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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny making comments about our income

174 replies

MrsLion · 02/03/2013 22:54

I have just gone back to work 3 days a week and have hired a nanny to look after my 3 dc- (6,3 and 1).

She is about 50 and is definitely a 'mrs doubtfire' type of nanny. Very efficient, very proactive, works hard and is great with the kids (a little strict- but they still love her).

But, there are a few comments she has made about our income which have rubbed me up with wrong way.

I'll give you some examples and the context:

  1. When talking about ponies and children
    Nanny: you better not get DD2 anywhere near a pony, because then she'll want one- and you can't afford it.

  2. Telling her what our weekly food budget was (she does grocery shopping sometimes)
    Nanny: Oh right, well, of course I'm used to working for doctors and lawyers

  3. Telling her about school drop off and uniform etc
    Nanny: Of course I'm more used to private schools as i often work with really wealthy families

  4. When talking about dd1 spelling and reading homework
    Nanny: you should see what they're doing in the private schools- way more than this at your age (said to DD)

So I generally completely ignore these comments and brightly change the subject without responding at all. At first I put them down to an unfortunate turn of phrase but as there have been a few I am now feeling a bit pissed off.

Ok so the last two are not directly income related but felt it was said indirectly. Btw I'm not remotely jealous of private school for a 6yo- we are very happy indeed with her local primary school.

So, AIBU to think this is rude and out of line to make these comments. I have no desire to prove whether or not we can afford a pony- actually we couldn't. But more annoyed she felt it was her place to comment in the first place. How do you think should I handle it- especially considering she's an excellent nanny in every other way.

Or am I overeacting - we've had some financial difficulties over the last year or two and maybe I'm a bit oversensitive.

Hit me with it!

OP posts:
RatPants · 02/03/2013 22:57

YANBU - how rude! Grin

WorraLiberty · 02/03/2013 22:59

Apart from, "you better not get DD2 anywhere near a pony, because then she'll want one- and you can't afford it."

I don't see a problem really.

FelicityWasCold · 02/03/2013 23:00

Yanbu it is rude- but IME people who talk 'straight ' like this but are basically good people take it well if you talk straight back. So next time make it clear that you find the comment rude. She will either not do it again or show herself up to being not actually a very nice person. In which case she isn't a good nanny.

foslady · 02/03/2013 23:00

Hmmm.............looks like she thinks she's taken a backwards step..........I would not be happy either

bunnymother · 02/03/2013 23:00

She is being rude.

IndigoCat · 02/03/2013 23:01

It would annoy me and I don't think the comments are likely to end anytime soon either.

Jinsei · 02/03/2013 23:01

Yanbu!

I'd be tempted to tell her that, while she might be used to dealing with people who were richer/posher than me, you're more used to dealing with people who have some basic manners!

magimedi · 02/03/2013 23:02

YANBU - she is rude, but if she's good with your DCs & you are happy with everything else she does you are just going to have to live with it.

kim147 · 02/03/2013 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 02/03/2013 23:04

I would say to her 'If you would prefer to look for another job with lawyers or doctors & with your charges at private school please just let me know :)'

Angelico · 02/03/2013 23:05

Jaw-droppingly rude. Seriously. Can't believe anyone would not find those comments rude! She sounds a bit insecure, like she feels like she has somehow come down in the world working for you and has to put on a good show of 'Of course I'm more accustomed to working with... than you plebs'. And if I was paying her it would piss me off!

For some reason the grocery budget comment particularly incensed me - but made me snigger too. If she's a good nanny I would probably take the piss out of her tbh and hope she gets a grip.

chandellina · 02/03/2013 23:06

Yanbu but try not to take it to heart. Our nanny previously worked for wealthy families and comes out with nonsense like this from time to time. Oh well, times change, we're not taking her to the Caribbean!

Angelico · 02/03/2013 23:06

And what Jinsei said!

ReallyTired · 02/03/2013 23:07

You can't be that badly off if you can afford to pay a nanny.

If she has offended you should tell her how you feel. It is appauling manners to insult anyone in this way yet alone your boss.

Comments about working for more wealthy families are irrelevent; she works for you.

germyrabbit · 02/03/2013 23:08

why would you post this in aibu? did you make it up?

CloudsAndTrees · 02/03/2013 23:08

Her first comment was rude and misplaced, absolutely. But I think you are taking the others far too personally. They weren't comments related to your income, they were comments related to her other experiences of employers. From the things you say she has said, I think she's talking about herself and you are making it about you.

MajesticWhine · 02/03/2013 23:10

I don't think you are being oversensitive. I think she is out of order. If she does it again, I would directly challenge her.

kim147 · 02/03/2013 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary · 02/03/2013 23:10

No she is a bit out of order especially with comment four. Hard to know what to suggest. I think if she was a good nanny I'd try and find some witty retort as a reply. But she might just get worse. Nevertheless if she works hard and the DC's like her that is worth a lot more than a few annoying remarks.

FloraFox · 02/03/2013 23:15

Get rid. Do you really want her teaching your kids this sort of thing is ok? If she says this to you and DD Shock in front of you, what is she saying when you're not there?

Original poster
MrsLion · 02/03/2013 23:15

Thanks for your replies.

Next time she makes a comment about our income in relation to grocery budgets etc I was thinking of saying something like:

"Given your level of experience, I'm sure you don't have any difficulties adapting to all sorts of budgets"

If I feel like she's putting down DDs education again - especially in from of her, I'll have to be a bit stronger.

No I can assure you I'm not making this up.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsLion · 02/03/2013 23:16

Grin at jinsei and bighead

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsLion · 02/03/2013 23:19

Cloudsandtrees- I did wonder if I was doing that. Hence my oversensitive remark.

Interesting mix of replies here.

OP posts:
oldraver · 02/03/2013 23:20

Next time nip it in the bud.." I dont pay you to be rude to me"

Teapot13 · 02/03/2013 23:26

Totally out of order.

I also find it extremely odd for her to be basically boasting about her wealthy employers as if their wealth is a reflection on her. She works as a nanny and presumably cannot afford most of the things she is talking about, so who is she to act superior? (I'm not saying it would be acceptable to make these rude comments if she were wealthy herself it would just be less odd.)

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