SIL Lunch nonsense, warning VERY trivial

[monkeynuts123]

Ok SIL is a pain in the arse, being tricky and controlling with everything. She has had lunch with us many times and knows the children eat lunch at 12.00 - 12.30, being very early risers and are starving by lunchtime and cannot wait a minute more. She knows this, this is something we all laugh about. She has made lots comments in past that we should generally feed kids before us so we can 'relax and eat' but we LIKE to eat with our kids as a family and they won't sit at teh table without food and are unlikely to play peacefully while we eat and enjoy adult time (being 11 months and 3 years).

Today for lunch she invites us for 1.00pm. I txt saying can we please make it lunch for 12.30 as kids crawl walls after that and seems silly to feed them first. She txts back oh come as planned and we'll feed kids first and we can eat after.

I'm just pissed right off with this. What sort of grown up can't eat frigging lunch half hour earlier so kids are ok. SO I said we'd come as planned and all eat together. Suppose I'll feed the hungry tigers before we go and put up with them being unsettled at the table but so irritated with sodding irritating and controlling SIL. AIBU? What would you do? p.s there is always some problem with this woman!

YANBU (I know, not a popular opinion on this thread). Mine are also v early risers so often have lunch before 12 - and if I gave them a late snack then they'd not want any proper lunch and so mess around at the table etc. Wouldn't exactly be a nice relaxing meal with two hungry, bored, probably tired kids. Also my DC2 would need a nap straight after lunch - fwiw this is how they've been trained at nursery so I've had to adapt to their timetable! I totally see where you're coming from. Maybe you can go for a morning/afternoon coffee instead?

More accommodating? Really? I only ask because 1pm seems pretty early for sunday lunch as it is. Cant imagine a lot of people eating it any earlier than that! I think SIL is being accommodating enough.

Ah, it's one of those.

AIBU?

YABU

If the OP comes back I guarantee she'll cling on to the 2 YANBU for dear life, ignoring the 40+ YABU.

Kitty how old are your kids? i might have some understanding at the difficulty adapting a newborn or young baby when trying desperately to keep a routine but the OP has a 3 yr old also who should by all means be able to survive half an hour longer than most days for his lunch and behave.

Yabu, is this a reverse aibu? If not, try and realise that the world does not revolve around you

yabu - I would just feed them before then have lunch at sil. But then I agree with your sil that its much nicer to feed small children before then relax and enjoy a "grown up" lunch after where you can enjoy a nice conversation without being distracted so much. We have plenty of meals together with the children at home and in restaurants and not everything has to revolve around them all the time.

Come back Op.

asleb we do that at the kids parties and when me sis comes to stay. feed the kids first while we are all at the table then let them loose after they have finished and then sit and enjoy some grub (thought slightly colder lol) and banter.

As everyone has made YABU pretty clear I'll move on to, why can't an 11 month old and 3 yr old play without interaction for the duration of an adult meal?

But Kitty a lot of the rest of us are/were in the same boat and managed without expecting everyone else to kowtow to what OUR children's routine is. I used to give my early risers a snack at about 10 and if they didn't eat their lunch then they obviously weren't particularly hungry. No big deal for one day. And I say this as the most embarrassingly pfb person out of anyone I know!

My now-ex because I divorced her brother SIL did this. The tantrum over the year I refused to do Christmas dinner at 12 to accommodate her badly behaved brats was epic. I am so glad I don't have to do that anymore

I do feel sorry for you OP, I know how it feels when others don't give a toss about your routine.
I went to my SILs to stay over and my children were hungry by 6. Dinner was eventually served at 9.30pm. I was so upset and the youngest fell asleep hungry missing it all together.
I think family should definitely take your needs in to account when you have children.
I've learnt to always have a backup plan - carry snacks and if you think it might run late then pack some ready meals.

Kitty I'll accept tired but they can't not want lunch and be hungry. And if they are bored you'd let them down to v play as sil said.

Ok point taken. I did want to know if I was bu. She is a first class pain in arse though and I suppose the back story affects how I feel about this. Will feed kids first.

YABU. And controlling.

X-post.

She might be a pain in a lot of ways, but think how you're going to come across to people with an attitude like this around eating. People will - rightly - say the same about you.

Good on you for accepting the torrent of YABU's

Good for you Op.

If you already have a difficult relationship with your sil then you might need to let this one go. She's obvs making an effort by having a lunch for everyone. I don't get on well with my sil but you have to pick your battles wisely. This probably isn't one of them.

Give the wee ones some rice cakes/bread sticks/ what have you and give the older one a colouring book and some crayons or something new to occupy herself with for a bit. Pour yourself a big glass of wine and try to relax and enjoy a lunch you didn't have to make yourself!

(Mouse x)

LadyApricot your circs were a bit different. A three and a half hour wait is very different to half an hour.

Fair play OP.

SIL is the tricky, controlling PITA?

Good on you OP for acknowledging ywbu

Well done op - took it on the chin!

OMG - I'm having cold sweats here. I love my cousin but she is exactly like this. The whole world revolves around her two DSs - 2 and 4

I had terrible pregnancy related insomnia. Partly to do with how my 13 week old DS was lying on my bladder so really from 20 weeks wasn't sleeping. It got cumulatively worse so that by 30 weeks I didn't sleep at all at night and spent most of it in the loo.

At 36 weeks, we went away for a family holiday. I had just finished work for mat leave and, as per usual, spent the whole nights on the loo so was really rather tired understatement of the fucking century I had just gone for a lie down and managed to doze off at 11:30am. DH was and tippy toe-ed of for a run so not there to play sentry I was then woken up with a start by loud screeches of "lluuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnncchhhhhhhh" outside our bedroom door. Dear cousin's two PFBs had to have lunch at 12 on the dot and we had^ to all eat together as a lovely family etc etc.

Er....I'm asleep and I don't want to eat fucking lunch at 12 like a two year old, thank you very much.

All of our family arrangements are made around a ridiculous and apparently immovable schedule of sleeps and meals for cousin's two DCs. Hysterically, my DSis has a two year old too and quite often his general nap/lunchtime is moved so that my cousin's 4 year old's isn't changed by even 10 minutes. Christ knows how cousin's DCs will cope when they goes to school. The interesting thing is that my sister's DC copes just fine with the changes.

So - after that epic rant - YABU! This makes me even more determined to make sure my little DS is not like this or we'll be lucky to get any invites anywhere anyway!