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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel sorry for the Dad who's baby

73 replies

molly199 · 05/03/2013 14:00

Died from the herpes virus.

It such a sad circumstance, and its good that the news is making people aware of it.

But there is a big focus on the fact the Father gave it to the baby (from a kiss), I feel so sorry for him. As it's been really publicised that he did it.

OP posts:
Catchingmockingbirds · 05/03/2013 14:05

I read this story this morning, so awful, but I agree with it being publicised to raise awareness. I hadn't realised something like this could happen and I'm 7 months pregnant, after reading the article it's made me more aware and I'll be keeping anyone with a coldsore away when baby arrives. The father may have agreed to tell the story from that particular angle to stop it happening to another child.

Monstermashpotato · 05/03/2013 14:06

He didn't know, it was a tragic accident he will have to live with for the rest of his life.
I feel for the man, I really do.
YANBU.
Sad

FakePlasticLobsters · 05/03/2013 14:11

I have a friend whose daughter died from the exact same virus, which she caught from my friend kissing her, shortly after she was born. She was just a few days old when she died.

My friend does everything she can to raise awareness in the hope of preventing this from happening to any other family.

I am sure that's why this family agreed to share their son's story. People don't realise how deadly a cold sore can be to a young baby.

When I had my son I was very aware of the dangers, thanks to my friend's efforts to raise awareness, and was especially careful around my niece, who is prone to cold sores. A few family members were a bit Hmm about it as it was ''just" a cold sore but when I told them about my friend and her baby they were shocked and a lot more understanding.

I think that's the problem. People think "just' a cold sore without actually thinking about the virus that causes it or the dangers it might pose.

LaVitaBellissima · 05/03/2013 14:14

Do you have a link?

Original poster
molly199 · 05/03/2013 14:15

It is shocking, I sometimes get coldsores when I'm really run down..But in future if I'm around a child I will be extremely careful, it just never occured to me before.

OP posts:
BridgetBidet · 05/03/2013 14:16

His wife was on TV this morning saying he is very, very upset over it and blames himself despite her being absolutely adamant it wasn't his fault.

So sad. They have another baby due in 5 weeks. I know it will never replace their little boy but I hope it manages at least to help them come to terms with everything and look to the future.

gollygosh123 · 05/03/2013 14:16

If ur partner gets them rarely but hasn't one at all at time of birth - is it safe?

Original poster
molly199 · 05/03/2013 14:18

The father had the coldsore present, so if its not actually present then i assume it would be ok. However, the baby could have had a low immune system or another unknown reason for contracting it.

OP posts:
SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 05/03/2013 14:22

It's astounding how unaware people are though. Dps father visited when one of mine was a baby and I was branded a complete psychopath for asking him not to kiss the baby as he had a coldsore.

Ds1 gets them now and I'm militant about not letting him near small children and not sharing cups etc when he has a flareup.... Yet dds bf stayed over with a vicious coldsore and clearly had no idea she could spread it and was trying to share drinks and constantly touching it then handling food/toys. She has a baby nephew who she sees regularly Sad

ChipTheFish · 05/03/2013 14:32

It's so sad. It wasn't an issue I was aware of either. Me and DP haven't got kids yet, but we are planning on trying this year. I actually made a point of saying to him last night, so we know for the future.

WhoPaintedTheLion · 05/03/2013 14:38

My goodness, how sad :(

How long is it so dangerous for?

FryOneFatManic · 05/03/2013 14:42

Many years ago I started a job in a laboratory. The person who was teaching me on the job, made sure she broke out a new set of pipettes for me to use, as she didn't want me catching the cold sore virus from her, via the pipettes that she used.

This was nearly 25 years ago, so it's not new information, it's just not well publicised, plus I think people have the "won't happen to me" mentality sometimes.

DS gets coldsores. Not sure where from, as no-one else in our family gets them. Quite possibly from someone sharing something at nursery years ago, which is when we discovered he got them. We are very careful when they break out (luckily not often) but I will be reinforcing the need to be careful with him, to reduce the chance of him passing the virus on.

