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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to lie to DD about her guinea pig dying?

79 replies

alisunshine29 · 24/02/2013 00:01

DD is 5 and as yet we haven't had the death talk. She is intelligent and sensitive but very innocent and to be honest I don't want to shatter that innocence just yet. Her Guinea pig that she loves has died and if I concocted a story about him having to go somewhere she'd totally believe me but on the other hand I know she has to learn about death at some point and it's better from me than other kids, better while it's a pet rather than a person etc. But still, I know a happy story would humour her and keep her happy whereas she'd be really upset over the truth. AIBU to lie?

OP posts:
phoenixrose314 · 24/02/2013 11:01

I agree that countrykitten was being a bit harsh as OP is obviously going to have to face her daighter's upset over her neglect - but sallybeth you are being equally ridiculous in saying it doesn't matter because its only a guinea pig!! Just because animals can't talk doesn't mean that dying of severe cold wouldn't be just as painful and horrid as it would be for a human being!! It's attitudes like yours that lead to cruel and neglectful behaviour to animals!!

Right, rant over - yes you should tell your daughter, OP. and be honest about any questions she asks afterwards. My grandad died when I was 5 and my mum told me he had gone to heaven - it was fine and I accepted that easily enough, but when I asked her if she would ever die, she lied and told me that she wouldn't.

That story didn't end too well, with me now having a severe phobia of death. I wish she had just told me the truth.

countrykitten · 24/02/2013 11:05

SallyBeth your post is embarrassing. I hope that you have no animals.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 24/02/2013 11:13

If you don't tell her the truth she will live thinking he will one day come back. Best to be honest. With my dd she was devastated would t stop crying but she got to see him say good bye and drew him a picture to put in his box that we buried him in.

With the cat we thought she was too young and we told her she had gone to sleep and she asked constantly when she was going to wake up and can she come back.

Just tell the truth as horrid as it will be :(

LizzieVereker · 24/02/2013 11:16

Tell her the truth. When our lovely dog died, 5 year old DS was surprisingly pragmatic about it. And I think that working through this helped him when my Grandma died a few months later.

I know you're worried that she will be upset, and she might be, but it won't last long, and it's better that you explain about death kindly and truthfully and let her ask questions than her hear half truths in the playground. If you tell her the guinea pig has gone on a round the world trip some little charmer at school will soon put her straight.

Sorry for your DDs loss Thanks though.

alisunshine29 · 24/02/2013 11:16

He was in the garage and covered at night but it has been exceptionally cold. He was happily living with our rabbit for a couple of years for the person who said they shouldn't live together. Will have the talk later then I guess...fingers crossed. The decorating a box and maybe putting a picture/letter/Teddy/photo in I think will work well.

OP posts:
RedHotRudieParts · 24/02/2013 11:17

I doubt the cold has killed tbh, ours lived outside for years in hutches and other than extra hay and food in winter and warm vegetable water we made no alterations for the cold. Even in harsh winters, our porker died in the summer after living well over five years, the two other girls pined away within weeks of each other Sad

The piggies in pets corner at the park are kept the same way I noticed except they have bed boxes rather than a hutch.

However if pig was used to being kept indoors and then moved outside then the cold may have finished it off.

firesidechat · 24/02/2013 11:24

If you tell her the truth she will cope, so no need to lie. We've had many pets die over the years and dealing with the death of a pet is a valuable lesson in life.

If you lie now, she will probably come to realise this eventually and how will she feel then?

CityTiliDie · 24/02/2013 11:26

Bit horrified that you let your Guinea Pig freeze to death.
Our 9 yr old G Pig died on friday and we told DD (4) straight away, she has always known when any of our miriad of rescued pets have passed away and she has a little cry and deals with it. What made friday worse was we went to MIL's to help with the decorating when her 10 yr old greyhound had a stroke and had to be put to sleep in the house while DD was there. We all had a hug and a family chat and dealt with it.

You are teaching your dc to not deal with it and be afraid/scared fo death and dying which is VU.

How would you feel if your DC LIED to you? You are setting yourself up for all sorts of problems in the near future.

CheeseStrawWars · 24/02/2013 11:27

My friend's guinea pig got eaten by foxes. The 4yo DD took it very matter of factly, though did ask questions about what happened to the guinea pig once it was inside the fox... She took it all in her stride though. Better to be honest, I think, otherwise you make death some scary thing that is too awful to talk about, which makes the whole thing worse.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 24/02/2013 11:37

SallyBeth that's a disgusting attitude.

Ali - I'm glad you are going with the truth, it's for the best.

If you get another one (or two peferably) then look at insulation and other heating options. I'm upset that you knew it was colder than normal, but didn't do anything else to protect your DD's GP, it really is neglect.

pumpkinsweetie · 24/02/2013 11:38

It's very sad, it is horrid breaking such news to a child but i'm afraid it has to be done. She will be upset at losing her pet, but unfortunetly the process of grief must be madeSad

bigbluebus · 24/02/2013 11:52

My DS learnt all about death, as well as breeding and babies, by having guinea pigs - although he was 7 when he lost his 1st pet. He has ASD and we were totally honest with him (he found the dead GP and came running in saying there was 'something' wrong.) We held a little funeral in the garden and gave the pet a proper burial with a poem and flowers! It is the only close experience of death he has had so far as he has been lucky enough not to have anyone close to him die yet - he is now 16, so I'm glad we didn't lie to him!

