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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask about being known by a middle name instead of first name?

80 replies

plasticcup · 27/02/2013 19:44

Is anyone known by their middle name or does anyone use their DCs middle name instead of their first given name? Due to rubbish intials of the names we really like for our new baby, we are thinking of changing the order of the names so that our first choice will be the middle name and he will be known by that name IYSWIM.

Has it caused any problems or confusion for anyone? I know lots of people used middle names in t'olden days but wondered how common it is these days.

OP posts:

TheCatIsUpTheDuff · 27/02/2013 19:49

I did, until I got rid of the unwanted name by deed poll. It was a pain in the arse. All my exam certificates were in the first name, every time I went to the doctor, dentist, job interview, heard from tax office - basically any time I was likely to be feeling overwhelmed, nervous or vulnerable, I'd be called by a name that wasn't me.

It was better than using the first name, which I was delighted to see the back of, but it's not something I'd choose for my child.

On the other hand, my mum uses her middle name and it doesn't bother her at all when someone calls her the wrong one.

secretofcrickleyhall · 27/02/2013 19:49

I am. My first name begins with H but my middle name with R - I have always been known by my middle name (ie that was the name my parents wanted to call me.) It doesn't help no one can spell or say my middle name, my 'real' name!

I have to say yes, it has caused me a lot of problems. Even just recently I have been charged £25 by my solicitor because the house I am selling belongs to R but my passport has my full name on it. It also causes problems in the doctors, hospital records, banks. In short, it's a pain in the arse and it does irritate the hell out of me! I would definitely avoid it!

secretofcrickleyhall · 27/02/2013 19:50

TheCat - love how we both used the exact same turn of phrase!

SauvignonBlanche · 27/02/2013 19:51

Please don't do it!!
Is a real pain in the arse, I hate always being called by first name - it's not me!

Doretaball · 27/02/2013 19:51

A family member has this. Only problem they've encountered is when going on holiday with friends was that tickets were booked in the wrong name and didn't match passport!

Latara · 27/02/2013 19:51

Lots of elderly people are known by their middle names; it causes confusion at work (a hospital ward) to be honest.

Peka · 27/02/2013 19:54

I am known by my middle nickname I.e you wouldn't guess my given name from my official name and I rather like it! Makes life more interesting. Although I do often ask organisations etc"who am I?"

NorksAreMessy · 27/02/2013 19:56

DS is known by his middle name, as his first name is a family name. He is tenth in a line and I would have had to be pretty churlish to fuse.
My DH, FIL, GFIL and DS are all known by their middle names.
It has caused precisely no problems at all in the last 16 years

KindleMum · 27/02/2013 20:00

I wouldn't do it to a child. It's inconvenient for the reasons already stated and the adults I know in that situation have changed their names by deed poll.

secretofcrickleyhall · 27/02/2013 20:01

Is your DS 16, though Norks?

Mine was irritating but insignificant until I turned 18 and discovered the real drawbacks. I do feel a bit irritated with my parents about it to be honest (they gave me a really, really stupid name as well as putting it 'the wrong way around') as I do think 'how hard would it have been to have put them in the correct order' but hey!

foosty · 27/02/2013 20:04

it is a pain in the arse

i am known by my first name by official folk like the bank etc

the most annoying thing is when people find out your name isn't your first name, iykwim, so you get the 'but WHY do you call yourself foosty? It's not your first name?'

and I don't have any real answer - even my parents couldn't remember why it turned out that way

don't do it to your kid unless you absolutely have no choice!

CoolaSchmoola · 27/02/2013 20:07

My IL's did this with all their children (5) and they ALL hate it.

It was has caused them problems from the day they started school, and they are all in their 30s and it is still causing them problems. My DH was mocked because of it - kids will pick up on anything 'other' - he even had a teacher who insisted on calling him by his first name not his middle name, and he was too young to feel he could correct a teacher, so was called it for months. It upset him because it wasn't 'his' name, except on paper it is.