QueenOfCats · 05/03/2013 14:43

Of course yanbu - why on earth would you think you were?

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/03/2013 14:45

I had a coldsore just after DD's birth. I was aware of this but I live in Canada and it is one of the things they talk to you about.

LtEveDallas · 05/03/2013 14:56

I had 2 cold sores when DD was born (prematurely). I always get them when I am run down, and boy was I run down then - I'd been in hospital for 3 months.

The nurses, as soon as they saw them erupt, told me that I mustn't kiss the baby when it was born. I thought they were loons Blush. I remember telling my sister on the phone about the "bloody German Doctors and their ridiculous rules" (and yes I am bloody ashamed of that now).

It wasn't until I was actually in labour a few days later that the Doc explained why I shouldn't kiss DD with a cold sore. I had no idea.

It is definately something that should be more publicised.

That poor family. I hope the new baby brings some peace and joy back into their lives.

TotallyBursar · 05/03/2013 14:58

I've mentioned it before on here an got Hmm looks.
With this the main risk will be maternal transmission, which is why it's really important to make it known you have it then infection by others - the trouble is knowing how close you may be to an outbreak or in some cases if you have it.
It is very important to be aware of, in cases where lots of visitors may be meeting your newborn I can't say I know the status of everyone so said snuggles fine kisses no ta, but it is still a relatively small risk.
Devastating for the families affected though. The guilt when you lose a child, even in circumstances you can't help, is terrible - knowing how you could blame yourself (I wouldn't blame this dad) must be a level of torture I can't imagine - and we put ourselves through the wringer when we lost our son. Poor guy, poor family.

If you get coldsores then knowing is half the battle.

JenaiMorris · 05/03/2013 14:58

I honestly had absolutely no idea. Isn't it very unusual though? How does in compare in terms of risk to any other common and usually benign ailment?

NoMoreMarbles · 05/03/2013 15:04

my DD gets coldsores (most likely from DH or her GF who both get them. i have never had a coldsore as i wont kiss either when they have them...) and i told her she mustnt kiss newborn DNeice when she has them (so as to not pass the virus on) but i never knew it could be fatal for a newbornSad

that poor familySad

StuntGirl · 05/03/2013 15:09

I didn't know about this. I don't get cold sores but my partner has had them in the past. I'll make sure he knows about it, would bloody hate to do this to one of our friends kids, christ.

ChunkyPickle · 05/03/2013 15:11

DP gets them, and we're aware of the dangers, and he was always super, super careful around me because he'd be devastated if he infected me or our DS.

I've been keeping DP away from these reports because I'm pregnant again and I don't want him thinking about it - he already takes anti-virals, covers an outbreak at night, ensures we use different towels/don't share pillow cases etc. and I don't want him to get even more worried about it.

It does need to be more publicised. I think people are far to lacksidaisical about coldsores. TBH I'd prefer if nurseries asked children with a live outbreak to stay home as I can't see how you can prevent transmission.

WilsonFrickett · 05/03/2013 15:15

I do get coldsores and am always militant about not going near a baby with them - but only because I know I can pass on the virus. I had no idea until I read that article that the virus could kill a baby. I think it's shocking that there isn't more publicity around this.

And that poor family Sad

Startail · 05/03/2013 15:26

I get cold sores as does DM and I don't kiss anyone except DH if I have one.

He doesn't mind and seems to be immune to catching them Envy

I was vaguely aware the virus was dangerous to small/prem babies, but not how dangerous.

Some clear, detailed non alarmist publicity is needed.

Huge sympathy for the poor baby's parents.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary · 05/03/2013 15:36

Surely it's common sense not to kiss anyone or share cuttlery etc when you have a coldsore? Confused This is how they spread and once you have one they never go. Why on earth would anyone want to kiss someone when they have a coldsore?

Poor family though Sad

SouthernComforts · 05/03/2013 15:38

Such a sad story.

That poor dad. (And mum of course)

Sad