Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to lie to DD about her guinea pig dying?

79 replies

alisunshine29 · 24/02/2013 00:01

DD is 5 and as yet we haven't had the death talk. She is intelligent and sensitive but very innocent and to be honest I don't want to shatter that innocence just yet. Her Guinea pig that she loves has died and if I concocted a story about him having to go somewhere she'd totally believe me but on the other hand I know she has to learn about death at some point and it's better from me than other kids, better while it's a pet rather than a person etc. But still, I know a happy story would humour her and keep her happy whereas she'd be really upset over the truth. AIBU to lie?

OP posts:

sparkle101 · 24/02/2013 14:25

Can I just add to anyone's point about rabbits and guineas together. It is a bad bad idea.

The RSPCA do not recommend putting the two together for many reasons including the following:

Rabbits are dominant and like to show their dominance with feet stamping, if a guinea is caught by one of these they can easily be injured or worse still die. Guineas are very sociable (as are rabbits) but rabbits can't talk guinea and guineas can't talk rabbit so the social aspect mixing the two is poor. Guinea pigs can't have rabbit food (they need the extra vitamin c) and rabbits don't thrive on guinea food. Rabbits also carry a virus which can cause pneumonia in guinea pigs, without suffering themselves.

Sorry didn't want to hijack the thread, just wanted to get that said in case you were thinking about getting same again. I think you should tell your dc. I think they need to know about the cycle of life and its important.

P.s I've always had boy pigs and they've got on together brilliantly.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

EnjoyResponsibly · 24/02/2013 14:44

Well OP I expect you feel a whole lot better about the demise of poor guinea .

Back to DD though and the real purpose of the thread. Yes, use the death of the poor guinea as a timely introduction to death.

We told DS at 5 that when you die you go to live on a star. Those on the star can see us, even though we can no longer see them everyday we see them at night.

Hold a little burial service and have a nice tea to take her mind off it.

You may find it helps when a relative dies to have had a soft introduction.

Nectar · 24/02/2013 14:51

Sorry to hear about your guinea pig, Alisun

In terms of explaining death to young children though, it's a difficult one but I think it's best to explain properly.

I've heard many tales of people telling their children that 'Grandma or Grandpa have gone to heaven', and they think that explains the situation. To me, it seems likely that the message being conveyed to the child is that the deceased person WANTED to go, and left them at their own free will. The child needs to be assured that this is NOT the case!

Hard, I know. I hope you dd will be ok.

Skyebluesapphire · 24/02/2013 14:53

Also, my parents told me that my rabbit ran away, when actually it had died. I spent ages looking for it, it was black and called Sooty after sooty and sweep.

My Gran told me the truth several years later and I was annoyed that my patents had lied to me, but they thought they were doing the right thing

exoticfruits · 24/02/2013 14:54

I wouldn't pass over the opportunity to talk about death-no one knows when it will happen and the death of a pet is a good way in.
Children are very interested in the subject-it is adults with the problem.

TheWalkingDead · 24/02/2013 15:11

Agree with other posters - don't lie and use it as an opportunity to discuss death.

I had an acute fear of death when I was around 5/6 years old. My parents didn't really talk to me about death, despite my great GM dying when I was 5, so I became very, very anxious as it was an unknown that I built up in my little mind and I became obsessed with the fact that someone else may die at any point, but didn't feel it was something that I could talk about with my parents as they had never initiated a conversation about death so I thought it was something that you just didn't talk about.

Based on this we have always been very open with DS1 (4) and will be with DS2 (2) about animals and people dying and what we believe happens. Just after ds1 had turned 3 my parents' dog died, a few months after my uncle's and my GM's - and he just accepted that they are dead and not coming back, helped by the fact that my mum and dad's dog is cremated and in a box on the shelf! I think children just take it all in, and it's better to be honest about what is a perfectly natural part of life.

lougle · 24/02/2013 15:16

Has your DD never asked where meat comes from? My 3 year old knows that pork comes from a pig which the farmer looked after until it was time to eat it, then it was killed so that people could eat it.

TheWalkingDead · 24/02/2013 15:17

Oh, and we steered clear of.talking about death as 'going to sleep' or 'gone to heaven' as we felt this didn't explain anything and was open to him getting anxious about us just wanting to leave him or anyone falling asleep in case they died and never come back unnecessarily.

Ragwort · 24/02/2013 15:18

I am also a little surprised that at 5 your DD has never asked or been aware of the concept of death - she must have a very sheltered life.

Our favourite walk when DS was 2 was through the church grave yard and we often stopped and talked about the gravestones . His grandfather died when he was 2, he probably had no awareness of that but people were obviously sad & he came to the funeral; a young cousin died when he was 5 so he certainly had to understand about illness and death.

I don't think it is doing children any good to 'shelter' them from sad things.

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 24/02/2013 15:28

When my cat was found dead (heart I think, no trauma) it was 30 mins before I had to pick just 6 year old DS up. I arranged cat in box so he looked like he was sleeping, popped him in boot under a blanket and picked DS up. I then explained puss had died, and that he was in the car, and we were off to the vets [nowhere to bury puss here]. I then gave DS the option of seeing puss (after explaining he looked like he was sleeping), or just waiting for me. He wanted to see, and gave puss a long stroke, said his goodbyes, and seemed to accept the fact he was gone better than me! While I bawled my eyes out at the vets, DS insisted on carrying puss to his final destination inside. I had a few questions from him afterwards, and he told lots of people puss had gone to heaven or whatever, but I definitely believe I did the right thing telling him the truth.