RedToothBrush · 24/02/2013 11:57

I doubt the cold has killed tbh, ours lived outside for years in hutches and other than extra hay and food in winter and warm vegetable water we made no alterations for the cold.

They really should be kept indoors in winter in the UK... The cold and damp outdoors CAN and DOES kill.

RSCPA advice about Guinea Pigs:

Living in a draughty, damp, poorly ventilated or dirty environment can cause guinea pigs to suffer and become ill.

Guinea pigs are sensitive to temperature changes. They must be kept out of extreme heat or cold. Temperatures above 26°C can cause heat stroke and below 15°C can cause them to become chilled.

Someone also said upthread to get two or three females as a replacement as they are social creatures. I'd just like to say, that this type of advice is also quite bad, as it means that there are a lot of males that end up unwanted. If you look at guinea pig rescues they are overwhelmed by males (particularly single boars).

Males can live in pairs if they have a lot of space. Its true that sometimes they do end up fighting and have to be separated, but you can still keep them together as neighbours - that way they have their own territory but still have the social interaction they need. This shouldn't actually take up any more space, since two males kept separately, need the same space as two together anyway - if you house them in a cage that you could divide should the need arise, you won't have a problem if they don't get on.

In my experience males also tend to be more confident, outgoing and receptive to human interaction than females. I know that a lot of the regulars on the Small Furry Animals section will agree with me on that.

DizzyHoneyBee · 24/02/2013 12:01

We have a pair of guinea pigs, we had a sole male for a couple of years and then got him neutered as we were rescuing a female guinea pig. Once they settled down they got on so well so I would recommend keeping them in pairs.

RedToothBrush · 24/02/2013 12:02

RSCPA also say this:

You should provide both a large exercise area and a secure shelter where your guinea pigs can rest, feel safe and are protected from predators and extremes of weather and temperature. Ensure all areas of your guinea pigs' environment are well ventilated, dry and draught-free.

If housed outdoors, the accommodation should be sheltered from direct sun and the prevailing wind direction. Ideally, when temperatures drop to below 15°C guinea pigs should be housed indoors. If not, they must be provided with sufficient bedding throughout the whole enclosure to enable them to keep warm.

DizzyHoneyBee · 24/02/2013 12:40

We have this cage for our two guinea pigs. When we first rescued the second one we had a divider for it that had a door in the divider that could be folded down as a ramp for them to go through. Now they get on we have removed the divider.

DizzyHoneyBee · 24/02/2013 12:41

I should add, the picture shows the divider at one end - it can go in the middle so the have half of the cage each.

LatteLady · 24/02/2013 12:51

When I was little, my rabbit got attacked by a fox and my mother cleared up the evidence from the garden. I was told the bunny had gone on holiday, after a week I got a postcard telling me what a great time he was having, a week later a second card telling me that he was loving it so much he was staying.

Roll on 20 years or more and my sister broke the truth to me that my mother had made it up... I had forgotten all about it, but thought it was a kind thing for my mum to do.

So, please tell your dd whatever you think she can cope with, you know her best.

littlewhitebag · 24/02/2013 12:56

Our guinea pigs live outside in a hutch. I very cold weather we use a microwaveable heat pad to keep them cosy. One died recently but it die not die of cold, it had lost the use of its back legs due i think to cysts or tumours so we had it PTS.
Don't lie to your daughter. She will be able to handle the death of her pet although may ask lots of questions related to this.

ByTheWay1 · 24/02/2013 13:27

We had 2 females outside in a hutch against a sheltered wall- one winter we brought them into the garage (unused) for a week when the temp was -10 for over a week.

They are fine when it is cold - they are not fine if you keep changing their environment or temperature. Ours died of old age this year - they were 12... which is bloomin old for guinea pigs, so can we have less of the "they need to be indoors when it is cold" business - they don't. They need to be kept dry, well fed and sociable - but if you raise them as "outdoor piggies" they are just fine.

We told our girls straight away... 2 weeks later you would not know we had had the piggies at all....

countrykitten · 24/02/2013 13:35

ByTheWay I am very glad that your pigs survived such cold. I think perhaps you should do a bit of research though.

NandH · 24/02/2013 14:04

why has this turned into "grill the op about guinea pig care" ...it only takes ONE poster to state this to the op not several of you...

pictish · 24/02/2013 14:08

I knew it wouldn't be long. Hmm

pumpkinsweetie · 24/02/2013 14:12

I agree, why heckle op?

RedToothBrush · 24/02/2013 14:21

NandH

I posted as several people were posting stuff that isn't in line with RSCPA advice. I think it better to post that and let people know that guinea pigs are sensitive to the cold and think about how they keep guinea pigs. It may improve the quality of life for a few guinea pigs out there, or make people think differently if they are considering getting guinea pigs.

Its not about having a go at the OP in anyway. Its about making sure other posters know the 'official' advice that is out there and the fact that guinea pigs are not as hardy as you might think.

Should I not post, in case I upset the OP then?