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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sound panicked when my child is rushed into hospital

132 replies

TeeBee · 22/02/2013 16:28

Okay, your views please ladies. My children had both gone off to a half term activity this morning and whilst there my eldest got his finger trapped in the hinge of a door. The course leader had tried to get hold of me but the message had gone straight through to voice mail because the signal is pretty crap where we live. Anyway, he then tried to call a few of the other parents who knew us so someone could come and pick him up. Anyway, one of the parents finally managed to get through to my husband at work, who then called me. This time my phone actually rang and he told me that DS had been taken to hospital by a friend of ours. Cue me going 'oh, fucking hell' and scrabbling to get my shoes on to go and get to the hospital. His response was to shout 'listen to me, listen to me, stop over-reacting. I can go. Don't tell me I can't handle this'. (which I never once said at all). I told him it was nothing to do with him, it was about me wanting to be with my child when he has been taken into hospital. He continued to argue the toss as to why I was over-reacting, whilst I continued picking stuff up and getting into my car. Sorry, but does anyone think I was overreacting to say what I said and rush to see my child who had been taken into hospital. I really can't see how I was over-reacting. He, however, made the whole experience so much more stressful than it needed to me by being an utter arse. He has really pissed me off over this.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/02/2013 17:02

He was probably stressed out and overreacting too, I would just move on from it tbh

thezebrawearspurple · 22/02/2013 17:03

yabu, it's a squashed finger, no reason for hysteria (and what good does it do?). If you're going to overreact to everything that goes wrong like this then get used to annoyed reactions. You'll be getting them from from your kids when their a bit older.

Dragonwoman · 22/02/2013 17:03

I would have been only too pleased to be spared hours in A&E for a minor injury. Both DH & I have spent time there with one DC or another for minor injuries & we take it in turns.

Lollydaydream · 22/02/2013 17:06

well yes to be fair, though I think ywbu your dd's reaction wasn't particularly helpful. We all live and learn though.

piprabbit · 22/02/2013 17:06

Perhaps he was calling so that you could support him? Only to find that you were went into instant hyperdrive, made it clear you didn't trust him or want him to be with his child.

BehindLockNumberNine · 22/02/2013 17:06

I think the issues regarding not trusting your dh are a seperate issue. You may need to talk to him about this. Fwiw I sometimes feel the same as dh but tbh some questions I think are imperative are, actually, not that important at all. I still maintain you should have stayed calm instead of going into overreaction mode and met him at the hospital, not gone into a frenzy. I also wanted to point out that your dh naming the wrong child as the injured one is not necesarily down to your dh but to the Chinese Whispers style in which the message was finally relaid to him. A bit unfair to question how he could even get that wrong Hmm But hey ho, what is done is done. I hope ds is ok and I feel you owe your dh an apology.

BehindLockNumberNine · 22/02/2013 17:07

I sometimes feel the same as you not dh...

WorraLiberty · 22/02/2013 17:08

OP there's an awful lot about 'you' in all of this...perhaps that's why your DH got a little frustrated?

You use the phrase 'MY' child instead of 'OUR'...and it seems to be ok for you to swear and panic, but you're annoyed at your DH's reaction? Confused

How about you cut each other some slack and trusting him with both your child?

It's as though you see yourself as a far more important parent than him and that's not fair Sad

Startail · 22/02/2013 17:10

I think your DH would be justifiably angry at the idea he couldn't cope with his own DC being in hospital and being called a Dolly Day dream.

Think what these boards would say if a man said that about his wife.

Strangely men actually can cope with things relating to their DCs without us flapping around them. They might not do it our way, but they are adults and they can manage.

cory · 22/02/2013 17:12

"He doesn't ask the questions that need to be asked and he would come home with only half a correct story, if past experience is to go by."

How many questions need to be asked about a fractured finger? surely it says on the discharge letter and they will tell you whether to come back or not.

"I still do think if you want to support someone, you do try and do just that"

This assumes that you have a right to support in this situation and he doesn't? But surely you should both of you be putting your own needs aside at this point, to concentrate on the one job in hand, supporting the injured child?

My dad is of the kind who needed support if anything happened to us. It was totally draining, and though he is a lovely father, he is the last person I would want around in an emergency. My mum otoh was able to forget all about her emotional needs and be brisk and encouraging. I'd call for her any time.

