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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be extremely angry that so-called friends dumped their backwashy alcoholic ice in my drink?

111 replies

drfayray · 08/03/2013 08:14

I have been told that I am being unreasonably angry. I don't think I am. So MN...please...opinions.

I do not drink alcohol - did not grow up in a drink-based culture and now do not like the taste. However, do not care if others drink.

I go Latin dancing on Saturdays and often some of us go out for a drink in one of the local bars in the street. Six of us go to this cool bar, and five order mojitos and one (guess who?) orders a lemon, lime and bitters. We sit, drink and chat. Others go on about how delish their drink is, how I should try it, why don't I drink, ad naseum. I just say what I usually do: don't like it. Now I am a slow drinker..sip sip sip...I notice that my drink is about half full when people were getting a second and so didn't bother. Then when I go to take a sip, I notice that my glass is full...brimming! Two twatish guys had dumped their ice from their mojitos into my drink!

My drink is spoiled. I do not want to drink someone's backwash mojito flavoured ice. Plus surely, mucking about with a woman's drink is not really a thing to do, is it? I am so angry I explode. I tell the two twats orf..saying what hell were they playing at? They offer to buy me replacement drink. I refuse. I wanted to finish MY drink. I only wanted the one. I leave - was going to go anyway.

Now the men are saying it was just a joke and I am over-reacting.

Am I?

OP posts:

BridgetBidet · 08/03/2013 11:08

OP, you do realise there's alcohol in bitters don't you?

TheBigJessie · 08/03/2013 11:09

Oh, in that case, not an amateur spiking attempt then.

drjohnsonscat · 08/03/2013 11:18

to those who are worried about germs, you know that someone picked up your glass with their germ-ridden fingers in order to pour you a drink in the first place don't you? They probably picked up somebody's used glass first to clear it away and then poured your drink. They may even have touched the rim of the glass. If you worry about this how do you ever go to a restaurant?

I don't have any idea what backwash is. Traces of mojito? They clearly weren't trying to get you drunk (which would be bad). They were just being silly. Sounds like a huge over-reaction to me.

ExpatWifey · 08/03/2013 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottieandmia · 08/03/2013 11:25

It's not a kind thing to do but I would have accepted their apology, I doubt they will try this again if they value your friendship!

Fakebook · 08/03/2013 11:31

Doctorjohnson, backwash is when you take a sip from a glass some liquid runs out of your mouth back into the glass. You know when you see a child drink whilst eating, and you look at the water in their glass, it has little bits of food floating about. That's backwash.

DPotter · 08/03/2013 11:34

Having been the victim of drink spiking by male work colleagues, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all for not to want people putting alcoholic dregs in your drink. However I think you realise you over reacted by stomping off.

Willow36 · 08/03/2013 11:35

I wouldn't have been happy but only because I hate lots of ice in drinks. I can't stand it when the ice makes my drinks go watery.

Nagoo · 08/03/2013 11:36

I think you are coming across really well OP, I'm loving the flouncy skirt

Yes, you probably should have let them replace it, but it was a stupid thing they did, and seeing as you were pissed off anyway I reckon next week just to say that: 'I was pissed off anyway', and you can get back on track again.

Tanith · 08/03/2013 11:36

The anger over their ice "joke" was a bit disproportionate - if taken in isolation.

But it didn't happen in isolation. I suspect it was the final straw after an evening of continually bugging you to drink alcohol and rudely refusing to respect your decision and the reasons for it. You need new friends!

The reason you exploded is because all that calm coping with disaster has left you with a lot of unacknowledged stress that has to find an outlet somewhere. Your dancing partners just happened to have got the full flow. Serve them right

You've had an awful lot to cope with and I sympathise. Maybe let that stress out more often in smaller, manageable doses rather than save it up for one big blast, though? X

saulaboutme · 08/03/2013 11:38

You were angry but could have accepted the replacement drink.

On the other hand I see why you got so angry. They shouldn't have fucking touched your drink!
I drink, sometimes alot (oh the shame), and been around people who don't drink and seen, esspecially blokes who just cannot accept that some isn't drinking alcohol. It's so childish!
If the subject comes up again tell them you don't give in to peer pressure, you're not a little girl! I have had to say to grown ups!!! that imagine it was their daughter or son in that position. Would it be ok to be harrassed into consuming something they said no to???