If it is an initials issue bear in mind that in all likelihood they or other people will use drop the first initial anyway and if it's just the order of names then I would say use your favourite as the first name and choose a middle name with a different first letter. That would be infinitely preferable to condemning your child to a lifetime of explaining a choice you made or them legally removing the first name because it serves no purpose other than to confuse.

As his wife I now end up explaining it to people as well - it's a pain in the ass.

At our wedding, when it came to our vows a collective gasp went up as the majority had no idea DHs name wasn't actually the one they knew him as. Not quite what you want during your wedding ceremony, didn't particularly like having to explain it at the reception either.... All because my IL's had some crazy whim to give their children two names but use the middle one.

I doubt your child will appreciate it, and will more than likely drop the name you like enough to do this - making it pointless.

Beamae · 27/02/2013 20:08

I was called by my middle name until I swapped my names around by deed poll as a teenager. As a little child I found it humiliating when someone like a teacher would use my first name and the whole class would snigger. When I grew up it became annoying and pointless. Why would you ever call a child a name you don't intend to use? It's ridiculous!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/02/2013 20:09

DH is known by his middle name due to that family first name bollocks and it's a pain in the arse. From banks to mobile contracts. I even had to promise to take 'first name' as my lawful wedded husband. I bloody hated that.

secretofcrickleyhall · 27/02/2013 20:09

the most annoying thing is when people find out your name isn't your first name, iykwim, so you get the 'but WHY do you call yourself foosty? It's not your first name?'

Yes!

This thread is brilliant. All these annoying things that have happened to me have happened to others too.

redandyellowandpinkandgreen · 27/02/2013 20:19

I'm known by my middle name, it was my parents decision. It is quite annoying, I wouldn't do it to my child. Everyone says "why don't you use your first name?" Like it was my choice. I also get confused about what I've registered as so sound a bit of a dick phoning for appointments like I can't remember my own name.

someoftheabove · 27/02/2013 20:22

Just don't do it. I had to say "I take you, Stephen" to my DH on our wedding day, even though I and everyone else only ever used his middle name. My brother shouted, "Who?" and everyone dissolved in fits of giggles.

redandyellowandpinkandgreen · 27/02/2013 20:24

I also booked tickets in my given name but my passport obviously says "first name, given name" and Ryanair wanted to charge me £80 to change it!

At my wedding though I used known as name only.

I keep meaning to drop the first name but bloody forgetting!

someoftheabove · 27/02/2013 20:24

It was a registry office, btw, not a church.

AnnoyingOrange · 27/02/2013 20:27

Why not add a second middle name if you are worried about the acronym

KatyTheCleaningLady · 27/02/2013 20:31

Yes. My oldest son is named after a historical person, first and last name. We'll say his name is "Benjamin Franklin." (Which it isn't.) Anyway, he's always been called "Franklin." But, we just moved to a new school and he decided that henceforth he'll be known as "Benjamin."

It's weird hearing other people calling him that! He's still "Franklin" to me.

SlatternismyMiddlename · 27/02/2013 20:32

I am called by my middle name as is everyone in my family. It has caused me no problems whatsoever. I did have alot of medical appointments in my youth and got used to listening out for my first name. Other than that, it hasn't made a hoot of difference.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 27/02/2013 20:33

All of my children are named after someone like that. One of them goes by the first name. The youngest is actually called by something pretty much entirely different. He's named "John ___" and we call him "Jack" because his grandfather is named "John" and it's less confusing that way.

Also, we like to do weird things with our children's names. That's how we roll.

QuacksForDoughnuts · 27/02/2013 20:38

I am known by my middle name by my own choice. The most resistance I have had has been from my parents, the other issue is getting older family members to call me by the right name. Other than that I've had very little problem since pushing to use my middle name at college. I was warned that paying a cheque with the name I use into an account started by my mother with the name she uses might cause difficulties, but it never has. Neither has being employed with a name that doesn't come first on my birth certificate. Having said that, if I have to write my name in full I normally write the two names the 'wrong' way around, and I do make sure my de facto middle name/initial is on official documents.

Anifrangapani · 27/02/2013 20:39

I like it because I can always tell when a phone call is a cold call because they ask for my first name

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