ToomuchWaternotWine · 22/02/2013 17:12

You sound very patronising and dismissive of your DH. Obv we don't know any previous history to your parenting relationship, but you do come across as a flapping drama llama who thinks only SHE can get it right when it comes to the kids. I would be pissed off at you too if you treated me as if I was an incompetent parent, like it sounds you do with your DH.

Floralnomad · 22/02/2013 17:13

I'm sure if you're husband can hold down a job he can deal with a minor injury to his own child .

everlong · 22/02/2013 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarkyPants · 22/02/2013 17:22

"What would I do if it was reversed? I would have driven straight to the hospital and called him when I got there to tell him what had happened. My first priority would have been to be there for my child."

Unless your DH is not your children's father then this says it all.
You consider yourself your children's 'primary' parent and I'm not surprised your DH was pissed off.

EuroShaggleton · 22/02/2013 17:25

You flapped. It sounds like your husband was (rightly) expecting you to flap and therefore tried to pre-empt it.

MrsDeVere · 22/02/2013 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeaOneSugar · 22/02/2013 17:30

"rushed into hospital" hardly.

whattodoo · 22/02/2013 17:33

Perhaps your DH could hear in your voice that you were panicking and was just trying to calm you down so that you didn't have an accident on the way to hospital?

To be honest, if I were him I'd be pretty hurt at you not considering him to be a good enough parent in times of emergency.

I would possibly have reacted in a similar panic then felt a fool when DP suggested not panicking.

Hope your DS is on the mend.

NorthernLurker · 22/02/2013 17:40

' I don't really trust him to be there and sort it out. He doesn't ask the questions that need to be asked and he would come home with only half a correct story, if past experience is to go by. Hence, I don't really feel I can just rely on him to sort it out. He is a bit of a dolly daydream.'

This is an awful comment you know. You really do not trust the father of your children to be able to adequately care for one of them when they've suffered a minor injury? Oh dear.

Get off mumsnet and talk to your husband. You need to work really hard on building trust between you. At the moment you are undermining him and I'm guessing you're not the only one in the marriage feeling pissed off.

DragonMamma · 22/02/2013 17:40

You definitely overreacted. He was taken to hospital, not rushed to hospital. For a trapped finger.

And what questions will he not ask? It's either broken or not and I'm sure any treatment will be clear for you to see.

My dh would be insulted to hell if he thought I didn't trust him to see to a trapped finger and I regularly send him down to the out of hours with one of our DC to save me going and hanging around

Original poster
TeeBee · 22/02/2013 17:42

Okay, thanks for your opinions. Maybe I am letting my general view of my DH colour my views of his competence as a parent. Like I say, based on past experience.

I am actually genuinely surprised at all the responses though, so may be i need to rethink. It made me chuckle though when someone said I haven't had many medical emergencies. I have a houseful of boys, it seems to happen all the bloody time!

Yes, you are right, I do see myself as the primary parent. Based on stupid actions on his part such as calling me at work to ask if I thought it was okay to leave a 4 year old at home alone while he popped out. And the fact that he caused my youngest to break his leg by landing on him. Okay, thanks for the reality check ladies.

OP posts:
thebody · 22/02/2013 17:43

Ah bit harsh on op I think. When you know your child is hurt you just need to be there and touch them.

However think you were both naturally stressed and so both need to apologise to each other and then move on.

Hope ds is ok now?

givemeaclue · 22/02/2013 17:45

Being married to a buffoon is a whole other issue

runningforthebusinheels · 22/02/2013 17:49

Op- I'm not particularly flappy but I'd have probably reacted exactly the same as you.

cory · 22/02/2013 17:49

I think the "haven't had many medical emergencies" comment was probably based on the fact that for most of us "rushed into hospital" would indicate being blue lighted into hospital in an ambulance either unconscious or in immediate danger. But perhaps it was just the choice of phrase.

What I think most of us do worry more about in your post is that you talk a lot about the need for your feelings to be supported but don't mention your dh's feelings as if they could possibly be similar to yours. Is there any specific reason for this? To do with him or do you think fathers just don't care in the same way?