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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be extremely angry that so-called friends dumped their backwashy alcoholic ice in my drink?

111 replies

drfayray · 08/03/2013 08:14

I have been told that I am being unreasonably angry. I don't think I am. So MN...please...opinions.

I do not drink alcohol - did not grow up in a drink-based culture and now do not like the taste. However, do not care if others drink.

I go Latin dancing on Saturdays and often some of us go out for a drink in one of the local bars in the street. Six of us go to this cool bar, and five order mojitos and one (guess who?) orders a lemon, lime and bitters. We sit, drink and chat. Others go on about how delish their drink is, how I should try it, why don't I drink, ad naseum. I just say what I usually do: don't like it. Now I am a slow drinker..sip sip sip...I notice that my drink is about half full when people were getting a second and so didn't bother. Then when I go to take a sip, I notice that my glass is full...brimming! Two twatish guys had dumped their ice from their mojitos into my drink!

My drink is spoiled. I do not want to drink someone's backwash mojito flavoured ice. Plus surely, mucking about with a woman's drink is not really a thing to do, is it? I am so angry I explode. I tell the two twats orf..saying what hell were they playing at? They offer to buy me replacement drink. I refuse. I wanted to finish MY drink. I only wanted the one. I leave - was going to go anyway.

Now the men are saying it was just a joke and I am over-reacting.

Am I?

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 08/03/2013 08:47

Yanbu, it is gross and rude. And the banging on about why won't you have an alcoholic drink is extremely rude too.

birdsofshore · 08/03/2013 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 08/03/2013 08:47

I think the reaction was due to them always going on and on about you not drinking. It can get bloody weary (my aunt couldnt understand why a 19 yo wouldnt want to drink) and eventually you just have enough.

Add to that them pouring alcohol into your drink. Well that would fuck me right off. What right do they have?

Your reaction was not OTT at all. YANBU.

Original poster
drfayray · 08/03/2013 08:49

Yes...most probably pictish Grin....

But I didn't want my drink fucked up by some guy's backwash! I was enjoying that particular drink. I didn't want another. They were idiots. I am over-reacting.

Ah well....live and learn etc...

OP posts:
Original poster
drfayray · 08/03/2013 08:50

Ok..I grant that saying I was extremely angry is OTT...But how about vair vair annoyed?

Still flounced orf though...but mainly because of twirly skirt.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 08/03/2013 08:50

I can't work out if this was the first time you'd been out drinking with them or not.

If you've been before and they pestered you then about why you don't drink, then why have you gone out with them again?

Some people just don't get that others may not want to drink. Best not to go to bars with people like this.

MidniteScribbler · 08/03/2013 08:52

And as a white Australian, without a drinking problem, your comments are offensive.

Maryz · 08/03/2013 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonPeculiarJones · 08/03/2013 09:07

YANBU. They were childish idiots. You must regularly have a bit of hassle about not drinking (it's a common response unfortunately because those who do drink feel as if, somehow, your decision is a reflection on their choice to drink - which of course it isn't! And you get labeled 'uptight'). I do drink btw, but I would totally defend your right to enjoy socialising without this kind of shit.

Tampering with someone's drink is not ok. Especially after they pressured you to try their drinks - then decided to ignore your wishes and slop a load of boozy ice into your drink anyway Angry

It wouldn't have done you any physical harm but it is still totally wrong and disrespectful. It was about boundary pushing.

Same as sticking meat-flavoured slices of salad from a chicken sandwich into a vegetarian's sandwich IYSWIM.

Dont feel bad about being angry. Hopefully they will be a bit sheepish and apologetic next time you see them and you can all move forwards with the friendships, if that's what you want.

Are they nice guys usually? Drunk people can be so daft (myself included!).

And sorry to hear you've got so much to deal with at the moment. A nice night out was probably just what you needed so their dumb actions probably infuriated you - they'd spoiled your evening away from worry!

KickUpTheArseNeeded · 08/03/2013 09:18

It's amazing isn't it how sometimes we can go through life dealing calmly & "well" with the most unbelievably painful crap that gets thrown at us and then, without warning, a stupid almost insignificant little thing causes some sort of meltdown.

It's happened to me too - not icegate - but similar. I understand but, sorry, YABU.

MrsMeeple · 08/03/2013 09:25

Hassling you about not drinking alcohol is not ok. Tipping alcohol into a non-alcoholic drink is seriously not ok.

Tipping the dregs of their drinks into your unfinished glass, alcohol or not, is totally disgusting and unacceptable.

But having done this stupid and revolting thing, realising that they'd gone way over the line, what else were they suppposed to do? They apologised and offered to buy you a new drink. If you'd accepted it and stayed, they might have felt shamed and thought before doing something like this again. Now you've flounced, they probably just feel that you over-reacted to all of it, and it was just a joke, and you should've seen the funny side etc etc.

