Nanny making comments about our income

[MrsLion]

I have just gone back to work 3 days a week and have hired a nanny to look after my 3 dc- (6,3 and 1). 

She is about 50 and is definitely a 'mrs doubtfire' type of nanny. Very efficient, very proactive, works hard and is great with the kids (a little strict- but they still love her).

But, there are a few comments she has made about our income which have rubbed me up with wrong way.

I'll give you some examples and the context:

1. When talking about ponies and children
   Nanny: you better not get DD2 anywhere near a pony, because then she'll want one- and you can't afford it.
   
   
2. Telling her what our weekly food budget was (she does grocery shopping sometimes) 
   Nanny: Oh right, well, of course I'm used to working for doctors and lawyers
   
   
   
3. Telling her about school drop off and uniform etc
   Nanny: Of course I'm more used to private schools as i often work with really wealthy families
   
   
4. When talking about dd1 spelling and reading homework 
   Nanny: you should see what they're doing in the private schools- way more than this at your age (said to DD) 
   
   So I generally completely ignore these comments and brightly change the subject without responding at all. At first I put them down to an unfortunate turn of phrase but as there have been a few I am now feeling a bit pissed off.
   
   Ok so the last two are not directly income related but felt it was said indirectly. Btw I'm not remotely jealous of private school for a 6yo- we are very happy indeed with her local primary school. 
   
   So, AIBU to think this is rude and out of line to make these comments. I have no desire to prove whether or not we can afford a pony- actually we couldn't. But more annoyed she felt it was her place to comment in the first place.  How do you think should I handle it- especially considering she's an excellent nanny in every other way.
   
   Or am I overeacting - we've had some financial difficulties over the last year or two and maybe I'm a bit oversensitive. 
   
   Hit me with it! 

[FarBetterNow]

She probably has no idea that what she is saying is offensive to you, she probably just thinks that she is making conversation.
Her duties seem to be beyond looking after the children, if she does the weekly shop too, especially without a shopping list.
What are her other duties?
Does she live in?

[signorapacino]

I think all these comments are rude. She sounds a bit of a snob. I think she feels her status has dropped a bit.

[MagicHouse]

How is it harmful or a 'put-down' for dd to learn that some other children her age have a more advanced curriculum?

Because the original comment was obviously a criticism of the little girl's school/ teacher/ homework. I don't think it's fair to level that sort of critcism at a child, who can do nothing about it whatsoever. It would simply make her feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't want someone, who thought it was ok to make my child feel like that, looking after her.

If she truly felt that the dd was capable of more, there are much more positive ways of going about it, rather than implying to a little girl that her school isn't up to scratch. Does she even have any idea of what sort of homework the girl is capable of?

Also it goes without saying that sending vast amounts of homework home doesn't necessarily mean the whole curriculum is "advanced!"

[flatbread]

Magic, I think you are over thinking this. Most children would just think 'groan, ok, have to do more spelling now' and put their head down and do it.

I just don't see the criticism. It seems a factual observation.

[MagicHouse]

The thing is, it's not really about whether the little girl has more homework than everyone else, less homework than everybody else or no homework at all.

The point is, the nanny is criticising something that's probably really important to her (her teacher/ school), and there'll be nothing a small girl can do about it.

Personally I would rather my kids be looked after by somebody who was interested in what THEY (not children in other schools) were doing, and interested in developing their self esteem.

[Alittlestranger]

From the way you've presented it she sounds rude, but you also seem very touchy. What is your income? Maybe she's worried that you can't actually afford a nanny and will have to let her go soon? If she's used to working for higher income families she might be genuinely surprised/confused that you're managing to afford her and be worried about how sustainable it is.

[FlouncingMintyy]

"How is it harmful or a 'put-down' for dd to learn that some other children her age have a more advanced curriculum?

In fact, that would be a good explanation and starting point to give dd additional homework/tuition."

Well, its up to op if she wants her children to have a more advanced curriculum, isn't it? Not the Nanny!

