Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit upset that my friend has not invited me to her wedding?

276 replies

stormforce10 · 24/02/2013 22:52

We've known each other since we were 11 and stayed good friends. I met her fiancee on a train which got delayed, we talked for hours, stayed in touch and a few years ago I introduced them and 10 months ago they got engaged.

This evening I spoke to her and she told me that she's decided not to invite me to their wedding in April as she only wants a small one. Fair enough but given she's invited all her work colleagues and quite a lot of our other friends and their families AIBU to feel somewhat upset and wonder if there is another reason she's decided to leave me out

OP posts:
YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 26/02/2013 18:22

Wow this is terrible.
It's horrible when you realise a friend thinks so little of you.
Fuck her op she's a cow.

NotYouNaanBread · 26/02/2013 18:27

(sorry for my completely random & irrelevant post above - thread was on my screen when I opened laptop earlier & forgot to refresh before posting)

Xales · 26/02/2013 19:06

Absolutely shocked for you!

You must be gutted that a so called friend could think this of you Sad

No answers apart from hold your head high and don't let the nasty people who spread these rumors and your friend who believed them get you down.

HecateWhoopass · 26/02/2013 19:28

Well. It just shows how little she thinks of you, doesn't it?

Even more reason to dump her now, imo. That she was so ready to believe that of you.

And believing that you'd slept with him - she was still marrying him?

stickygingerbread · 26/02/2013 20:36

have been following this topic but never expected today's development. Colour me skeptical. The bride's story conveniently changes her role from spiteful and petty to victim-of-betrayal. Yet she hasn't been behaving as a betrayed person. She was called to account and came up with a story. Then she wanted you to calm down. However, if the person in the role of Gossip bears out this story, I will be surprised and educated again.

In any case, this person is unfortunately not even marginally a good quality friend. She has probably told her fiance that you were invited and have declined (a variation on iMyself's experience) and perhaps even told a story that you declined rudely and/or cruelly refused to let your dd even be a flower girl. I'd put money on it.

Here is my tip based on experience. Think back over your long friendship. Does your friend have certain shortcomings that you have accepted and not judged previously and have not previously impacted you - but now those shortcomings are directed against you? Have you witnessed her being manipulative, untruthful in a cowardly way, excuses, play the victim, insecure and spiteful?

She seems foolish. By not properly inviting you and refusing to honour generously your role in bringing them together, she reveals herself and the subject will be talked about by all your circle. Most people will draw the same conclusion RedHot and so many of us have drawn.

stormforce you are a good, generous, kind friend and your friendship should be valued and would be by sensible people. Wishing & knowing you will have better friends in future.

maddening · 26/02/2013 20:45

I wouldn't let a shit stirring gossip ruin the friendship - it obviously means something to her if she hasn't mentioned her suspicions - the gossip needs to be sorted out!

shesariver · 26/02/2013 20:46

I would love to know what fiance makes of all of this - if indeed he has a clue whats going on.

shesariver · 26/02/2013 20:48

I wouldn't let a shit stirring gossip ruin the friendship - it obviously means something to her if she hasn't mentioned her suspicions

No instead she just decided not to invite Op to her wedding, perfectly normal rational behaviour. Hmm

IAmLouisWalsh · 26/02/2013 20:49

Fucking hell, Stormforce. She is nuts.

Viviennemary · 26/02/2013 20:50

I hope I've read enough of this thread to get the gist of it. I wouldn't bother with either of them. They both sound like trouble and both sound very insecure. I'd let them get on with it. If she is so ready to believe rubbish I don't think it is a good start to her marriage. I can't see either of them will be very happy. Sounds awful. Wouldn't even be surprised if the marriage doesn't go ahead. Honestly, what chance has it got.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 26/02/2013 21:11

Wow. Unbelievable! I admit I am now wondering what the story will be from the gossip..