The gender or race or skin colour or citizenship of the people involved is totally irrelevant, and raising it seriously undermines any sympathy I had for OP. Hmm

pictish · 08/03/2013 09:26

I suppose when you really think about it, it's quite desrespectful really. I wouldn't do anything like that.
However, I doubt that there was any real malice behind it. Or indeed any thought at all. Had I been on the receiving end I wouldn't have reacted as the OP did. I would've accepted a fresh drink and accompanying apology, and that's if it even registered in the first place.

It is true to say however, that sometimes it is the little things that get under your skin and sting. I'd say that was true for all of us.

TheSeniorWrangler · 08/03/2013 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stropzilla · 08/03/2013 09:32

Gross yes but would have taken the replacement drink and enjoyed the rest of the dance. I can see how it was the straw that broke the camels back!

However race irrelevant. Is it only white people who drink? I appreciate its not something you have grown up with but despite you saying its relevant, its really not.

LemonPeculiarJones · 08/03/2013 09:33

And, to add to my post earlier, I feel as if the boundary pushing is the worst aspect here.

Pissed blokes ignoring a woman saying no to something. Think it's funny to push her a bit further. Think because they think it's ok, then it is. And the woman is being a killjoy or whatever.

This instance is a very mild example of an insidious mentality. It is ok to be very fucked off with this sort of attitude.

Catchingmockingbirds · 08/03/2013 09:36

They were unreasonable to begin with, but they offered to buy you another drink and you've refused and taken the huff, you've then over reacted.

AnnIonicIsoTronic · 08/03/2013 09:41

It's about as funny as substituting mince for quorn and chortling as the vegetarian tucks in.

DIYapprentice · 08/03/2013 09:46

What they did was BLEUGH.... and YANBU for being annoyed.

However, they offered you another drink - YOU said no, YABU for going so OTT. And they didn't contaminate your drink with alcohol - you did. Bitters has a 45.6% alcohol content. Granted, there's only a splash of bitters in the drink, but there's more alcohol in there than would have been on their ice cubes.

Greensleeves · 08/03/2013 09:47

Hard to pick up the tone of the incident in this format I think, but I probably would have found this a bit threatening and been upset

They were ribbing her about not drinking, then they spoilt her drink. They offered her a new drink but they may have been still sniggering and being nasty. I wouldn't have wanted to stay and put up with that, and would have been hurt that they wanted to take the piss out of me like that.

Greythorne · 08/03/2013 09:56

I think they were juvenile and silly and rather arrogant, assuming that it is their place to get you to taste alcohol.

But I think when they offered to buy you a fresh drink, you probably should have accepted gracefully. The commets about "backwashy ice cubes" are a bit OTT. Unless they have a serious communicable disease, there's probably no danger.

I would, however, not like to be friends with people like them so I just would not socialise with them.

LemonPeculiarJones · 08/03/2013 10:06

Offering to buy another drink doesn't make it ok, though.

FierceBadIggi · 08/03/2013 10:23

They DID realise - said they wanted her to have a taste of the mojito. As presumably they know what's good for her.
I wouldn't have trusted them to buy me a new non-alcoholic drink tbh unless standing beside at the bar!
I think this does come across as an over-reaction, but the fact men did it to a woman makes me think I'm being over-generous, "let's not cause a fuss"y about it. They couldn't take her "no" about the drink as being valid, so gave her some it it anyway. Now what does that sound like?
Hmm

Fakebook · 08/03/2013 10:37

Yanbu OP. I don't drink either and if someone did that to me I would be very angry too. It's not only the alcohol aspect, how bloody disgusting that they poured their germ ridden ice into your drink.They sound immature and not worth spending time with. I can't believe any grown adult would make comments like that, mocking someone's lifestyle choice.

Sommink · 08/03/2013 10:39

YANBU I don't drink, I am on strong meds that I am not allowed to drink with and I dont particularly like the taste. My mum is unable to drink alcohol as she has stomach problems which means she can't digest is properly and can be off work for a week after having a drink with severe stomach problems.

People should not mess with someone else's drink, who on earth would think that was a good idea? I would of been mad to, accepted the new drink, then not drunk it hehe Grin

TheBigJessie · 08/03/2013 11:06

I would have been angry. You do not tamper with other people's drinks. In this instance, it was at the very least, disrespectful. At worst, a bit worrying- were they hoping to get the habitually tee-total woman tipsy?

I might , or might not accept the new drink. It would depend on how it was offered. There's a world of difference between, for example, "sorry, we just didn't think" and "oh keep your hair on, have a new drink then, you hysterical idiot".