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I think she sounds like asnob who is discombobulated by the change in the income level of the family she is working with. She sounds tactless - her personal issues leaking into her interaction with you, and more importantly, your child. The comment about the spelling was NOT itended to be helpful and it is the intention which is important.

I'd take the suggestion upthread about some kind of performance review, see if she can change, but if not,..

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Exactly Mintyy

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

And i agree with your post too, Magic

[KC225]

I think she sounds like a snob - now I know the party line is that 'snobs' are to be pitied because they are insecure etc. but it is bloody annoying. If it is irritating now, so early on, then it will grate even more later. I think you need to nip it in the bud before your 6 year old starts to take note - you don't want them turning out like Katie Hopkins kids

[MrsMushroom]

I would talk to her. I would say that you do not like her comments about money and income and that it is very ill mannered to make such comments. Explain you do not want the DC to hear them and YOU don't want to either.

She sounds bloody awful imo.

[MrsMushroom]

Can I also say that the older generation of Nannies have a sort of snobbery about them. Working for a titled person for instance afforded them some status among peers.

She's working for you...and may be trying to make herself feel better about it.

That sounds terrible and it's not personal but her age makes me think that.

[LittleEdie]

Isn't she just trying to impress you?

[flatbread]

It depends on the remit of the nanny. If part of the nanny's job is to supervise homework, then of course it is ok to comment on it and provide additional spelling lessons.

I seriously cannot imagine a child overanalysing the comment as some of you seem to be doing here. Quite overly precious reactions here

Lots of people identify with their employers 'worth'. Wouldn't you feel more proud saying you worked as a designer for say, 'Apple' or 'Google' than 'Huziang Guo' or some unknown company.

No offence meant to OP and I would just not take this personally. There is no perfect nanny or perfect family. If she is good at the stuff that matters and takes good care of the children, I would just roll with the rest.

[scottishmummy]

Crucially,the rapport has gone,the relationship damaged.you don't like her comments
Frankly I wouldn't be accommodating this any further,shed only stay til new nanny recruited
I'd have no qualms sacking her,she is undermine you by derisory pithy comments

[expatinscotland]

I agree with scottish.

[Pickles101]

I'd have no qualms telling her to fuck off and showing her the door. Time for a new nanny!

[MsTakenidentity]

Appalling. Downton Abbey has a lot to answer for

[flippinada]

I think she sounds very rude.

Not that I'm an expert or anything but if you and the children are otherwise happy with her then maybe have a word and give her an opportunity to change, setting clear boundaries as to what is acceptable.

Otherwise, in the circumstances, send her politely on her way.

[KindnessofStrangers]

I used to have a cleaner like this. We live on the Essex borders and she cleaned a lot of footballers houses. She constantly named dropped about who else she worked for, made comments about DD not having a 'play room' and generally tried to make me feel a bit shit. She was a great cleaner so I put up with the comments but one week she left a note saying our house wasn't to her 'standards' and she was leaving. Made me feel really great!

[claig]

I think I would say something like:
"If you've got a hangup with wealth, you are welcome to take a job for a doctor or lawyer with kids in private school'

She'll probably give it a rest after that. It sounds like she is not very confident and tries to boost herself by association.

[ImperialBlether]

Am I the only person who Googled "'Huziang Guo"?

[cory]

A little taken aback at the comments about the poor old nanny struggling with growing old, or needing indulgence because she belongs to a different generation. The woman is 50! I'll be 50 in December, plenty of MNers with your children are 50, being 50 means you grew up in the 70s, not before the War or something.

Personally, I would not be happy with somebody with such a poor grasp of manners being in loco parentis to my children on a daily basis.

And pace flatbread, I am not really sure that the examply of dissing her employer is the best way in which the nanny can teach these children to get on in the world.

[flatbread]

Am I the only person who Googled "'Huziang Guo"?

Lol, I just made that up as an example of an unknown company