LemonPeculiarJones · 08/03/2013 11:38

Everyone who thinks it was ok and the OP is over-reacting might like to get together for a little boundary-pushing party, where they invade each other's personal space, transfer food and drink from their mouths into each other's glasses, and ignore each other's wishes! Make sure teetotal people are spiked with a little booze and veggies get meat paste snuck into their sarnies!

Sounds a hoot

CalamityJan · 08/03/2013 11:39

You over-reacted and were totally BU when you declined the offer of a replacement drink - for goodness sake, that was them apologising and recognising that they had been a bit twattish.

It is irritating when people go on about you not drinking - I would apologise to them for over-reacting, but say it was a reaction to the build up of silly and boring comments about you not drinking....

...except you realise bitters is highly alcoholic?

ethelb · 08/03/2013 12:22

bitters is not highly alcoholic. It woudl be like swallowing a bit of mouth wash accidentally.

Original poster

drfayray · 08/03/2013 13:34

Thanks for the replies. I must add that these are not friends but dance buddies. After the dance parties people tend to go to the bars for a drink or six . I happened to be around and was asked to join them. I dance regularly with the guys.

I do know bitters is alcoholic but it is a teeny dash of it in a large glass of non- alcoholic liquid.

I think it was the badgering of why I didn't join them perhaps was why I reacted the way I did.

But there is a really strong culture of drinking heavily here. I am often the only one who doesn't in these groups. Usually nice people but these two men are rather silly.

By the way, they apologized again - I saw them in class and accepted their apologies. And they did agree it was a stupid thing to do; messing with someone else's drink.

They also said they were impressed with my flounce .

I am getting good with my Latin dance turns!

OP posts:

Inertia · 08/03/2013 13:44

Glad it's all worked out in the end.

And FWIW I don't think it's all a big fuss about nothing either. It's disrespectful of them to badger you about not drinking, it's unacceptable to tamper with other people's drinks, and it is revolting for them to dump the dregs of their drink in your glass.

I'm intrigued to know what some people think would have to be dumped in the drink to justify the owner of the drink getting angry- where's the line? What if OP was driving and these men thought they'd put alcohol in her drink for a joke?

It seems that the men have realised that tampering with other people's drinks isn't a good idea, so hopefully you'll all be able to move on.

theodorakisses · 08/03/2013 13:49

I don't think it is a childish over reaction, first the alcohol thing could be a real issue, would it be different is someone had dumped a bacon rind on a Muslim's plate? Obviously in the scheme of things it isn't the end of the world but I understand your objection, especially if they used their hands. Yuck.

theodorakisses · 08/03/2013 13:50

Backwash is the spit that ends up in the dregs of a glass. Ok, hardly poisonous but I don't really want to spare some guy's spit!

Crinkle77 · 08/03/2013 13:59

I can understand why so many people have a problem with those who don't drink. personally i love a drink but would not harp on about it. For all they know the person may have issues with alcohol (not saying you do OP) and would prefer not to tell anyone.

KatyPeril · 08/03/2013 14:29

I think that's vile

SolidGoldBrass · 08/03/2013 15:48

YANBU at all OP. Like others said, it was a couple of men deciding that the silly uppity woman needed putting in her place, she can't be allowed to decide for herself what she wants to drink. It's bullying behaviour on their part - at the very least it stems from a place of serious male entitlement.

Mind you, it does sound as though you made enough of an impression on them for them to have actually reconsidered their behaviour a bit.

SpringHare · 08/03/2013 16:00

YANBU, it's aggressive and revolting. I find it hard to believe that so many people would actually be cool about this if it happened to them. Well done for taking a stand.

candyandyoga · 08/03/2013 16:19

You overreacted by put their pestering is twattish too.

candyandyoga · 08/03/2013 16:19

But not put

plantsitter · 08/03/2013 16:24

What SGB said.

People really don't like it when women behave assertively, do they?? I can't understand all the 'childish' and 'uptight's being chucked about!

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