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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sound panicked when my child is rushed into hospital

132 replies

TeeBee · 22/02/2013 16:28

Okay, your views please ladies. My children had both gone off to a half term activity this morning and whilst there my eldest got his finger trapped in the hinge of a door. The course leader had tried to get hold of me but the message had gone straight through to voice mail because the signal is pretty crap where we live. Anyway, he then tried to call a few of the other parents who knew us so someone could come and pick him up. Anyway, one of the parents finally managed to get through to my husband at work, who then called me. This time my phone actually rang and he told me that DS had been taken to hospital by a friend of ours. Cue me going 'oh, fucking hell' and scrabbling to get my shoes on to go and get to the hospital. His response was to shout 'listen to me, listen to me, stop over-reacting. I can go. Don't tell me I can't handle this'. (which I never once said at all). I told him it was nothing to do with him, it was about me wanting to be with my child when he has been taken into hospital. He continued to argue the toss as to why I was over-reacting, whilst I continued picking stuff up and getting into my car. Sorry, but does anyone think I was overreacting to say what I said and rush to see my child who had been taken into hospital. I really can't see how I was over-reacting. He, however, made the whole experience so much more stressful than it needed to me by being an utter arse. He has really pissed me off over this.

OP posts:
Original poster
TeeBee · 22/02/2013 16:29

Hmm, sorry, that could have done with a few paragraphs!

OP posts:
TheSeniorWrangler · 22/02/2013 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floralnomad · 22/02/2013 16:34

TBH I do think you could have waited until the end of the phone call as it sounds like you started to panic before you'd even got the whole story . I think lots of husbands would have told you to stop over reacting . If the roles were reversed what would your reaction have been ?

Original poster
TeeBee · 22/02/2013 16:42

Hmm, I had already got the story off him before I started rushing around. Well, in fact he told me it was our youngest child but it was our eldest. Not sure how he got that mixed up.

What would I do if it was reversed? I would have driven straight to the hospital and called him when I got there to tell him what had happened. My first priority would have been to be there for my child.

OP posts:
cory · 22/02/2013 16:44

I am sure it was unpleasant and hope your lo is feeling better now. Thanks

But I can see your dh's pov. Not listening to what he had to say wasn't the most effective way to organise this hospital trip and it also didn't give much attention to his feelings- which presumably would be similar to yours.

"rushed into hospital" does sound a little overdramatic for a broken or bruised finger- it won't have been that much of a rush.

I have had children rushed in under far more dramatic circumstances and tbh I find you can do a lot more for both for the child and the whole family by forcing yourself to stay calm. I often think the one thing that has helped me to cope with the traumas of parenting is that I know I can rely on dh to stay calm and focused in an emergency, and I hope he feels the same about me.

FutTheShuckUp · 22/02/2013 16:45

Did you panic after hearing it was because of getting a finger trapped in a hinge? If so I think you did overeact a lot tbh

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 22/02/2013 16:46

Yanbu. I can understand why you were flustered and upset.

squeakytoy · 22/02/2013 16:46

It does sound like you over-reacted a bit after being told that it wasnt a life or death situation and your husband was perfectly capable of dealing with it.

NatashaBee · 22/02/2013 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badguider · 22/02/2013 16:48

Was your DH on his way or closer to the hospital? If so then I think you could have left him to go... certainly in our house it wouldn't have to be me who went as DH is perfectly capable of comforting an injured child.

PatienceALittleThin · 22/02/2013 16:48

What would I do if it was reversed? I would have driven straight to the hospital and called him when I got there to tell him what had happened. My first priority would have been to be there for my child.

Would you have been happy if your husband had done this? Gone to the hospital himself and only called you afterwards to let you know what had happened?

WorraLiberty · 22/02/2013 16:49

I can understand it must have been a shock to you but even your thread title is a little OTT if he was simply driven there.

I have a friend who tends to react the way you described and I must admit it does wind me up a bit.

forevergreek · 22/02/2013 16:50

I think tbh

Surely you son will be happy enough to see your dh alone. It's only a squashed finger so just waiting around, checks, poss X-ray. Then they could both come home to someone who hasn't been bored stiff all afternoon

If it was something more serious then of course.

We have two young children and if one needed hospital one parent would stay home with the Other unless an emergency

BehindLockNumberNine · 22/02/2013 16:50

I think you over reacted a bit considering it was a trapped finger. Regardless of how much you wanted to rush to be by your child's side, a few seconds of listening to the whole story would have been faster than getting into a flap and subsequent argument.

ThePigOfHappiness · 22/02/2013 16:51

I think you did overreact, yes, but everyone reacts differently to stress. When my dd was rushed to hospital, triage nurse remarked on me being like robo cop Shock

KobayashiMaru · 22/02/2013 16:52

you sound like a flapper. My dh is too, which is why I take control on things like these. You could at least have let him finish telling you. You should apologise.

flangledoodle · 22/02/2013 16:52

Maybe he was being defensive because he felt, by your reaction, that you were implying he coildn't handle the situation.

florry88 · 22/02/2013 16:55

I see both points, I think he should have understood why you reacted in the way you did. men just dont get the mums instinct thing at all, he should accept that.

hoe your son is ok

crashdoll · 22/02/2013 16:55

YABU. Also, I can't bear it when people say 'rushed to hospital' as when it's used, there rarely is an actual rush!

frogspoon · 22/02/2013 16:55

Depends how your DH relayed the information I think.

If the message was: DS has been rushed to hospital, I'm going there now. YANBU to panic a bit

But if the message was: DS has trapped his finger in a door, friend has taken him to A&E to get it checked out and I'm meeting them there, then YAB a little bit U to panic.

Lollydaydream · 22/02/2013 16:58

If your dh started the sentence with 'ds has been rushed to hospital' then I think your reaction was understandable, though you might have waited for 'it's a trapped finger'.

If he started with 'ds has trapped his finger and been taken to hospital' then YAbU.
It is important the way round you deliver this kind of information.
I assume your parenting career so far hasn't involved many medical. issues - long may it continue so!

Iteotwawki · 22/02/2013 16:59

Errr. Your child wasn't "rushed to hospital", even your post is completely over dramatic.

You didn't overreact a little, you overreacted far too much! Why is your DH not capable of being an equal parent and being there for your child?

I honestly dread having to look after the children of flapping panicking over dramatic parents, it makes my job 10 times harder.

Lollydaydream · 22/02/2013 17:00

took so long to type that I see someone else has done it already!

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 22/02/2013 17:00

When I was attacked years ago my dad answered the door to the police. When they told him I was injured in hospital he closed the door in their faces, ran upstairs to get dressed and drove to the hospital.... Without telling my mother Shock he rang her when he got there Shock

OP.... You are my dad, and I can tell you now my mother has never forgiven him for his deranged behaviour that night.

Control your reactions a bit, it was a squashed finger fgs... Why on earth would you need to be there other than to milk the drama?

Original poster
TeeBee · 22/02/2013 17:01

Yes, I had already heard that he had trapped his finger in a door hinge, and he said it was possibly fractured. He was closer to the hospital but I don't really trust him to be there and sort it out. He doesn't ask the questions that need to be asked and he would come home with only half a correct story, if past experience is to go by. Hence, I don't really feel I can just rely on him to sort it out. He is a bit of a dolly daydream.

Okay, I'll take it on the chin though if you all think I over reacted. I still do think if you want to support someone, you do try and do just that, not just throw demands to calm down at them. Yes, indeed, it was the tone he used rather than what he said that pissed me off.

OP posts:
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