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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to switch to Automatic lessons?

128 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 24/02/2013 15:42

Probably more 'am I being stupid' than AIBU...

I've tried on 5 separate occasions throughout my life to learn to drive. I'm generally a v intelligent & successful person (if I do say so myself ) but I'm an epic failure at driving. I have zilch spacial awareness, my mind totally blacks out when I panic, I find the whole thing terrifying no matter how much I practise....but my biggest nemesis of all are gears (when I panic -which is most of the time driving - I'm far too rough with them causing them to grind) & stalling. I stall everywhere & it scares me to death.

Worst of all...today practising in DH's car culminated in an awful screaming match when I panicked & stalled at least 6 times at the base of a roundabout. He yelled at me and eventually had to get me out. I was shaking so much I just couldn't get the bite point.

I have to learn before DS starts school in sept. & it would seriously help my job prospects. I only did manual as it meant I could practise in DH's car but if his temperament isn't suited to teaching me that's probably no use anyway.

Has anyone got experience of switching to auto? Would I be crazy?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 24/02/2013 15:45

Yes an automatic, with reversing warning beepers would make a big difference I expect.

Practising with your husband is the worst thing you can do, honestly.

I still have clear memories of being in the car with my parents when I was about 4 and my Dad trying to teach my Mum to drive. It resulted in a screaming match, and her walking home.

Wewereherefirst · 24/02/2013 15:46

You're crazy for driving with a loved one while trying to learn- I wouldn't do that again, it's awful!

I would stick out the manual tbh, it's easier to swap from manual to auto, whereas you can't do manual with an auto license IYSWIM?

Get a decent instructor to take you right back to basics and have a positive mindset, you CAN do it

Megsdaughter · 24/02/2013 15:46

I learnt at 40 in a manual, but within a year had bought an auto and would never go back to a manual, like you I hate the gears (plus I have shoulder problems so a auto is easier on it.)

livinginwonderland · 24/02/2013 15:50

don't learn the basics from your husband - bad idea! i'm 24 and learning to drive, but i did at least three months of lessons with my instructor before my dad would even consider getting in a car with me, and even then, he waited until i got my own car.

honestly, get an instructor and go back to the beginning. learn the basics, how to find the bite, how to change all the gears (gentle is better!) and try not to stress out too much. i know it's hard, i still get anxiety driving, but you need to learn with a professional who is used to a) teaching beginners, b) dealing with anxiety and c) doesn't have an emotional connection to you, so that he won't get personal.

it's better to learn manual, and if you don't like it after you have your license, you can always switch to automatic, but you can't do it the other way around. good luck! :)

expatinscotland · 24/02/2013 15:52

Definitely go automatic!

Vicky2011 · 24/02/2013 15:52

I'm not saying this to be a cow, honestly I'm not, but if you have zero spacial awareness and your mind goes blank when you panic then probably driving isn't for you. I know it a pain in the arse not driving but honestly, if it's not for you then it's better for everyone, particularly your kids if you don't.

Yes autos are easier but they sometimes do mad things - far more likely to lose control in an auto and it won't get round the spacial awareness thing.

Original poster

BoyMeetsWorld · 24/02/2013 16:01

Vicky - believe me, if I didn't have to I wouldn't as I've always felt driving and me are just unsafe. But now it's at a point where it's the difference between maintaining my job and my DS still being able to go to a decent school. Also, for many years my DH has had to do the 4 hour round journey every week to take DS to see his father. Not really fair in a relationship purely because one person is rubbish at driving. Somehow I have to learn.

Agree with everyone about not driving with DH. Had hoped he'd be better as he knew my past with trying to drive & how much it scares me but clearly not.

Vicky again - in what way are autos much less controllable?

OP posts:

FancyPuffin · 24/02/2013 16:01

I switched to an automatic for much the same reasons as you. I had a mind blindness with the gears and learning to drive made me utterly miserable.

Upshot is that I switched and have now been driving 9 years and have never thought once 'I wish I could drive a manual' plus it's much more fun like driving a big bumper car

FatherHankTree · 24/02/2013 16:03

I have poor spacial awareness and found driving an auto relatively easy. Relative, that is, to trying to drive a manual car. I was advised by someone who has knowledge of these things that I may have dyspraxia. Google it and see if you recognise any of the symptoms.

I don't mean to suggest that everyone who has difficulty learning to drive has dyspraxia, but it's something to consider.

expatinscotland · 24/02/2013 16:04

'I'm not saying this to be a cow, honestly I'm not, but if you have zero spacial awareness and your mind goes blank when you panic then probably driving isn't for you. I know it a pain in the arse not driving but honestly, if it's not for you then it's better for everyone, particularly your kids if you don't.

Yes autos are easier but they sometimes do mad things - far more likely to lose control in an auto and it won't get round the spacial awareness thing.'

Not true at all. Any mechanic or car expert will tell you that, too. Modern automatics are just as controllable and all newish cars have ABS in them.

