to lie to DD about her guinea pig dying?

[alisunshine29]

DD is 5 and as yet we haven't had the death talk. She is intelligent and sensitive but very innocent and to be honest I don't want to shatter that innocence just yet. Her Guinea pig that she loves has died and if I concocted a story about him having to go somewhere she'd totally believe me but on the other hand I know she has to learn about death at some point and it's better from me than other kids, better while it's a pet rather than a person etc. But still, I know a happy story would humour her and keep her happy whereas she'd be really upset over the truth. AIBU to lie?

Yes it would be unreasonable to lie.. the best way for children to learn about death is through animals, particularly if the animal has had a full happy life and simply died of old age.

I think I understand and sympathise...but you know yabu. Sorry. I'd love to go with spinning the tale, but I don't think you should.

I definitely wouldn't, and indeed, haven't.
If it's any consolation, she won't be sad for very long.

marius please forgive me my black soh, but that made me laugh...albeit in a dead sympathetic way and everything.

OP it's a no brainer as you can see.

Children are quite pragmatic where small pets are concerned.

Just don't go up the route of an animal being a replaceable commodity. If you are thinking of replacing the animal - leave it a decent amount of time.

I think he died of the cold to be honest :-/ I think she'll fixate a bit on death and ask lots of difficult linked questions - I.e can children die etc. :-(

Blimey - you cant have the telly on much then - mine is full of daytime adverts of 3rd world childen dying.

FWIW if you are going to get a new guinea pig, get two or three females, they are social creatures, shouldnt be alone, and make sure your shed/garage is warm enough. Put blankets over the cage at night. And a warm meal of bran and potato skin mash works a treat in winter.

OFGS why are people so precious about telling children about death? The longer you keep it 'secret' and lie about it, the harder it is for them to come to terms with.

She might well do. Ds1 became fixated on death for a while after my mother died. He was four.
I wish the death lesson had been a guinea pig. It was ok...I was honest and age appropriate about it, he coped well...but yeah he did go on about death for a while, albeit not in a morbid way at all.

Ds2 is 5 and currently thinking about death, as he has worked out that it's prominent that my mother isn't around. Mil is big part of his life, so he wants to know all about my mummy.
Again honest and age appropriate does it. He's fine.

It would feel wrong to make up a story. There's really no need.

This happened to us a few months ago. Dd was understandably upset but we encouraged her to choose and decorate a lovely box to put piggie in along with straw etc. and she said goodbye to him and helped place him in his box. In actually seeing him and helping to choose where and how he was buried took the fear out of death. Children's imagined image can be much worse than reality.

puds is right. 5 is actually a good age, if you leave it longer it will be much harder, especially if it involves grandparents etc.

Young children tend to be sad for a bit and then get on with it. She will probably ask lots of questions, which you should answer honestly according to your beliefs. Simple things like - her body will turn back to soil to feed all the flowers in the spring, is a nice cop simple explanation.

When mine ask things like 'can mummies die?' I tell them yes, it is possible, but it is very very unusual and I am fit and well, and have not intention of dying until I am and old lady with hundreds of great grandchildren. That is positive enough for them without lying.

Yup. Tell her the truth. At this age she will remember this event, do you really want her to remember that you lied to her, even though you have best intentions.
Pets are always the best way to get the message of life and death over to a young child, berevement is horrid but better to lean with a guinea pig!
Be honest, as steppe says, they need to lean and all the better now when a big hug and a bit of chocolate is often all that is needed to get them through!

learn...it's late

Tell the truth, and read Goodbye Mog with her as a way of dealing with the issues.

One of our cats died when DD was 4yo and we told her he had gone to cat heaven. She didnt ask much more after that. When my Grandad died, I told DD that he had gone to heaven to look after the cat and she accepted it fine. Now aged almost 5yo, I have just lost another cat and told her the same again and she is totally fine with it.

She understands that you dont come back from cat heaven

actually I feel quite strongly about preparing kids. One of the mums at dcs school died last summer, her dd was in Y2, with my dd.
The whole school was talking about it, and we had a lot of these conversations.
It was very very sad.

Having dealt with pet deaths, there was some understanding there.

Three things. Yes, always, always tell children the truth. And don't underestimate 5 year olds "where has he gone?" When can I go and visit?" It's not just one lie- it will spiral, I promise.

Don't confuse innocence and ignorance. They are very very different things

And please please don't leave guineas outside when it's really cold.

Tell her it's gone to Heaven (or Devon) that's good enough for a 5 year old. TBH no one really knows what happens for sure apart from the physical body dying.

My parents lied to me about my cat getting run over and killed. I hoped against hope that he might come home one day (they said he had gone away) and used to call him wherever I went. Years later someone introduced himself to me as the person who found my cat after he had been killed. I shouldnt have found out like that.

Please tell the truth

YABVU to let your guinea pig die of the the cold. That is neglect and you should be ashamed. Perhaps you should tell your daughter that it died because you didn't care for it properly?

And just so that you know, guinea pigs should not be outside if the temp is below 10 degrees. Mine live inside. I hope that you don't get another.

And also for anyone else reading who might have or be contemplating getting guineas - they should always be kept in pairs. Anything else is unreasonably cruel ( and never with a rabbit either which is another ridiculous thing that I have come across).

I work a great deal with animal rescues and get very upset about this.

Haha ok - it's just a guinea pig. No need to act like she's killed a baby!

Yabu to lie about it - but I think you know that anyway.

definitely tell dd the truth, even if you butter it up abit... " guinea pig has had to go to heaven to be an angel..." blah blah blah, but do not do what my df done to me at 5yrs old...

my rabbit died, was told a peaceful story about said rabbit going to bunny hevaen and how said rabbit had been buried under the rose bush and how I could look at the rose bush and remember my rabbit...later I put some rubbish in the outside bin and there lie my "loppy" .... totally distraught! I'm now in my 20's and I still remind my dad of this often