To find it disgusting so many people still think it's acceptable to use the 'R' word to describe someone who's done something stupid?

[TangoPurple]

Bit of a rant! I told my friend this afternoon that i think it's terrible so many people still use the word 'retard' in every day conversation, as well as other offensive, disabilist terms.

She shrugged it off saying that people don't mean it offensively, it's just a phrase our parents used and passed on to us. She admitted that she used to say it all the time, but decided to stop after realising dd has autism, as she didn't want to upset me.

So, after she left, i took to my Facebook for another rant. A lot of people (who i have now deleted) echoed what my friend had said. They said it's just 'banter' and they call their friends it all the time. It's just another way of saying idiot etc.

One came along and actually cut and pasted the definition of retarded. 'Something that is slow or stunted. e.g. the car was retarded, due to its faulty mechanics.'

He therefore felt he had justified his frequent usage of the term in everyday conversation.

I just find it terribly upsetting that this is still considered acceptable. Don't want to break any rules by mentioning this, but someone had said it earlier today on here. A parent. On a parenting forum. It's horrendous.

My gorgeous 5yo has been called retarded before. We were on a double decker bus once, up the top, and she was stimming (flapping her arms) and humming because she was excited. A bunch of teens up the back called down, "Missus - is your kid reatrded or what?' and then called 'bye, window licker' as we left.

So, for someone then to tell me this is NOT a derogatory term is astounding.

Not sure of the point of this thread tbh. Probably another rant. I'm certain i'm not being unreasonable.

Please, please, please - if you are guilty of using this word, stop it. Your children will hear it and then think it's okay to use. And they may end up like those horrible children on the back of that bus my daughter and i had to endure.

[thornrose]

Ok, I give up. As you where..

[thornrose]

As you were, bloody bossy IPad.

[TheCatInTheHairnet]

I live in the US. I don't particularly like the word, but I don't object to my kids saying someTHING is retarded. It does not mean the same in American English as it does in English. If any of my children called someone a Retard, they would be regretting it for a very, very long time. And they know that.

The fact is, American English and English English are very different languages, even if they sound mostly the same.

[Turnipsoup]

I'm so sorry OP that your DD had such a horrible experience.

I think a lot of people use terms like retard (it makes me ashamed just to type it) without thinking of the impact it has. Just like some people swear all the time. It is not ok, it is offensive, and everyone should challenge its usage.
Words that were once considered part of everyday vocabularly do change meaning over time, and society as a whole hopefully becomes more educated ... hence racist words are now universally unacceptable and the R word should be too.

I am horrified to think that I grew up using the word 'moron' in the States without knowing it's background. I have just had to google it to find out why it is offensive. (really ashamed as I work with children with SEN and genuinely had no idea)
I haven't used the m word in years (more like decades) but I wish someone had challenged me on it.

To the lovely posters over at Special Needs:Children - you have a huge positive impact - you are educating and enlightening MN - I have lurked for years and learned a tremendous amount from you wonderful, amazing people. (It made me choose to do what I do now) And for every MNer you enlighten, they will hopefully enlighten their children etc. So although it must feel like wading through treacle, you are changing it, and for every battle you fight there are thousands of MNers behind you.

(hope that doesn't come accross as too pompous/patronising/easy to say if you're note facing the challenges every day - it really isn't meant that way)

[SpecialAgentKat]

Whether you agree with the word or not this thread reads like ragey teenage girls in a texting war.

[SpecialAgentKat]

By the way OP I'm so sorry that those teenagers were so nasty. May I ask (as I fear to Google) what does 'window licker' mean? I assume it's an insult but I don't get it.

[MerryCouthyMows]

Are you for real, clipped? Maybe you would like me to explain to you, once again, that YOU don't get to decide what offends someone else.

YOU don't see it as offensive. YOU obviously haven't got a disability that this word is used to mock. When you do, THEN you can come back and tell us that 'it is just a word'.

My DD can tell you that she FELT upset at being called this word LONG before she could read this word, and LONG before she knew that it used to be an acceptable term but was now used to insult people with.

My DD could tell you that at times, she wanted to DIE because she was called this word every day by the ignorant bullies.

When YOU have had to sit there and try to comfort your child (that is unable to be cuddled because of their sensory issues) when they want to die because people are calling them derogatory names every day, THEN you get to say what is offensive or not.

My guess is that you haven't been in either of those situations, so IMO you can't tell people that HAVE been in those situations that they aren't allowed to be offended by this word.

The person at the receiving end of the word who has a disability that this word mocks, or a person caring for someone in that situation, are the ones who gets to decide whether they feel it is offensive.

We are NOT the 'professionally offended'. We are just OFFENDED because that word is aimed at either us or our child or a loved one and is being used in a derogatory way.