Original poster

alisunshine29 · 24/02/2013 15:51

I moved the rabbit and Guinea pig inside to the garage to sleep in October to account for the cold weather - was told by vet this would be plenty warm enough so maybe he didn't die from the cold, I was just speculating as he was only 4 and otherwise very healthy. Rabbits and Guinea pigs always live together at the farms we visit, is that not the case for some of you? Ours got on great and usd to lick and groom each other for hours. Now our rabbit is pining so hope she is ok :-( will get some more male pigs in a few months. The sending postcards thing is exactly like what I was thinking of doing and I agree it's kind and don't think DD would hold a grudge when older at all when older. I don't have any family so she isn't likely to lose grandparents etc but our dog whom she adores is 9 so I guess it's best to have the chat about the Guinea pig rather than wait til it's our dog which she'll take a lot harder.

OP posts:

RedToothBrush · 24/02/2013 16:12

On average guinea pigs live 4 - 7 years. So 4 is actually a reasonable age to live to.

PessaryPam · 24/02/2013 16:17

SallyBeth Haha ok - it's just a guinea pig. No need to act like she's killed a baby!

Hahaha they are actually edible too.

ByTheWay1 · 24/02/2013 18:43

countrykitten - " I think perhaps you should do a bit of research though. " - that was uncalled for as I have over 40 years experience of caring for guinea pigs, not one of which has died of the cold, despite each and every one of them being outdoor piggies.

I have been caring for piggies since before there was any RSPCA advice available..... and just because the RSPCA say so does not actually make things to be true.... I now foster piggies - the local RSPCA officer and rescue center officer actually bring them to my house and put them in my hutches (all outdoors) if I am at work, so can't see any complaints coming from them.

NandH · 24/02/2013 21:57

redtooth - why jump on the band wagon?

Lottikins · 24/02/2013 22:05

does your dd live on mars? I can@t believe she doesn@t know what death is>I think it is totally normal for children in the range of about THREE TO SIX TO BE anxious about death

Dromedary · 24/02/2013 22:15

I would be truthful about death - not necessarily that the guinea pig has died because it was allowed to freeze (poor thing), but talking about what death really means. In my opinion and probably yours that does not involve living on a star and looking down on loved ones etc.
My youngest DC is 8 and she is aware of the option between burial and cremation!

someoftheabove · 24/02/2013 22:35

Country kitten - I get my guineas from a rescue where they are all kept outside, even in this cold weather (though my hutch is in the shed when it's this cold). If they have plenty of hay and are in pairs (so can snuggle up) they'll be fine. I brought my two in before Christmas when it got cold. One has Cushing's disease and her fur falls out on both sides - it was much worse indoors and now she's outside, it has almost all grown back (though she still has the disease).
And about having them in pairs - fine when they're alive. But when one of mine died, I got another two to keep the remaining one company. Now one of them has died and I can see this will run and run. At what point do you decide not to get another to keep the lone one company?

cory · 24/02/2013 23:03

I'd do what other posters suggest and treat it as a teaching opportunity. Be gentle, explain that guinea pigs don't live that long, give her a big hug.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 24/02/2013 23:12

That's what I was afraid if with my two guinea pigs some I had two boys and when one died I did look into getting him a friend. Spoke to the pet shop and they recommended getting a baby around six weeks old so it will take ok to not being the dominant one. It dawned on me then that I'd have a mere baby along side a five year old gp. And i would end up in a never ending cycle. I decided to leave it a while to be sure that he was ok and that he wasn't succumbing to whatever his brother died of. In that time he went from being painfully shy to getting brave and really came out of his shell taking treats from my dds hand and coming up to the wire to say hello. I do believe he missed his brother terribly but we became a replacement friend and he seemed happy. After about 18 months he died too and my dd was devastated but had great comfort knowing he's with his brother.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/02/2013 00:30

My DD and DS helped us to bury our eldery cat (cat was 17yo when she had to be PTS) so that they knew 100% that the cat wasn't sleeping or gone to a farm.

And ByTheWay when my 2 furbabies (guinea brothers aged 2.4) finally shake off their mortal coil, I kind of hope it's like when your two girls went. Together, snuggled up and cosy. Just slip away.

Rough on the owner but I'm really dreading when one of mine goes and I'm going over 'options' of who to pair them with

ByTheWay1 · 25/02/2013 11:01

awwww.... thanks 70... it would be hard to pair up with another if they hadn't gone together - I don't think I would want a never-ending, rolling pairing going, next time, when we want to have some more we are going to go for a "mini-herd" of girlies from the same breeder - 4 or 5...

but short term fostering is working nicely right now.. we have some "visitors" at the moment - 3 grumpy boys(!) that are going to their forever home on Thursday...

someoftheabove · 25/02/2013 19:51

Good to know your lone guinea didn't mind being alone, caffeine. It was galling because my lone guinea also came out of her shell to the point where she wouldn't share the run with the two new guineas, so I had to maintain separate households - two hutches and two runs! Lone guinea lived for seven years, so maybe she was a true loner after all. She did get lots of human attention, though, like yours, so maybe with some guineas, that's the secret to a long and happy life!

thanksamillion · 25/02/2013 20:31

Wow, I am surprised that you've never talked with your DD about death before. I live in the countryside (not in the UK) and there are dead animals all over the place .

In fact my DCs denote walking routes by the dead animals they've seen on them (the dead hedgehog path, the dead cat track etc) It's possible that they've been over-exposed

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 25/02/2013 20:41

I think if was nice for him to be the dominant one for a change. He was submissive one and was last to the food and everything. Without his brother he gained some weight and found himself. Don't get me wrong I'd never buy a lone gp or bun as its not fair but we also didn't want to be constantly replacing them either. He wasn't a young gp either and we didn't know their health history really as we acquired them from our mil who didn't know much about where they were from either

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread