to think it's bloody rude to send your DC to a birthday party with NO card or present for the birthday child?

[ScaredyKnickers]

This has happened a few times now with different parties for my DC where one or two of the invitees have turned without even a card. On one occasion, the parent had not even replied, DC just turned up empty handed. These parents have never struck me as struggling for money and card can cost only 50p anyway. I would never send my DCs to a birthday celebration without a card and a present. Smacks of 'can't be bothered' to me and complete arrogance.

AIBU?

[KurriKurri]

You ranted for weeks Kenny? - do we have an acronym for 'get a fucking grip?' (GAFG - we do now)

[redwallday]

Homemade cards cost nothing. YANBU!

[crashdoll]

Kenny People like you make me feel quite ragey. What sort of message are you teaching your children? Lovely!!

[alemci]

do you tend to invite the whole class. we tended to keep the parties small and try to invite back children whose parties my dc had attended and dc my children wanted to invite

[TheMaskedHorror]

We have a few of the dcs friends over for birthday parties. They are friends and children that my dcs have fun with. I genuinely would not mind if they turned up without presents.
Last birthday party, I didn't even tell one mum that the get together was for a birthday as I knew she wouldn't be able to buy a present and didn't want her to feel guilty or her child to miss out.
I am really not materialistic and don't want my children to be either.

[HairyHandedTrucker]

birthday parties are for your child do not pretend you are doing it as a service for the guests. and if it were out of the kindness of your heart you would not expect payment. how bloody cheap to expect other parents to pay for child's gifts... so you haven't got to.

[FreudiansSlipper]

YABU

ds had a party so he and his friends could have a good time not for him to get cards and presents

he likes to receive presents but i do not want him to expect a present and at 5 i doubt cards have much meaning to him

[MrsLouisTheroux]

OP:Ok then. It seems IABU! Must be projecting my standards onto others!
Do you realise how you sound? You have standards ?
Do your standards include clocking who has/ has not brought a gift? That's pretty low.
You will never know why some people turn up empty handed because you don't live their lives.
Here's a thought, just be happy that they've turned up to help celebrate your DC's special day.

[MrsLouisTheroux]

kenny You ranted for weeks? Really? You need to get a grip.

[Bunbaker]

"A friend of my daughters turned up without a present and i thought it was damned rude. Havent read the whole thread but have seen lots of bold and italics fonts so i am presuming you had lots of "you are unreasonable". I dont think you are. I ranted about non present at daughters party for weeks afterwards. I thought it was bloody rude."

You are being utterly unbelievably rude, ungracious and grabby. Words fail me.

I will repeat my mantra.

Presence not presents are what make a successful party.

When DD was little and had most of the class for parties she received a lot of presents that she didn't need or want. I used to have to ask parents not to go overboard. Don't you know we are in a recession? At primary school in reception and year one DD went to loads of parties. One day she went to three in a day. That is a lot of presents. Luckily I can afford it, but not everyone can. If DD had been invited to one of your parties on the proviso that she arrived with an expensive present I think I would make my excuses and tell you she was busy that day. This is not the kind of message you should be passing on to your children.

[slatternlymother]

Now, before I was a mum I used to agree with the OP.

Now I am a mum and I actually have to do birthday parties, I am seriously considering asking people to not bring DS any gifts to his next party, but don't want to seem ungrateful. A lot of the time, gifts he receives aren't things he is interested in. Harsh, but true. So we end up with loads of toys that he never uses and just gather dust. I'd really rather people saved their money and just enjoyed the party. I buy him everything he needs, and I know what he wants and likes, so it's just easier.

[Kungfutea]

A lot of posters seem rather holier than thou on this thread, as though there is no social expectation of gift or at the least card giving at children's birthday parties. Of course there is! And not to follow this convention is a little rude - it doesn't have to be materialistic, as othes have said a home made card of drawing is also fine. That said, its not a big deal and certainly not the child's fault - also an opportunity to teach our own children about not being materialistic and grabby if they do notice.

We had a smallish party a few months back for dd. one of the girls turned up two hours early and no present or card. I did clock it, it was odd and, yes, a little rude (more the turning up 2 hours early though!). Whatever, it doesn't matter. Totally pales in comparison to the fab time had by all. I know this girls' parents are diplomats so not lacking in money but they're from a non western country so possibly not aware of the social convention of gift giving at birthdays parties. Who knows? At the end of the day, yes a bit rude but there are many reasons why it can happen - not worth sweating the small stuff IMO. Dd did notice as she was writing thank you cards and asked what this friend had given. We told her just to thank her for coming and say what a good time you had. Ddd was totally fine with it, of course, it was a non-issue.

