To find it disgusting so many people still think it's acceptable to use the 'R' word to describe someone who's done something stupid?

[TangoPurple]

Bit of a rant! I told my friend this afternoon that i think it's terrible so many people still use the word 'retard' in every day conversation, as well as other offensive, disabilist terms.

She shrugged it off saying that people don't mean it offensively, it's just a phrase our parents used and passed on to us. She admitted that she used to say it all the time, but decided to stop after realising dd has autism, as she didn't want to upset me.

So, after she left, i took to my Facebook for another rant. A lot of people (who i have now deleted) echoed what my friend had said. They said it's just 'banter' and they call their friends it all the time. It's just another way of saying idiot etc.

One came along and actually cut and pasted the definition of retarded. 'Something that is slow or stunted. e.g. the car was retarded, due to its faulty mechanics.'

He therefore felt he had justified his frequent usage of the term in everyday conversation.

I just find it terribly upsetting that this is still considered acceptable. Don't want to break any rules by mentioning this, but someone had said it earlier today on here. A parent. On a parenting forum. It's horrendous.

My gorgeous 5yo has been called retarded before. We were on a double decker bus once, up the top, and she was stimming (flapping her arms) and humming because she was excited. A bunch of teens up the back called down, "Missus - is your kid reatrded or what?' and then called 'bye, window licker' as we left.

So, for someone then to tell me this is NOT a derogatory term is astounding.

Not sure of the point of this thread tbh. Probably another rant. I'm certain i'm not being unreasonable.

Please, please, please - if you are guilty of using this word, stop it. Your children will hear it and then think it's okay to use. And they may end up like those horrible children on the back of that bus my daughter and i had to endure.

[TheNebulousBoojum]

We are part of a conspiracy theory?
How did I miss that?

[MangoLangoTango]

I'm late to the thread but I was just wondering if people mean to remove the R word from the English language or to discourage it's use as a justifiable horrible insult?

It is a fairly common (and useful) word in biology (e.g. growth retardation, channel retardation) but this is of with it being used in it's true sense to mean stunted. Similarly the word spastic is often used as an insult but it actually has a very specific meaning medically (e.g. spasticity to mean an abnormally increased muscle tone).

Any word can evolve into an offensive insult, it is the intention of the user and the situation it is delivered that then gives a word it's context.

[blueballoon79]

Op, what happened to your child is horrific and disgusting.

Using words such as spastic, retard etc in the wrong context (as an insult) in my opinion shows great ignorance and backward thinking.

Just because these words were ok many years ago, doesn't mean they're ok now.

Disablist attitudes and offensive disablist insults irritate me no end.

For those people saying it's just a word and words have no effect- how ridiculous!

I was extremely badly bullied throughout primary school and had a very old fashioned teacher who always used to say to me "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me".

So why is it that now after twenty years I have forgotten the numerous physical assaults but can still remember every hateful name they called me?

Words have power.

[LithaR]

Oh wow, as an observer some of the vitriol being aimed at ClippedPheonix is actually pretty offensive to me.

I don't think her statement that words are words was that bad that they need to be attacked in this way. I'm disabled and honestly don't find being called retarded upsetting, mainly because I know that its not meant to demean my disabilities but rather because I've missed the point or just not clued on fast enough.

The people that have called me this before have been friends and I know they didn't mean it in any malicious way. I think everyone needs to take a breather and remember that most justification for bullies is that they were bullied. By becoming bullies yourself you are not doing your children justice. You are just becoming part of the problem.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

You dont have a learning disability affecting your iQ though. So why would you feel it referenced your disabilities.

Noone is bullying here

[LithaR]

Actually I do. But I shouldn't have to justify my disabilities to you or anyone.

[hazeyjane]

Just out of interest, wrt the use of the word retard(ed) in America.

"Rosa?s Law and Legislature Challenges
On October 5, 2010, U.S. President Barack Obama officially signed bill S. 2781 into federal law. Rosa?s Law, which takes its name and inspiration for 9-year-old Rosa Marcellino, removes the terms ?mental retardation? and "mentally retarded" from federal health, education and labor policy and replaces them with people first language ?individual with an intellectual disability? and ?intellectual disability.? The signing of Rosa?s Law is a significant milestone in establishing dignity, inclusion and respect for all people with intellectual disabilities."

I do not understand the eyerolling, and cries of political correctness gorn mad, etc etc. The word "retard(ed)" as an insult, is about a lot more than hurt feelings; it's about having so little regard for an entire segment of the population that you will openly use a word that exists in this context, only to mock and injure them.

[PeneloPeePitstop]

Well good for you, Litha.
You really do not speak for everyone.

I have also had my kids called retards and window lickers and I am very much offended by that.

