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AIBU?

AIBU to feel sorry for the Dad who's baby

73 replies

molly199 · 05/03/2013 14:00

Died from the herpes virus.

It such a sad circumstance, and its good that the news is making people aware of it.

But there is a big focus on the fact the Father gave it to the baby (from a kiss), I feel so sorry for him. As it's been really publicised that he did it.

OP posts:

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IneedAsockamnesty · 08/03/2013 00:07

Whyme, what advice are you given to avoid transmission

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WhyMeWhyNot · 07/03/2013 22:58

Our midwives aren't allowed to work on delivery or post natal if they have a cold sore because of the risk of transmitting the virus, the virus is extremely easy to transmit ....

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IneedAsockamnesty · 07/03/2013 22:48

Foxy so sorry for your loss.

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FakePlasticLobsters · 07/03/2013 12:20

So sorry for your loss foxy

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Thingymajigs · 07/03/2013 08:03

So sorry foxy.

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Thingymajigs · 07/03/2013 08:02

I had no idea this could happen. After ds1 was born I became ill with all sorts of infections and a very nasty coldsore that spread across my mouth and chin. No one ever mentioned that this could've been seriously harmful to my baby.

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LaVitaBellissima · 07/03/2013 07:57

So sorry Foxy

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MrsTerryPratchett · 07/03/2013 00:03

So sorry foxy. There aren't words.

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foxy6 · 06/03/2013 23:48

My Dd died from this when she was 15 days old we never figured out where she caught it from. I tell everyone I know having a baby to make them aware. That was 17 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don't thinly about her and miss her.

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thezebrawearspurple · 06/03/2013 23:32

It's a tragedy, poor man, hopefully this case will get enough publicity to prevent future tragedies

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ots · 06/03/2013 23:22

A colleague lost her DGS at a few days old as his mum had a coldsore and kissed him.
When I was pregnant, she offered to knit DS a jumper saying "please do not kiss me". Nice thought but I did decline.
I get coldsores a lot and thanks to her, I knew not to kiss DS if I had one when he was tiny. It really needs to be explained to parents more.

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whoopwhoopbib · 06/03/2013 21:24

I am frequently told by other people who have them that they kiss their partners and they have never caught them but what they don't realise is that it may be lying dormant in them.

I can't believe how much ignorance there is about coldsores especially from the posters nurse mum and my bil is training to be a GP but still kisses sil when she has a sore - it doesn't make me feel confident!

I really think that there should be more information given to sufferers as I know I would be devastated if I passed a coldsore onto someone else which is why I go to the lengths I do to protect those around me (not a martyr really!)

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IneedAsockamnesty · 06/03/2013 12:31

I know whoop, simple things like covering skin washing hands and keeping face/ sores away from contact. Can completely prevent transmission.

The poster up thread whose mother is a nurse, your mother needs to retrain or listen to you.

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havingamadmoment · 06/03/2013 12:00

I get cold sores every now and then (not very often maybe once or year or less) I am lucky that they are pretty minor and go very quickly but I did not know about the risk to babies. I dont think I have ever had one while pregnant but I remember having one when I had the flu when dc4 was tiny. I didnt kiss her not because i was aware of the risks but because it was sore to touch!. DH has never had one neither have any of my dcs. The only person I know who did get them (from childhood according to her) was my grandmother. I remember getting one as a very young child.

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FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 06/03/2013 11:51

My mum is a nurse.

She had a massive cold sore whe she saw DD1 for the first time and kissed her several times.

My DH was furious and I asked my mum not to kiss DD1 until the cold sore had healed.

She lost sleep over it, big drama, and was upset for weeks, if not months. I ruined her encounter with her first GC, she says.

She mentions it regularly (every time I am worri about one of our DCs being ill) as her friends agree with her that DH and I are overly anxious parents.

I wish I could send her the article, but there is no point.

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ChunkyPickle · 06/03/2013 11:35

Amber, I don't know, it's tough - perhaps the same as any other parent with a child with a ongoing problem.

Children and adults should not be getting recurring coldsores. If they are, then they need to see the doctor and get anti-virals, or work on the triggers in their diet.

