To find it disgusting so many people still think it's acceptable to use the 'R' word to describe someone who's done something stupid?

[TangoPurple]

Bit of a rant! I told my friend this afternoon that i think it's terrible so many people still use the word 'retard' in every day conversation, as well as other offensive, disabilist terms.

She shrugged it off saying that people don't mean it offensively, it's just a phrase our parents used and passed on to us. She admitted that she used to say it all the time, but decided to stop after realising dd has autism, as she didn't want to upset me.

So, after she left, i took to my Facebook for another rant. A lot of people (who i have now deleted) echoed what my friend had said. They said it's just 'banter' and they call their friends it all the time. It's just another way of saying idiot etc.

One came along and actually cut and pasted the definition of retarded. 'Something that is slow or stunted. e.g. the car was retarded, due to its faulty mechanics.'

He therefore felt he had justified his frequent usage of the term in everyday conversation.

I just find it terribly upsetting that this is still considered acceptable. Don't want to break any rules by mentioning this, but someone had said it earlier today on here. A parent. On a parenting forum. It's horrendous.

My gorgeous 5yo has been called retarded before. We were on a double decker bus once, up the top, and she was stimming (flapping her arms) and humming because she was excited. A bunch of teens up the back called down, "Missus - is your kid reatrded or what?' and then called 'bye, window licker' as we left.

So, for someone then to tell me this is NOT a derogatory term is astounding.

Not sure of the point of this thread tbh. Probably another rant. I'm certain i'm not being unreasonable.

Please, please, please - if you are guilty of using this word, stop it. Your children will hear it and then think it's okay to use. And they may end up like those horrible children on the back of that bus my daughter and i had to endure.

[MyDarlingClementine]

Yet if it was "all Muslims are x" or "all gays are y" or z"all n words are z" then that wouldn't be on at all.

And HQ wonder why we're aggrieved...


this ^

Its not actually open for debate!

[Peachy]

Please stop teh talk of suicide. If you feel bad today, please call samaritans or your GP. They can help- been there myself, GP did help.

Nobody should be fighting over who has it worst with that though: anyone suicidal needs and deserves sympathy and help. it's an illness not a battle tool.

I was lucky enough to get help but my husband called me one day to say he was going to end it and saying bye, I ahd to sit at home terrified as the police tried to track him down. His car stalled and he couldn't 'sort it', thank God. I'd never wish that fear on anybody.

[CoreOfLore]

You're right, what I said was horrible, but maybe you will remember my words next time you go tell another person to kill themselves. And yes I'm sure the word retard makes plenty of people feel horrible about themselves but is that as bad as actively and knowingly wishing death upon another person? Not to me...

[giraffesCantDateDucks]

The s words seem to be seen as unacceptable now Hope the r word goes the same way soon!!

[WorraLiberty]

This thread makes no sense any more.

And a few of the deleted posts didn't even contain personal attacks, or copies of personal attacks.

The place has gorn quite mad...

[PeneloPeePitstop]

Spectacularly missing the point there, core...

[MyDarlingClementine]

I thought MN was supposed to be " supportive" and a mum has come on here and told a horrid story about her DC being subjected to foul language,

Most posters have come to offer her support and sympathy. In line with MN ideals.

So how does someone coming on saying " actually there is nothing wrong with that language" fall into the supportive catagory?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I haven't told anyone to kill themselves.

Please stop lumping all posters together.

Your post was massively out of order.

[LadyBeagleEyes]

This whole thread needs to go.
I've reported, I hope others do the same.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Am thinking I may as well do loads of personal attacks since people accuse me of them anyway

[giraffesCantDateDucks]

Oh I was replying to the op I see a lot more has been said since!

[ArmchairDetective]

I know this thread seems to have gone off track and I'm afraid I haven't read all of it but just wanted to post my experience of hearing this word.

I was standing outside my DD's nursery one day waiting to be buzzed in. Another Parent/GP/Carer walked up to the door. She had already told her "son" to effffing hurry up (he was 4). She then said "Come on open the door you efffing r.....ds"

I just thought if that's what you think of the nursery workers caring for your son, why would you trust him in their care?

The way she said all this in front of her son was horrible. How long till he starts throwing these words around too.

[Peachy]

Fanjo most of us know you're not like that love, don't worry X

[TangoPurple]

Hello, i've been working and not had chance to come back and reply.

Sorry to see this has caused a bit of a row. I was just upset yesterday when i posted, and naively (is that a word?) assumed i could somehow influence people to realise this is not an acceptable word to use in modern society.

Very interesting to read the comment about Obama banning it in medical terms.

It's clear to see that some people just don't get it, and probably won't ever get it.

And this makes me feel really sad. Children learn from adults. If adults continue using this word - and other equally offensive words - so freely, their children will follow.

I'm lucky that this word had only been directed at my dd a few times, the worst instance being the example i gave on the bus.

But she's only 5. As she gets older - especially in high school - i fear this word may become part of her daily life.

I really hope that by the time she reaches her teens, it won't be used in such a casual way as it is now.

I also hope this thread doesn't get deleted. A lot of people have said they find the word offensive, and explained why they find it offensive. So hopefully it might educate/influence other readers to start thinking more and stop using it.

[PrincessFiorimonde]

I can never understand people who carry on using words once they've been told they are offensive. Using them in all innocence is one thing - but when someone's said 'Please don't say r**; it's offensive'; well, that's when you stop saying it, surely.

Words do change in meaning and intent. In the 60s, there was a charity called the Spastic Society - long since changed its name to Scope. In the 50s (I think) there was an embroidery thread called n** brown. Obviously not called that now!

[HelenMumsnet]

@FanjoForTheMammaries

Am thinking I may as well do loads of personal attacks since people accuse me of them anyway

Please don't

[PrincessFiorimonde]

Xpost with OP. Tango, you were entitled to be upset! I really hope you're right about use of the word dying out.

[StuntGirl]

Dotty said something to the effect of "just throw yourself off a cliff" in response to someone else's comment that disablist words aren't offensive and don't hurt anybody. Core got very offended because depressed and suicidal people might then take it upon themselves to actually kill themselves, and we should all think before we speak because you don't know by looking at someone whether they're depressed and simple words can hurt y'know.

I suspect she missed the point spectacularly.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I was kidding Helen sorry

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

core then told ME to think before next time I tell someone to go and kill themselves.

Which I haven't ever done so it would be the first time in fact.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

and clearly Dotty hasn't either , so i was annoyed at the massive guilt trip she was subjected to by core.

[HelenMumsnet]

@PeneloPeePitstop

On mumsnet a personal attack becomes an opinion once you address it to more than one person. So, "you are a scrounging arsehole" is not ok as a personal attack but "Carers of disabled people are scrounging arseholes" is an opinion and entirely ok.

Yet if it was "all Muslims are x" or "all gays are y" or z"all n words are z" then that wouldn't be on at all.

And HQ wonder why we're aggrieved...

Nope. It anyone posted "all Muslims are x" or "all gays are y", they would be deleted.

And if someone reported, "Carers of disabled people are scrounging arseholes", it would most certainly not be OK and it would be deleted.

None of them are personal attacks, that's true. But we do have other rules in our Talk Guidelines - and we do routinely delete posts that generalise in an discriminatory way against defined groups.