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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that dp's mum and dad could put themselves out once to babysit their grandchildren ?

103 replies

prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 17:40

They haven't had them since dd was born shes two in may and they had ds overnight then which he loved, they loved it too and there was much talk about doing it regularly, not a sausage since !

So recently I asked Dp if he could ask if they would like to come over more frequently (they live an hour 1/2 away) they say yey so have been over in the afternoon all great etc

Sooooo Dp asked them to help me out whilst he goes abroad during the easter hols and have dd and ds overnight they say yey, que me asking today if they could really help me out by having them for the afternoon whilst I do something for my business ( very important promotion and marketing day so absolutely have to do it )

And they say no, they looked at the calendar and see their friends son has got a concert and his mum has been very supportive of Dp's brothers concerts so she doesn't want to let her down

Am I BU to feel let down ? That it's ok to let me down ?

I don't have parents to ask to babysit and they know this

I feel really let down and upset mainly because I thought we were close and she will know how much I need this for my business and how important it it to me

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 28/02/2013 19:43

They have plans. They're not just saying no because they don't fancy it!

Maybe offering them to have the children every so often on their terms and not just when you need them to might improve things a little?

GrendelsMum · 28/02/2013 19:44

As someone who has dragged family members and friends to plays and concerts over many years, I suspect that the friend probably would be disappointed if they let her down now.

People don't actually want to see their friends' children's plays and concerts, even when they're adults!

And they probably know that you've got lots of supportive friends with children of the same age.

I don't suppose the kids are of an age to be taken to the concert, are they?

kinkyfuckery · 28/02/2013 19:45

it would be 9-6pm so really a big ask

Thought it was just "for the afternoon"? Confused

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 19:48

It is always on their terms when they come it's has to be otherwise they don't come. We don't have a car anymore do can't go to them

No they are too young it would probably be very stressful keeping them quiet during a concert ;)

OP posts:
Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 19:51

Yeah it would be better if it was 9-6 but if they had them for the afternoon that would be better than nothing and I could ask a friend to fill in

Sorry I was trying to be flexible as I thought having them all day would put them off

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FlouncingMintyy · 28/02/2013 19:53

I don't understand. They are helping you out by having them overnight aren't they? Is this another day?

Bogeyface · 28/02/2013 19:54

AThingInYourLife

I didnt say that the OP could dictate, and yes it is a favour. I was saying that she has the right to feel disappointed when they said they would help, they know how important it is and will not consider cancelling to make their familys life a little easier. It is of course entirely up to them, I was just pointing out that the OP INBU to feel let down.

I also said that as they will often choose to not see their GC or have them for any amount of time (I dont understand that POV myself but their call) then she should make other arrangements or accept that she will have to miss things, no matter how important they are to her business. Like the rest of us do.

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 19:55

Well that was an option but she didn't mention it

I think I've not been organised enough or been clear with her what I need and unfortunately the one day it would be great if they could have them overnight they are busy

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Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 19:56

Yup we are an island, no family help here

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Squeakygate · 28/02/2013 19:57

They have plans. Plans you think they can change but perhaps they are the sort of people to stick to something once arranged even if a better offer came up.
Not a bad thing.
On balance yabu.

Squeakygate · 28/02/2013 19:59

Oh and book them early for the next school trip!

CloudsAndTrees · 28/02/2013 20:07

If its a concert they might have had tickets bought especially for them, which means that if they canceled, they would be letting someone else down in an even bigger way than it would be if they just had plans.

Hulababy · 28/02/2013 20:10

But they already have plans. They have made a commitment to go out with someone else on that day, possibly at cost to either themselves or the other friend involved.

It doesn't mean they won't help at another time does it? Or that they don't love your DC.

It just means that they happen to busy the one night that you have asked them.

HappyMummyOfOne · 28/02/2013 20:14

Loving their grandchildren doesnt mean they have to put their lives on hold when you need them. They should be able to spend time with their grandchildren just for the fun of it at their leisure.

It can he hard working and juggling children but its part of life. Perhaps look for a local childminder that takes adhoc work or swap with a friend and give them the chance of a night out etc.

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 20:20

Yeah I think I'm bring over sensitive because it will be a stressful day and I could do with the support

Maybe i feel it's also become a bit of a glory job in that they love to tell their friends what I do ( portraits) and I have done one for dp's dad. They do support us well, they have helped with my studio (putting power and light in) no mean feat......I just need this one last favour !

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Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 20:21

I do agree with all of your points from those who have contributed, it's a irrational emotion thing

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queenofthepirates · 28/02/2013 20:33

I don't think you're being unreasonable and neither are they. I would suggest remembering this time and making a mental note to help your kids out when they have their own families.

My mum used to tell me a story about when the whole family got a D&V bug and she called her mum to try and get some help. Her mum said she was too busy with the cat. Mum's never forgotten (not one to hold a grudge eh?!) but last weekend when I went down with an infection, she was on hand to whisk my DD off whilst I went to A&E. I couldn't have been more grateful to her, I was on my last legs in tears with a tired toddler.

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 20:35

Right ! My friend has offered to have them !! And she is lovely and out children do get on well, I can return the favour as I'm doing some paintings for them anyway mates rates. Whoop !! Feel much better now

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Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 20:37

Do you what queen that is totally lovely ! What a great mum, I will endeavour to be that mum

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maddening · 28/02/2013 20:39

Is fil going to the concert? Could he help while mil goes?

What age are your dc? If school age any parents that might be happy to do reciprocal play dates (for want of a better word :))

Slainte · 28/02/2013 20:39

Ah, I feel your pain pretty and you are entitled to moan and stamp your feet.

maddening · 28/02/2013 20:39

Ha x post :)

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 20:42

Ooh no they go everywhere together, I think they would be better together as they are 2 and 5, 5 year old is quite quiet and very helpful with 2 year old

My friend will now have them as I have been moaning ;) her dd and mine play together lovely so I think that will be ok

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Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 20:43

Thank you slainte ;)

OP posts:
Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 20:44

Now for Wine

Keep getting these wrong Wink

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