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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit upset that my friend has not invited me to her wedding?

276 replies

stormforce10 · 24/02/2013 22:52

We've known each other since we were 11 and stayed good friends. I met her fiancee on a train which got delayed, we talked for hours, stayed in touch and a few years ago I introduced them and 10 months ago they got engaged.

This evening I spoke to her and she told me that she's decided not to invite me to their wedding in April as she only wants a small one. Fair enough but given she's invited all her work colleagues and quite a lot of our other friends and their families AIBU to feel somewhat upset and wonder if there is another reason she's decided to leave me out

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 26/02/2013 12:50

Well I'm really glad you found out what the issue is.
If it was me and she was a 'good' friend, I would call her and get together to discuss this.
It needs to be sorted out once and for all so you can all move on.
As for the person who told her this - she's the one who needs to be 'cut out'! Cheeky mare!!!
I hope it all works out - really I do!

lastsaloonNelson · 26/02/2013 12:50

If gossip monger is a woman,could it be her he might have been unfaithful with,and to cover her bare a*se she told your 'friend' it was you?? Why else would you do such a thing? Confused

DonderandBlitzen · 26/02/2013 12:56

OP. Any idea why this person might have such a grudge against you that they would tell this lie?

DonderandBlitzen · 26/02/2013 13:01

I only ask as you immediately knew who it was that told the lie

TeamEdward · 26/02/2013 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 26/02/2013 13:04

If gossip monger is a woman,could it be her he might have been unfaithful with

I dont think that it is that complicated tbh.

Some people just shit stir for the fun of it. They take 2 and 2, make 1374, take it as fact and spread it around. I used to work in a pub and honestly some of the chinese whispers-esque gossip had to be heard to be believed. You could easily go from Woman A complaining that her husband had gone to visit his over bearing mother again, to him having left her for another woman and they were having to sell the house, she was moving away blah blah, in a couple of days. I have seen it happen, and the devastation it caused. Some people really are that stupid that they dont consider what they are saying and what it could do to real people and real relationships.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 26/02/2013 13:04

Wow. Well done for finding out. Hugs.

What kind of fool would ditch the friend and go ahead and marry a suspected cheat?

And I thought that soap writers exaggerate when putting together drama plots.

Mm. So, I guess the next instalment would show that the lying gossip is actually the one who slept with the fiancé on said night and told the lie hoping to destroy wedding plus an annoying, rival friendship in one go. Oh, and pick up fiancé in the aftermath.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 26/02/2013 13:05

X post.

Bogeyface · 26/02/2013 13:05

I couldn't be friends with a bloke who cheats on his fiancee that night after the engagement or ever. The OP didnt say that he cheated, she said that someone has gossiped that he cheated with the OP. Thats all she knows, apart from the fact that she didnt cheat with him.

halfthesize · 26/02/2013 13:09

Hi Ive been lurking also and read this whole thread, I feel so Angry and Sad for you.

Strange thought that she has only just decided to say anything and was quite happy to continue meeting up with the person she believed slept with her partnerConfused

I hope you are doing ok OP?

expatinscotland · 26/02/2013 13:27

I'd tell her that since our friendship means so little she was willing to throw it away over a pile of crap, to consider us done, have a nice life. Goodbye.

And that would be it.

AyeOopMoose · 26/02/2013 14:48

Blimey. Just blimey.

I hope you don't waste anymore time on her. She's obviously got her priorities all wrong.

I would however ensure any mutual friends knew why I wasn't invited to the wedding.

youmaycallmeSSP · 26/02/2013 15:23

This is one of the weirdest things I've ever read. She thought you had slept with her fiancé and she was still friends with you? She was still going to marry him? And he didn't say anything to you after she talked to him about it? Confused

foslady · 26/02/2013 15:28

Been lurking, purely because I didn't think there was anything constructive I could add...........until I've just updated myself on the situation. I'm appalled that you could be treated in such a shoddy way, she doesn't deserve a friend like you Stom.

I hope she's feeling as bad as she made you feel now.

foslady · 26/02/2013 15:28

ArrggghhhStorm I meant!

StephaniePowers · 26/02/2013 15:31

It is really odd that she would continue to see you once or twice a month, thinking that you'd slept with her fiance.

nilbyname · 26/02/2013 15:33

Wow, I lurked the whole thread and now this! Wow, poor you op.

Try and calm down, take afew days to mull it over and do nothing till then.

I understand that you are LIVID though, I would be too, and so so hurt.

Thumbwitch · 26/02/2013 15:34

Wow - wasn't expecting that to come out of the woodwork!

Step away from the crazy woman, Stormforce - and if you are sure who the shit-stirrer was, then just send a very brief, venting comment to them and then forget them too.

What a mess! Shock Can't see that marriage lasting long if that's how it's going before they even get married.

ConfusedPixie · 26/02/2013 15:41

Shock That's awful! I'm also amazed that she's marrying this guy if she thinks that he slept around the day after they got engaged and takes somebody else's word for it. I feel sorry for him actually!

I hope that you get shot of her, people like that are not worth having in your life.

MarinaIvy · 26/02/2013 15:44

I only got up to page 4, so sorry if I'm just repeating what others are by now, but when you mentioned that she hates any mention of [the groom's] past, it all clicked for me. She's a control freak, and it won't be long before we're seeing him here in the Emotional Abuse section with a thread headed something like "DW cut off all contact with my past..."

Somebody like your alleged friend is never going to get that you or any other woman can be simply (I never say "just") friends with a man or vice versa.

Keep us updated on what you said and her reaction? (again, if this is mentioned on page 9, I apologise for the cross-posting!)

HairyHandedTrucker · 26/02/2013 15:49

why would you consider marrying someone if you thought they shagged someone else the day after you got engaged? Hmm

MarinaIvy · 26/02/2013 15:52

Whoops, I realise the thing I'd read was actualyl bogeyface's old friend.

Bogeyface · 26/02/2013 15:55

I was about to post about that Marina!

RedHotRudieParts · 26/02/2013 16:02

See, I don't think she heard any rumour , I think its her own paranoia talking and that's the bullshit she fed you abduction no doubt him as an excuse for her looniness!

MarinaIvy · 26/02/2013 16:22

Wow, finally caught up!

Glad you confronted, storm, and keep up the good work: do your damnest to make sure people know the truth about the lies.

And I agree with the "special circle of hell" comment - that also happens all too often!