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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend offered me a lift but didn't take me to my destination...

113 replies

sweetestB · 22/02/2013 10:25

The facts: Friend was bringing dd home from a class she is doing with friend's dd. I go wait for them outside as I want to go straight to visit someone. Friend insists to give me a lift there as it is too cold ( I don't drive and I walk, take public transport everywhere, so not a big deal). I than accepted the lift for a chance of a quickly catch up and friend says she needs to drop off another little girl first (dd of her other friend)

Fine. But afterwards friend says she now has to go pick up her other child from another friend's place and can she leave me there as it's close to my destination anyway?
Of course, I said, but inside I was very confused as all the places were within walking distance , and yes where she left me it's a bit closer to my destination but didn't make that much difference.
I'm grateful she offered my dd a lift from the class but this was the deal anyway so they could attend the class together.
...I also was supposed to bring the girls to the class every morning by bus, but she changed last minute I don't know why. I still went with my dd every morning as I had to go that direction anyway.

Before start drip feeding I'm not sure if I have a massive chip on my shoulder but over the years I started to wonder if said friend do little things now and than to kind of humiliated me ( and re-assure herself) or if is my inferiority complex shining through...

OP posts:
BoringTheBuilder · 31/03/2013 02:50

Thanks. I have being in one hell of abusive marriage and had. Some weird fake friends before, being gaslighted for so long, sometimes it is difficult to tell what is real and what is in my fucked up head only. Anyway, I already text her earlier saying that we are not going and if I plan to go on a church service in a church opposite direction as the one she is holding the christening. Also my home has 5 hidden eggs points for dd tomorrow. We will have a lovely day. I have the feeling if I went to friend's do I would come back wound up somehow. Mind you I was doing shopping when the texts started today and got a bit disorientated, my mind filled up with ?????? I forgot to buy a few things. Need to get stronger.

ChasedByBees · 31/03/2013 04:15

Just ignore her - you don't have to accept her 'favours'. She sounds sly.

PatButchersEarring · 31/03/2013 09:25

OP- read the whole thread and totally agree with lisianthus

You do not need to justify or have permission to ditch this complete cunt of a friend. She is no good for your mental health, and as a pp said, I would hazard a guess that in time her DD may treat your DD with the same total lack of respect.

It's no a question of you 'needing to get stronger' as such. Don't beat yourself up about that. It's just that part of having a healthy self esteem is knowing- and acting- on the fact that some people make you feel like shit. A person with a healthy self esteem does not need any further reason than this to ditch someone.

mercibucket · 31/03/2013 10:15

everything lisianthus said!

happy easter and have a good day together, you and your dd

MusicalEndorphins · 31/03/2013 10:47

BoringTheBuilder, this person thinks she is better than you, and is not treating you as an equal.

I would not go to the Christening tomorrow, or egg hunt, or want to spend time with her anywhere. The Easter basket thing is horribly rude. You were invited and she should have made your daughter a basket the same as all the other baskets. Ugh. Just don't show up, when she asks why simply say you did not feel welcome.

You sound very nice, please save your time, and your daughters time to spend with persons who are kind and gracious.

ditavonteesed · 31/03/2013 11:21

she sounds absolutly awful, you deserve better than that, have nothing more to do with her or she will use your dd in the same way and mess with her self esteem.

BoringTheBuilder · 31/03/2013 11:45

Sight.
My daughter's birthday is soon, her daughter is coming and will be treated very well, but I'm so happy parents aren't staying so I will see her at drop off/pick up only
Than it will be her daughter's birthday, and it's sleep over party. My daughter is excited to sleep over but I will do what other friend is doing, I will collect before sleep time.
Last time when my daughter had a play date there (few week back) I went to collect at agreed time to find her waiting by the door with her younger dd and my dd,(totally normal as I was coming to collect) friend was helping my daughter with shoes and coat, which is weird as my nearly 6 year old doesn't need help to get dressed....anyway, the older dd who is my dd's friend was in the bath and the younger dd was in pyjamas because had had her bath already.
As soon my dd saw me she cried copiously and to this date can't explain why.
Friend say she doesn't know and doesn't understand her crying.
My daughter said her dd 2 went to bath, than was dd 1 turn and she had to play with dd 2 instead of her friend, but it was fun.
I just think it's weird she starting bed time procedures while my dd was there. I went to collect the time she told me to, I wasn't late.
I guess my dd felt unwelcome.
Now, I know, I will take a break from it all after the birthdays and refuse play dates, thing is she insists so much every week than I run out of excuses and end up allowing once or so a month.
My dd is very popular and have loads of friends however she does one class a week with this girl, and has this girl on her best friend list since they know each other for so long.
Play dates will be at mine from now on. If play dates will happen at all.
Thanks for your inputs and sorry for all the drip feeding.
Happy Easter

ditavonteesed · 31/03/2013 11:56

do not leave your daughter with this woman, please.

BoringTheBuilder · 31/03/2013 12:03

I won't anymore and I promise it to myself.

TerraNotSoFirma · 01/04/2013 13:40

Hope you and DD had a lovely Easter Sunday. :)

GoLadyEdith · 01/04/2013 15:26

Yes I hope your day went well yesterday. I see its your Dds birthday soon. Clearly you can't uninvite your 'friend's' dd but in your shoes I would play it v cool with the mum at drop off/pick up and i certainly wouldnt let my dd go to that sleepover. This woman is playing power games with you and your dd; she sounds like a spiteful nine year old, not a grown woman. Btw how old are your girls ?

You have no need to make elaborate excuses when she suggests meeting up. Just say 'that doesnt work for me'/ 'rather not thanks'/ plain 'no' ! If the children want to pursue the friendship let them do so at school. I'd be rescheduling the time of your dds out of school class too. Get rid ! She's a nasty piece of work let's hope she tripped over those hidden Easter baskets yesterday[bugrin]

LemonBreeland · 01/04/2013 15:48

Just read this whole thread and your 'friend' is a complete bitch. Not only is she being horrible to you, she is also extending it to a small child.

You definitely need to put some distance between you.

BoringTheBuilder · 01/04/2013 20:29

golady Girls will turn 6, they don't go to the same school but we live close. There is one time slot for the class but I think the other girl won't attend anymore from the auttum term.
Thanks everyone.

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