By adjusting his diet, making sure he drinks enough and sleeps enough we have got DPs attacks down to about one a year (and that's normally after eating something he shouldn't/getting run down), and they are of greatly reduced duration and severity.

A coldsore isn't like a cold, it's an awful, painful virus that can cause real damage, and I think that people need to be aware of that.

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AmberLeaf · 06/03/2013 11:16

I do get your point Kaida, but that could mean a child with cold sores barely attending nursery, what if that childs parents work? what are they supposed to do?

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WilsonFrickett · 06/03/2013 11:09

Sock, that has actually just made me cry. Something as simple as that could have saved that poor wee baby

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IneedAsockamnesty · 06/03/2013 07:56

Whoop.

When you've got sores a really good way of hugely reducing transfer risk to a young baby, is a really simple sleep suit on the baby. one of the ones that has fold over bits on the wrist that are scratch mits when folded over the hands

That way the baby has no exposed skin other than face and neck and there own hands are covered so no accidental touching happens.

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Kaida · 06/03/2013 05:54

But AmberSun, doesn't it make more sense for toddlers to be kept home when infectious rather than vulnerable toddlers having to stay home all the time? By school age I would expect DC to have been taught both to protect themselves if vulnerable and practise proper hygiene if infectious, but toddlers cannot be expected to do either. It's especially problemous with toddlers IMO as due to common age gaps many nursery-goers have very young baby siblings.

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aurynne · 06/03/2013 04:02

The cold sore virus can also pass to the eyes and damage the cornea. in severe cases it can cause blindness. That's why it is also not recommended to touch your own cold sore, as you can then touch your eyes inadvertently and infect them.

I think one of the difficulties in the English language is that you guys refer to the labial herpes and the genital herpes with different names ("cold sore" and "herpes"), so many people have no idea they are the same virus (herpes simplex). In Spanish, for example, both are called just "herpes".

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whoopwhoopbib · 06/03/2013 03:39

Phew Sockreturningpixie I am so glad you clarified the bf bit!! I'm feeding dd right now whilst sporting the remains of a coldsore and just broke out in a cold sweat thinking I was passing it onto her!!!

I knew that coldsores could be this dangerous so when dd was born I said sil wasn't to kiss her as she had very recently had a couple of them in a row. I was met with but I stuck to it.

I also get them.on my eyelids and am very when I hear of people who carry on.kissing others regardless because this is how they are spread. If the sore moves from the eyelid to the eye you can lose your vision.

I am currently wearing my short hair tied up so although it looks silly I know it won't have been touching.my face, I constantly wash my hands and got dp to take her swimming last week as I'm not sure how they transmit in water. Extreme to some but I would rather not risk passing them onto a baby who can then easily spread them around her body.

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IneedAsockamnesty · 06/03/2013 01:32

Can I just clarify that it is not the breast milk that transfers the virus so a baby cannot catch it just from breast feeding in its self.

Herpies sores can turn up anywhere, the virus that causes cold sores (type 1)are more common above the waist like breasts neck face ect the transfer occurs when the baby touches a sore with any part of its body where ever that sore happens to be on your body.

Or you touch a sore then touch your baby.

So its not the actual feeding method that transmits the virus its the skin contact during the feeding that does.

But another weird thing about type 1 is that it is compleatly possible and not that rare to have genital herpies but for them to still be type 1 instead of the expected type 2.

People tend to fiddle with their faces often without even being aware they have done so they can then infect another part of there body (or someone else's) quite easily but if transmitted like that to the genitals won't change the type it is. It will still show on a swab as type 1 not type 2

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QOD · 05/03/2013 20:54

I'm sure someone on here's baby died from this, there's been a post before.
It's so awfully sad

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FakePlasticLobsters · 05/03/2013 20:41

My friend had never had a cold sore before the one she got when her daughter was born.

It was just a small spot on her lip and even her midwife said it was nothing to worry about, just something that had happened because she was run down after giving birth.

And they didn't warn her that the virus could be passed to her baby, not just through kissing but through perhaps just accidentally brushing against it without realising and then touching her daughter.

That first link, about this poor man and his wife and son, says that breastfeeding can also pass the virus on, which I hadn't realised. They do need to make people more aware of the risks and dangers, because people do dismiss them as 'just' a cold sore and nothing much to worry about.