[MerryCouthyMows]

And I have also been at the receiving end of something you say is 'just a word' whilst being post-ictal. And I can tell you, despite being unable to tell you where I lived at that precise moment - I STILL felt offended by it.

So try to understand that while YOU aren't offended by this word, probably because it isn't aimed at you in the same way as it is aimed at people with disabilities, PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES WILL BE OFFENDED BY IT.

And that isn't a 'right', or being 'professionally offended'.

It's because it IS offensive to those with disabilities and their Carers!

[MerryCouthyMows]

And it's NOT that we 'all gang up together'.

Surely it is telling that you are the by far in the minority here in saying that this word is not offensive, and EVERYBODY who is disabled themselves, or is caring for their child with disabilities, or has a family member with disabilities IS offended by this word?

Surely that alone should tell you that it is YOU who is in the wrong with your persistence in your conviction that you should be allowed to spout disablist words?

Are you as convinced that you should still be able to say the N word without causing offence?

If not, then what the fuck is the difference?!

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

What couthy said.

Also..Kat..people being offended is not being lie a "ragey teenage girl". And go and Google the phrase, don't be so insensitive as to ask OP about it.

[SpecialAgentKat]

Oh, so being offended justifies saying: You're a cunt/twat/disgusting/fuck off/you're an alcoholic and even jump off a cliff? All while in the same breath saying another term is offensive. Those are all the things I see my stupid younger sister and her friends say to each other and it's hypocritical.

I happen to find the word cunt very offensive to women. But if someone called me one I wouldn't tell them to die.

Oh and with all that? I'm insensitive to ask what a derogative term means?

This thread is irrational. Of course the OP was not being unreasonable to be disgusted at her daughter being bullied and degraded.

I just don't think it makes a lot of sense that then a lot of filth that is also offensive somehow justifies your (plural) position?

[MechanicalTheatre]

I don't see cunt as offensive to women any more than cock is offensive to men.

I hate the way that when people get their arses handed to them on here they always say "you're ganging up." No, just a lot of people have the same opinion. That's not ganging up.

[SpecialAgentKat]

That's your opinion. I think cunt is an extremely degrading and humiliating word to women. But that's not the point of this thread.

I guess I just don't understand how in one breath you can say someone has said something terribly offensive, but then accuse them of being on the bottle or wishing death on them. It sort of negates the point IMO.

But yeah of course the OP isn't being unreasonable. What happened on the bus was just cruel.

I'll take my leave now as I suspect this thread will either go poof or there will be so many deletions only about twenty posts will stand.

OP: I'm so sorry your little girl was treated so appallingly. I really hope she has lots of fun on the bus as she's clearly more mature than them!

[MerryCouthyMows]

I think it IS twatty to speak to someone using disablist terms. I would be FAR less offended at being called a twat than I would about being called the R word. FAR less. In fact, I've probably called myself a twat at least twice today.

The worst I did was sat that I think the OP is a disablist twat.

Which I do.

Anyone behaving in a disablist way is a twat IMO. As is anyone acting in a racist way, an ageist way, a mysoginistic way, or a homophobic way. All twats.

If you can't accept that times have changed, and it is no longer acceptable to behave in such a way as to deliberately offend people (and if you KNOW that people are likely to be offended by it and STILL behave that way, then it IS deliberate), then you are a twat.

HTH.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I didn't call anyone anything, so presumably i can still think you are insensitive?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Plural position my arse. It's called being angry and agreeing with each other.

[MerryCouthyMows]

Aaarrgghh! NOT THE OP!! CLIPPED.

Brain fail from changing tack halfway through a sentence and not checking.

Sorry OP!!!

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

How typical that someone would not even read my posts but lump me in as having sworn and adopted some mythical 'plural' position.

Couthy, your posts were very eloquent, you can be forgiven for dropping the odd twat in IMO

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

I think it's horrible to say unkind things about or to people who have a disability. That horrifies me.

I am not horrified when someone calls someone "retarded" as a general put down for doing something stupid. But, I don't do it because it upsets people. I don't think they should be upset, but they are, so why say things that will offend them?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

But that is equating doing stupid things to having a disability so IS being unkind about disability and should be equally horrifying.

[JakeBullet]

To the OP, YANBU....it is unacceptable in this day and age...totally and utterly.

How anyone can defend it is beyond me.

[TheNebulousBoojum]

In my day, lots of things were different, ClippedPhoenix.
Words like retarded, Educationally Sub-Normal, and racist language were part of people's daily vocabulary, along with corporal punishment and very tightly-defined gender roles..
Things change, it's called education.
You need to move on from the attitudes you developed in the 60s and 70s.