[akaemmafrost]

Litha you have the right to deal with being called offensive names regarding your disabilities however you see fit. I reserve the right to deal with that abuse being directed towards my children however I see fit.

I can begin to understand why you would allow your "friends" to treat you in that way though tbh.

[akaemmafrost]

Litha you have the right to deal with being called offensive names regarding your disabilities however you see fit. I reserve the right to deal with that abuse being directed towards my children however I see fit.

I can begin to understand why you would allow your "friends" to treat you in that way though tbh.

[akaemmafrost]

CAN'T not can

[HelenMumsnet]

Morning.

Thought now might be the moment to state that we at MNHQ would regard the use of such words as 'retard' and 'mong' as disablist - and, if posts containing those words were reported to use, we would delete them. We have made it pretty clear rule in our Talk Guidelines that disablist language breaks our site rules.

We do also have to point out the personal attacks break our site rules, too. We do understand this is a pretty emotive discussion but please don't let personal attacks undermine any points you wish you make - they'll only get your (probably otherwise very strong and effective) post deleted.

[Kikithecat]

I don't know any adults who use it but my DS also picked it up at school, but I put him straight immediately.

YANBU

[gimmeanaxe]

why anyone would want to use words that hurt people is beyond me. Especially after being told they hurt. Maybe they are cruel?

[Peachy]

DS1 (AS, attends a BAse within a MS school where he is beating most of the MS kids academically) was called a retard a few weeks back: really upset him.

I mean, it's not even accurate is it?

I hear it used apologetically by professionals at university who are using it correctly, and nastily by horrible people in the streets.

It's NOT about being slow. Not when used as an insult or'banter'- 'retarded development of the cerebellum' = appropriate use; anything that equates retarded development with bad or stupd = needs a serious word with.

I won't let my boys use that term, mong, or any of the other hate words- disability, racist or any other type. I'd be ashamed if I did allow it, or if they sued it (after being told once that it is unaaceptable).

As for people saying oh it's all gone too far / PC / etc. phooey. I am PC and I am happy with that. The opposite of that is politically incorrect, and I don't want to be incorrect, I want to be kind, nice, correct.


'Words are words'- yep tell that to any journalist, PR rep or defence lawyer. Bet tehy will agree

If it hurts people, don't use it, think of another term that does the job. it's not ahrd. OTOH if anyone thinks they ahve a right to hurt people as long as they get to retain use of a word- nah not my sort of person.

[StuntGirl]

core I can imagine some with special needs have felt pushed to that very edge by the use of disablist terms meant to harass, bully and hurt them.

[PeneloPeePitstop]

Core you know what? I haven't told anyone to die, I think the worst was when I used the c word - a word I hate - because a particular poster was pooh poohing reasoned argument and actually being a goady fucker. And being quite smug about it.

All those suicidal methods and fantasies - yep, had them all. Even tried a few. Because of the kind of language used on this thread about my children. About people calling me a worthless piece of shit because I am on Carer benefits through no fault of my own, I'm scum, apparently. Even my brother says so and my mother is ashamed of me.

So, disablist goaders do not have the monopoly on misery.

People out to think what 'just words' do to other people's lives.

I don't think there's a group more attacked on here than parents of SN kids, or disabled adults. Constantly we are dealing with disablist language constantly tossed into threads, sniping, benefit envy (!), called Scroungers, worthless yada yada.

Yet when we lose our temper at the latest in a long line of abuse we are patted on the head and told to play nice yet the people being utterly foul at what they perceive to be a 'lifestyle choice' are allowed to continue their attacks with impunity because by attacking an entire group of us it's not a personal attack.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Coreoflore you are being rather abusive there yourself tbh.

And don't start on me..I haven't attacked anyone personally on this thread but will be lumped in with homogenous mass of posters as per usual.

You dont know how people on this thread are feeling either. Your post is shocking

[CoreOfLore]

Of course, as an older sister of a boy with autism I know that just as well as anyone, but what is wrong with the world when someone feels they have the right to actually tell somebody to go kill themselves? What kind of human being says that to another human being?

[StuntGirl]

Oh yes, how could I forget the carers of those with disabilities, like pam. As she has so eloquently proven they too are pushed to that very edge because of the heartless actions of others.

[StuntGirl]

Not pam, penelope, sorry!

[PeneloPeePitstop]

On mumsnet a personal attack becomes an opinion once you address it to more than one person. So, "you are a scrounging arsehole" is not ok as a personal attack but "Carers of disabled people are scrounging arseholes" is an opinion and entirely ok.

Yet if it was "all Muslims are x" or "all gays are y" or z"all n words are z" then that wouldn't be on at all.

And HQ wonder why we're aggrieved...