Rowlers · 26/02/2013 21:12

Stormface, hope you're ok?
As an outsider (obv), I feel some pity for this "friend" - not in terms of how she has behaved, but because she clearly must be deluded / deranged / insecure enough to behave in such a bizarre manner.
Not sure my pity would extend to wanting to save the freindship, though.
Hope you manage to resolve the situation, at least in your own mind.
It's horrible having to deal with this sort of bollocks.

TeamEdward · 26/02/2013 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorksAreMessy · 26/02/2013 22:13
Shock
nickelbabe · 26/02/2013 22:20

I took it to mean "I know who the gossip is"

Bogeyface · 26/02/2013 22:20

Team I think she meant that she knew who it was that had said that the she (the OP) had slept with the fiance, not that she knew who had slept with him.

OP -She now accepts it was her misunderstanding and says someone else told her about it and she believed them over him and didn't even ask me.

Mner - I'd be wanting to know who it was who spread the lie and having a little word in their shell-like!

OP- i know exactly who it was and believe me when I've calmed down enough words will be said

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 27/02/2013 00:35

Shock wowzers! i was not expecting that at all. i think i would just cut ties with them both and just walk away. if she truely believes you would do something like that, and you carried on remaining friends, then its always going to be the elephant in the room. it will become very awkward between everyone. what does your partner make of all this? he must think she's blooming loopy!

hope you're ok storm

Greydog · 27/02/2013 01:45

Crikey - just read through this, and the women is daft. Hope that you're OK, storm.

KeatsiePie · 27/02/2013 02:01

Whoa! Didn't expect that at all.

Since she believed the story, doesn't that imply pretty strongly that the fiancé did sleep with someone, though not you? I say that b/c I imagine that if he hadn't slept with anyone at all surely he would have said so and this all would have been dropped. Since it wasn't dropped, what I'm imagining is that there was some indication that he did sleep with someone, and that resulted in a giant fight, an admission of guilt, and a reconciliation, but he wouldn't tell her who it was.

Don't know why someone would tell her it was you though. How malicious. I am so sorry. What a horrible phone call.

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/02/2013 02:31

She is not your friend. Bonus you found out before you wasted any more of your valuable life on her.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 27/02/2013 09:36

It's all too easy on a thread like this for everyone to jump to a LTB response, but real life is more complicated, and our response to people's mistakes can be more considered and nuanced.

Just because you think someone has cheated on you is not necessarily a reason that you have to end a relationship with them - for many yes it is, but not all and we shouldnt judge the bridezilla by our personal values as she may have different ones. OP, you may know better whether there are mitigating reasons why she would perhaps accept that, or be so prepared to think ill of her fiance, or be so needy that she would go ahead with things anyway. Is she the sort of person to insist her DP should dump his female friends?

She has behaved appallingly to you but there may be mitigating reasons before you give up on a lifelong friend just because we vipers jump to a LTB response.

ChallyCreaks · 27/02/2013 10:02

WorkingItOutAsIGo one of OP's close friends has accused OP of cheating with the fiance. I would be mightily pissed off if a good friend thought so little of me and I would ditch her straight away. Life is too short to be "friends" with people who cannot trust you.

OP she clearly has ishoos. I would step away and leave her to it. I expect she will come grovelling at some point and it will be up to you if you want to persue the friendship. I am also

OP, I am Shock and Sad for you.

DonderandBlitzen · 27/02/2013 10:36

I don't think you can continue a friendship with either the future bride or the future groom now. I think you need to cut all ties. Must be upsetting for you. Sad

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 27/02/2013 15:03

Chally, yes I know. But sometimes people make mistakes and this would be a bleak world if we were all punished forever for every mistake we ever made.

I am not saying the OP should forgive, I am just suggesting she not throw away the possibility of forgiveness. I do feel like a lone voice on this thread but think she needs to hear something to balance the consensus.

expatinscotland · 27/02/2013 15:38

This so-called friend didn't make a mistake, though. She chose to believe a load of gossip and throw away the friendship over it.