[foreverondiet]

Yabu! I would prefer no one brought presents for my dc. They get nice presents from us, GPs aunts uncles. They don't need tatt from school friends. I end up recycling some of it but tbh some of it goes to charity shop as I'd be embarrassed to give it to anyone.

[crashdoll]

A lot of posters seem rather holier than thou on this thread....

Or perhaps we are not tunnel visioned and realise that there are often genuine reasons for not giving a present. I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice but I would not think it rude. That's what has got a lot of us het up.

[HoneyStepMummy]

YABNU. It is rude to show up as an invited (or univited!) guest and not acknowledge the person inviting you with a card or a gift. It's about teaching our kids manners and consideration. Homemade cards are lovely, and little homemade gifts or token gifts from the pound shop are just fine too. I think everyone understands that if someone can't even afford a homemade card then they can't and wouldn't even want a struggling parent to part with money they can't afford.
I recently took my 7 year old stepson to a birthday party at a gymnastics place. The parents had invited the whole class and had put a lot of effort in the food and cake, so obviousley had spent quite a bit of money. They requested that instead of toys and gifts the attendees bring dog food (!) or dog toys to go to the local animal shelter. I thought that was lovely, and since my husband wasn't working at the time I just bought 3 toys from the pound (well dollar) store.
I totally agree that it's not the gifts that make a good party, and if you feel the same way include on the invitation to please not to bring any.
Good manners don't cost a penny.

[longtallgirl]

The child probably felt uncomfortable about arriving empty handed. How lucky yours was to have a party, presents etc......

[cumfy]

or cover petrol costs

Ooooops!

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

kungfutea, a lot of social norms have come and gone because people thought about it and decided it was stupid.

I personally think the birthday party present thing is stupid, I want DD to have fun parties without ending up overwhelmed by too many presents, I want her friends to come without it being a PITA because the parents (its not the kids is it?) have to run out and get a gift

I'ld prefer if kids just got gifts from family, because with birthday parties there already is an exchange - the kids have turned up, their parents have given up time on their weekends to take em etc

[LittleTurtle]

I was so greatful when some kids showed up with presents for my lo. Did not expect it at all. One of the moms was not well off,so was especially greatfull to her.

Don't mean to be lazy, but I get a gift card, cause I know what it's like to get something you already have.

[dotty2]

'Homemade cards cost nothing'. Well, that's true, assuming you have have paper and crayons and envelopes in the house. There are plenty of people who don't and who really can't afford even 50p. And if one of my DDs' friends was in that situation, I would much rather they came and had a nice time. Parties and birthdays should be about friendship, not 'stuff'.

[AmericasTorturedBrow]

DS went to a 4yo party yesterday and the parents specifically asked for no presents. We hand-made a card because I think it's just good manners ot say thankyou for feeding and entertaining me/my child. But was grateful I didn't have to search out something within a tight budget (every child at DS's preschool invites everyone to their parties, that's a LOT of presents you have to buy) that the child might not want anyway.

If we do a big party like that I'll def stipulate not to buy presents, friends who are close to DS will anyway but I really don't mind (nor want the extra) stuff from preschool friends

[Fanjounchained]

I think YABU. Yes a card would have been nice ( a present is not obligatory in my book...) but as others have pointed out there could be a reason for the the child not having a card too.

DS was recently attending a party and I was hunting down a cheapish present. The mum was lovely enough to say "don't bother, it's enough that your DS can come on the day" which I thought was really nice but still wanted to get a wee thing. I ended up buying a box of face paints that had been reduced by 75% and a box of Maltesers. The woman at the checkout was a right moany cow. We were discussing children's parties at soft play centres and she said it's hardly worth it as you're paying anywhere between £8-£10 a head for the invitees and "sometimes you're only getting a fiver in a birthday card !" For some people it seems to be more of a commercial venture rather than a celebration of their child's birthday.

[helenthemadex]

Its actually sad reading how judgey, materialistic, grabby and entitled some people are being here. Its no wonder that some kids are turning into entitled little brats.

Personally I couldnt give a rats arse if people dont bring presents for my dc when they come to a birthday party, they will have plenty of presents, things I know they want from me and the rest of the family they dont need loads of presents.

Thats not me being holier than thou, its me knowing that my dc has given invitations to children they really want to come to their party, not for the gift they may or may not receive but because they want the child there to celebrate with them, and have fun.

[girliefriend]

This hasn't happened at one of my dds bday yet but at a friends dds party one of the mums turned up, dropped her dd off and just said matter of factly 'ain't got her a card or present - sorry' tbh I was quite

I am a single parent and skint to the point that at times my heart sinks when dd comes home with a party invite and I have to find the money for a present. However I would never ever dream of sending dd to a party with out something to give. You can buy 10 bday cards for £1 in card factory and I recently picked up a stamp sticker set for £1 in dun elm which will make a lovely present. So card and present done for £1.10.