do not have to weigh your baby or go for checks and you have the right to ask never to have this woman in your house again. Their job is to support you and your family and if you do not feel supported then get rid!

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/03/2013 18:07

Fut, when my ds was 11 months old he came home from holiday after a long car journey where he threw up for the last 200 miles. The local Dr came to see him and told us to give him liquids, and came in the next day and said he was getting better.
Except he was a lot worse, my ex met the HV while out (tiny village) and she came to see him, he had severe gastroenteritis and ended up in hospital for two days on a drip.
I remember her on the phone totally railroading the Dr, who completely caved in.
I still see her around all the time, she's in her late 70's now and still going strong.

thebody · 08/03/2013 18:23

Shame you had to call her an 'old bat'.

I havnt had the best experiences of health visitors but not because of their or my age at the time. I have dealt with some extremely stupid young nurses as well.

Anyway parking that!

yes she was tactless but why didn't you ask her to leave or tell her she was rude.

You don't have to admit a health visitor or see one.

Personally after one visit with ds1 I didn't bother.

LtEveDallas · 08/03/2013 18:24

The HV I had in Germany was lovely, and helped me get Premie DD settled on the breast when I thought I would have to express forever (not allowed to BF in SCBU). The one I saw in Shropshire (when DD was 6 months old incidentally) was horrible and upset my niece and I.

Some are nice, some are horrible. Isn't that true about everyone?

(Pope, my DD would be far more scared of a clown suit than my combats )

DeskPlanner · 08/03/2013 18:29

Horribly rude, but I agree with her point about the tv.

Tubegirl · 08/03/2013 18:30

Pope and Lt, I would be afraid of clown suit let alone dd. thank you Stephen King for ruining clowns for me with IT

toffeelolly · 08/03/2013 18:36

So rude, I would report her. No need for this!

bangwhizz · 08/03/2013 19:21

She had a point about the toybox etc
and the dog
and the 'same father' question is to do with medical history

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/03/2013 19:26

My HV drove around with her little terrier on her lap, it used to look like it was driving the car.
Single track roads, sparse population though, before all the catsbum mouths come out.

Original poster

lumpybumps · 08/03/2013 19:56

I did not call her an old bat to her face. Personally I think old bat is far less offensive than some of the things it's been suggested I call her.

Bangwizz, can you explain what you mean by how you agree about the dog? Surely I'm not the only mother who has young children and a house dog?

Yes, I've said that she had valid points about the tv- it's something I'm sorting but it was her tone and the way she judged me I didn't like. The window is locked in the living room so I don't see it as a problem.

Geez, I think I've been judged and patronised enough for one day.

OP posts:

hiddenhome · 08/03/2013 19:57

Health Visitors - nod, smile and totally ignore

Pagwatch · 08/03/2013 20:14

Fwiw. I would prefer to be called a twat than an old bat.
One is just randomly rude. The other is sneering and patronising.

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/03/2013 20:20

We need to find your most excellent MAW thread Pag, is it still around?

Pagwatch · 08/03/2013 20:27

It might be. I can't remember.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy · 08/03/2013 20:36

"They'll learn to roll of the bed at sometime, best not get into the habit." No shit sherlock.

The thing is though, luckily for me I have common sense. When I referred back to this sense, I asked it - will my 7 day old baby learn to roll 3 foot in the next 1.5 minutes? And my common sense gave me the answer of no.

Pagwatch · 08/03/2013 20:41

At least if he had fallen you could have posted in Gifted and Talented. So not all bad.

idiot55 · 08/03/2013 20:58

completly get why your upset, she sounds like a right nosey old bat to me!!

I would try to forget about it and hope you dont come across her agin, she might be retiring soon with any luck

Redbindy · 08/03/2013 21:04

Get rid of her. You obviously know so such more than the professionals, I'm surprised that you agreed to have any dealings with them in the first place.

Tubegirl · 08/03/2013 21:07

Pagwatch

cityangel · 08/03/2013 21:24

they are all complete ***es & if not that's because they haven't learnt it from the older ones yet. I was lucky enough that child 4 was thriving so this time round we escaped these hypocritical always late women who have too much power and no training.

Put it in writing your complaint copy the PCT, GP, midwifes you originally dealt with & anyone who can expose/ shame them.

Ask yourself if you can avoid having them near you and your child (ask a couple of family members to help with advice instead?) if yes avoid like the plague. They screw up heal prick tests, basic advice, weighing jabs & get paid to do it

bumperella · 08/03/2013 22:25

Huh. my HV told me off for putting DD on the floor (on a rug) in case "someone stepped on her". There was only me and HV in the house at the time, both of us perfectly able (physically, sight-wise, not drunk/stoned, etc), and it was bright daylight. HV generally have decent advice. But am sure like everyone else they sometimes say daft things.

As to what this particular HV said to you:
I dn't understand why your age is relevant - if you'd conceived DC2 a few weeks after the birth of DC1 then maybe someone pointing out that this isn't best health-wise would be OK.
The "same father" question may well be for medical history (but my HV was keen to emphasise that she wasn't a GP/nurse so she couldn't help with proper medical conditions) but sounds like was badly put, at best.
I think is unwise to completely trust dogs around children (and vice-versa) but a bit of common sense supervision sorts that out.
Children climbing out of windows depends on the type of window etc, but most toddlers become horribly capable of moving child-sized chairs to become "useful" step-ladders so am not sure that keeping living room windows clear of toy-boxes is a long term fix.
The crying at night thing - that's a whole other can of worms, everyone has an opinion. Personally leaving to cry isn't my style, but possibly becuase one of my DD's few skills is being able to sleep well!

kerstina · 08/03/2013 22:29

YANBU at all!! I am also surprised you are being pulled up of your choice of words. I think you were very polite. I think I would have called her an f rude old bat

LadyPessaryPam · 08/03/2013 22:29

Old bat here. never found my HV back in the dark ages any help at all. So smile and ignore.

kerstina · 08/03/2013 22:30

sorry a f ...

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