Give autos a go, OP! You sound like a conscientious driver and will be fine in an automatic!

spiffysquiffyspiggy · 24/02/2013 16:05

I have held an auto only license for 15 years and never once felt like I needed a manual license. All my family and dh's drive automatics as well. Much easier

Snoozypants · 24/02/2013 16:12

As expat says, autos are as reliable! They are so much easier to drive, I wouldn't waste another minute trying to pass in a manual. I did exactly the same thing as you, couldn't get my head around the gears and put it off for years and years. Finally, whilst living in London I booked some auto driving lessons. Best thing I ever did.
Gets in my nerves when people assume you are less of a driver if you only have an automatic licence. I've never been in a position where I've needed to drive anyone else's manual car. Even my husband drives an auto now and he prefers it. Seriously OP, go for it! You won't look back-and good luck!

valiumredhead · 24/02/2013 16:19

Yeah I did, never got the hang of gears, actually looking back I had shit instructors. Dh always has automatic cars as he prefers them so it made sense to take lessons in it. really boosted my confidence as you completely concentrate on the road instead of what gear you should be in!

NopeStillNothing · 24/02/2013 16:27

Yes yes go automatic! Honestly it was the best thing I ever did.
I was exactly like you OP, tried learning in a manual for years listening to the whole 'automatics are harder/more expensive/ more likely to go wrong/ lazy driving' brigade. Had one lesson in an automatic and became a better driver overnight. 8 lessons, passed test first time. Never looked back!

Do it do it do it!

nennypops · 24/02/2013 16:28

Yes, go for an automatic. More and more cars are going to be automatics in the future, so you're not really limiting your choices. I learnt on a manual and can remember really struggling with it. I did learn eventually and drove only manuals for years. I got very used to it, and even thought I preferred it. However, I then sort of inherited an automatic, and I must say I wouldn't go back - partly because my route to work is a whole succession of traffic jams and traffic lights, and I would be changing gear the whole time. I've never had any problem with losing control or the car doing something "mad".

expatinscotland · 24/02/2013 16:35

Yeah, where are these cars that do something mad? WTF? You put the car in drive, step on the gas and it goes forward. You put it in reverse, step on the gas and it goes backwards. You put it in park, it stops. Most have a 1st, 2nd and 3rd gear on them, some cars even have both! Welcome to the 21st century, where silly old myths like this thankfully go extinct.

crashdoll · 24/02/2013 16:36

I passed on a manual but hated driving, so never did. I'm driving again, on an auto this time and I much prefer it. I feel more in control and parking is a doddle. Go for it! I promise, you won't look back.

My friend is a mechanic and says automatic cars are far less likely to go wrong too.

Original poster

BoyMeetsWorld · 24/02/2013 16:55

Thank you all so much...you're making me feel much better about the decision.

DH is mad at me about it, not talking to me. I don't understand why it's such a big deal to him if I learn Auto. I promised him I'd try manual again, I did and I'm not doing well. Him yelling at me hasn't helped. But I still don't get why it matters so long as I pass...

OP posts:

HecateWhoopass · 24/02/2013 17:09

I learned to drive in an automatic. It's fine. I have to drive an adapted vehicle so couldn't physically drive a manual.

I've never had a problem with an automatic. It really doesn't matter. I don't understand people who think that you simply HAVE to learn to drive a manual.

He's not talking to you? That's really childish. Is your struggling somehow a criticism of him? You are having problems with a manual car AT him? He needs to get a really big grip, if you ask me.

Really don't have lessons from your husband. Apart from anything else - he'll teach you all his bad habits. You need to be taught by someone who knows how to teach you to pass the test.

Modern automatics are great. Really not a problem. Never had a car go mad on me. What would it do? Suddenly announce it was Napoleon?

KenDoddsDadsDog · 24/02/2013 17:12

Automatic - best decision I ever made.

littlewhitebag · 24/02/2013 17:12

Yes yes yes - go automatic! DD and I have driven automatics for years. I even had a sleek sporty BMW automatic and it was the most fun car to drive. You gets loads of cars that are automatic and they are fine. I will never have another manual car. I sometimes drive my DD's car and i keep stalling it as i forget to change gears!

NopeStillNothing · 24/02/2013 17:13

He'll get over it. Mine did.

Who knows why autos have such a stigma attached, like you're not a 'real' driver and God forbid he may actually have to DRIVE it

Mine still won't admit that he actually enjoys driving my car, his excuse is that it's more 'fuel efficient'

ThreeBeeOneGee · 24/02/2013 17:14

I learned on a manual because everyone told me I had to. Took me three attempts. I was then too nervous to actually drive for the next five years.

As soon as we bought an automatic, I took to it like a duck to water. Was able to devote all my attention to the road instead of faffing about with stupid gears and clutch. I have now been driving regularly and happily for thirteen years. There has never been a situation where I have been required to drive a manual, and if there were, I would be too nervous to do so. So that part of my licence was a completely pointless waste of time.

Domjolly · 24/02/2013 17:15

I passed last month in a auto my oh was right behind me his view was we just want you on the road

Took me 3 months and i passed seconed time

littlewhitebag · 24/02/2013 17:17

I meant DH and I! DD has a manual car like is said.

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