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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday and NOT take DD?

128 replies

akaWisey · 24/02/2013 17:16

I haven't had a holiday for 6 years. I haven't had a holiday without DC's for even longer. I haven't EVER had a holiday with a RL friend.

I'm 53 and divorced for 2 years. I had to sell the family home to enable ext to fund a private 6th form course that my DD and her DF arranged between themselves. I now live in a rented house and I have equity for another house if I can raise a mortgage (at my age, WTAF). I am saving towards that too. I work very hard F/T and always have done.

My friend says it's been a long hard slog for me and she wants us to book a holiday in Zanzibar for later this year. It looks fab. I want to go. But I think my DD will be angry and upset that 1. I'm not taking her as well (despite her preferring to spend all her spare time with her partner and/or friend) 2. I have said I can't afford to pay insurance on a car she wants to buy.

So AIBU if I just book this holiday? Or am I selfish?

OP posts:
ThingsNeedToChange · 24/02/2013 17:18

No YANBU or selfish

squeakytoy · 24/02/2013 17:18

Sounds to me like your daughter is a bit of a pandered madam.. go on the bloody holiday.. you can be damn sure she wont invite you to go with her when she goes away.

Ragwort · 24/02/2013 17:20

I think you should go, assuming your DD is 6th form age, where will she stay when you go away?

I can never understand 'older' children who even want to go on holidays with their parents, I stopped going on family holidays around 13, surely its not that 'cool' for a teenager to go away with her mum? Your DD is old enough to learn that you have a life too - and why on earth is she expecting you to pay for her car insurance Hmm?

ilovesooty · 24/02/2013 17:21

She sounds like an entitled little madam. Go away and have a lovely time.

Heavywheezing · 24/02/2013 17:23

Well how old is your daughter?

I say why not go?

goodygumdrops · 24/02/2013 17:23

How old is your daughter?

Domjolly · 24/02/2013 17:24

You need some muumy time please go frazzled mummies are no use to children

kitbit · 24/02/2013 17:25

If she's old enough to drive she's old enough to understand that you are going on holiday.
And let her pay her own car insurance, little madam.

Original poster
akaWisey · 24/02/2013 17:26

She is 17, will be 18 by the time I go.

Crikey, very fast responses thank you!

She does feel entitled and I feel like I am selfish. Hmm

OP posts:
PastaBeeandCheese · 24/02/2013 17:27

I clicked on this thread assuming you would be referring to a little child. If she is in 6th form she is either already or about to become an adult. YANBU to go and enjoy yourself and I don't think she comes into the equation given her age.

GrumpyKat · 24/02/2013 17:31

Gogogogogogogogo. She'll get over it, and you sound like you deserve it!

ENormaSnob · 24/02/2013 17:31

Is she a bit of a brat?

Sounds like it to me.

Original poster
akaWisey · 24/02/2013 17:34

May I take this opportunity to rant then?

I have taken sole responsibility for everything since her DF went off with OW to make happy families elsewhere.

I hired 3 skips and completely cleared the house of junk. handled the estate agents and the sale alone. Supported DD through her GCSE's months after her DF went. Was two parents for her and still am to a large extent. Have put up with the most obnoxious and offensive behaviour which even I now realise is not just normal teenage stuff.

example: last night she demanded I went to bed at 9pm because she was tired and had to get up for work this morning. Told me I was selfish when I suggested I turn the volume on the tv down (she can hear it in her bedroom and she hates the house we moved to, despite it being completey refurbished and at the top end of my budget to soften the blow of losing the family home).
Because I get this every weekend when she's home I am fed up arguing and gave in.

That's why I am asking about this holiday. I can see how it's going to be received by DD. (who was never like this until the marriage broke down).

OP posts:
MrsPresley · 24/02/2013 17:34

You are NOT SELFISH!

I'm planning a holiday for either later this year or April/May next year and I am definitely NOT taking my DD Grin

I'm going to Memphis and it will be Elvis Elvis Elvis all the way!

I'll be staying in an Elvis themed hotel, visiting where he lived (more than once), where he was born, recorded his first records etc

There is no way I'm taking my 11 yo DD who would be expecting swimming pools, theme parks and beaches, which I don't mind doing with her, just not this time!

Go on holiday with your friend and have a great time!

travailtotravel · 24/02/2013 17:35

Go, go, go. If you sold your house to fund her education (and it sounds like it was without your full say!) you've done your bit for now ...

Heavywheezing · 24/02/2013 17:36

Bloody hell go! My mother always left me. And I'm still bitter about it!

But it looks a great place to go. She's just jealous you are not taking her.

Original poster
akaWisey · 24/02/2013 17:37

Not only was the education choice not my full say, they arranged it behind my back and then I was told. Angry

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 24/02/2013 17:37

She'll be 18 when you go?? Oh, please, she needs to start learning to behave like an adult. I wouldn't tell her my plans, just make them.

And if she told me to turn down or off the telly in my home I'd tell her to stuff it or find another place to live.

CockyFox · 24/02/2013 17:38

YANBU have you even mentioned it to her? Because to be honest I was trying to negotiate my way out of going on family holidays from about 15. No offence but I very much doubt an 18 yr old wants to go away with her mum- if she did go I'm sure all she would do is mope about missing her boyfriend. And if she wants to buy a car she needs to be able to cover the running costs like the rest of us or not have one, although I did once have a friend whos mum gave her the equivilant of busfare to college ( which she was paying while she was at 6th form) towards her car insurance I think it was about £150 for the year and she had to get a job to make up the rest.

HecateWhoopass · 24/02/2013 17:38

good god. You sold your home to pay for her to go to a private college?

You are far from selfish!

Go on your holiday.

Ignore any tantrums that may occur.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 24/02/2013 17:39

Go, your friend sounds lovely, your daughter doesn't.

HecateWhoopass · 24/02/2013 17:39

xpost. wait. they arranged it and you were forced to sell YOUR home to pay for it?

Why did your ex not sell HIS home?

They made you sell your home?

jesus.

StuntGirl · 24/02/2013 17:41

Go. Your daughter sounds like an insufferable brat.

I'm sure the divorce was tough on her but she's almost an adult now. Time for her to start behaving like one.

CockyFox · 24/02/2013 17:41

Cross posted. Sounds like you should just go and leave your ex to deal with the resulting tantrums.

ENormaSnob · 24/02/2013 17:42

She sounds absolutely horrible. Really really unpleasant.

I hope for your sake you wont let this ridiculous behaviour continue.

Tbh, if my eldest started this kind of shit I would be packing him off to his dads.

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