Friend offered me a lift but didn't take me to my destination...

[sweetestB]

The facts: Friend was bringing dd home from a class she is doing with friend's dd. I go wait for them outside as I want to go straight to visit someone. Friend insists to give me a lift there as it is too cold ( I don't drive and I walk, take public transport everywhere, so not a big deal). I than accepted the lift for a chance of a quickly catch up and friend says she needs to drop off another little girl first (dd of her other friend)

Fine. But afterwards friend says she now has to go pick up her other child from another friend's place and can she leave me there as it's close to my destination anyway?
Of course, I said, but inside I was very confused as all the places were within walking distance , and yes where she left me it's a bit closer to my destination but didn't make that much difference.
I'm grateful she offered my dd a lift from the class but this was the deal anyway so they could attend the class together.
...I also was supposed to bring the girls to the class every morning by bus, but she changed last minute I don't know why. I still went with my dd every morning as I had to go that direction anyway.

Before start drip feeding I'm not sure if I have a massive chip on my shoulder but over the years I started to wonder if said friend do little things now and than to kind of humiliated me ( and re-assure herself) or if is my inferiority complex shining through...

Yes I know.
And also, it's just winter not the end of the world.

People who always drive have no idea about walking distances or routes (often very different from the route you'd drive) and tend to think that walking takes much longer than it does and is more difficult than it is. So they think they're doing you a huge favour with any sort of lift.

Agree with bigbadbarry. I live in a small town which has excellent public transport links to our nearest city. I live less than half a mile from the station and the station at the other end is in the heart of the shopping area. Train takes 35 mins and costs a fiver off-peak. To drive takes nearly an hour and parking near shops is at least a tenner for say 3 hours.

I am the only person I know who takes the train and even my neighbours who work in the city mostly drive, and if they don't drive in, they drive from our street to the station (where you can't park for more than an hour), while commuters from the outlying villages come and park in our street because its so difficult to park any nearer to the station all day! . Why would you drive to the station when its round the corner, you're able-bodied and the weather is Ok?

My name is mud to some of my 'friends' because I do not drive. In fact I would say it comes up daily.

I am going to learn this year. We havn't had the money up until now and people can be so rude about it!

I agree with the others - some people are convinced that any form of travel in a car is preferable to a walk. I've had people stop and offer to drive me 200m down the road.

My favourite is my elderly neighbours. They could take a bus from outside their house into town, taking 30 mins. Instead, they drive 25 mins to the park and ride and get a bus from there into town, taking 15 mins, instead. They explain that this 'saves time'.

Anyone can comment on my 2nd example?

Your second example sounds very odd. Although I've got no idea why she should do this do you, as I've never been in that situation, I can understand why you felt very uncomfortable with it all.

The other posters who said that she might well be doing this to 'hold one over you' could be right. But I don't know. It might be a good idea to take the advice of the posters who've suggested that you stop accepting lifts from her.

It's not a happy situation to be in with someone who you've always regarded as a friend though, is it?

I think the second example of this is when I would have walked away from the friendship tbh. Weird

There are some other exampes that are not related to lifts, but I think it is a bit like a EA romantic relatiosnhip but with friendship instead if you know what I mean? Sometimes I don't know if it is all in my head or what is normal or not. But I've been backing away over the years and want to keep the doors open so the children can be friends.

Few years ago I was totally skint. But still better off than when we met. (She always have been successful and is from another 'class'). Anyway, in the summer she went to a foreign country and to a highly sought after seaside holiday place in the UK. The only place I went at all was to Brighton to spend a day only, courtesy of my in-laws. Meeting up at the end of the summer at my house, she talks about her travelling and I talk about my day out in Brighton. Than we decided to walk across the council state where I live to go to the playground and the state is completely empty and quiet, which is very unusual in the summer as the kids are all outside playing. Than we comment on how weird, such a lovely day and there is no one outside, no children playing......than she says: 'I know, the all have gone to spend the day in Brighton!!! Now, I was really confused, I still don't know if it was a joke or she wanted to be sarcastic or I'm just paranoid...

I think in your last example she was being a bitch. One upmanship at it's ugliest.

Your last post about Brighton -.it sounds like she is being snobby/trying to be funny by making a joke about the difference in "class" between you. I'd get rid.

I think you are over thinking.

Maybe she thinks that not having a car is unthinkable and that you secretly want a car and she is doing you a massive favour by giving you lifts. Even when you explain clearly that you are happy walking. I think maybe be more insistent, no thank you, I like to walk, no we really have to go now but thank you all the same. Though I have to say that the Brighton comment was pure bitch

If you don't like her, then just don't be friends with her?

It's not like I don't like her. If it was the case we wouldn't be friends for 6 years.

I have a friend like this, in fact I have been friends with this woman for 35 years - but she makes me feel crap about myself, i dont know if she does it on purpose or if the issue is my own tbh but because of this i don't spend time with her. The occasional FB message and obviously chat if i bump into her. If anything bad ever happened i'd be there in an instant but as for day to day stuff, i just can't be around her.

I'm probably totally going to out myself now, but I will try to explain how she has been 're-writing' the circumstances where met.
I was with my mum in a waiting room and my mum picked a magazine to read but she could only a few words in English so asked me to translation. It was 'those' kind of story e.g. a woman having like 14 children with 14 unknown different fathers. So as I translate to my mum in my language, my mum makes bad comments about the woman in the magazine, than friend who is seating next to us and can understand our language, introduces herself and we start talking.
But I have seen her telling this story to people but saying that my mum and I were badmouthing people around us in our language and she decided to interfere to show us that we should be careful because someone could understand what we were saying.
Bollocks.
Thing is, when I'm around I can tell my version, but when I'm not around, people might actually believe in her and it reflects bad on me.

Exactly lucyellenmum I'm not sure if the issue is mine, or hers. Obviously I have my insecurities and so does she even tough she is from another 'class'

I think it depends on how she is with you generally. The lift examples on their own might not mean anything as I have come across the occasional car driver who is like that - If I'm going somewhere within about a 2 miles radius, I'll generally just walk and don't mind doing so at all but the reaction of some people is like I've said I'm just going to run a marathon or (in this weather) embark on an expedition to the north pole. Most car drivers I know also use public transport or walk when it's convenient but I've met a few who drive everywhere and can't imagine being out of their car that long so I guess she might think at least you'll be in the warm for a few minutes if she can drive you a bit of the way. Sometimes it's about going to the car park alone - I used to have a colleague who didn't like walking to where her car was parked after work because it would be dark and quite isolated so she'd wait until I was leaving work and ask if I'd walk with her to her car and offer me a 'part way' lift (ie to the point where our journeys went in different directions) in return. It didn't save me more than 5 minutes off my journey but it was mainly so that she didn't have to walk to the car alone.

Having just read your latest example, it sounds like there is more to it. Do you know if she is like that about other people (e.g. misrepresenting other people to make herself look good) or does it seem to be mainly you?

She is generally a good friend, always kind, helpful, understanding....than when I register incidents or odd comments that makes me feel bad, than I don't know if it is me being over sensitive.
But I guess that as long as I get more confident and happy within myself, which is happening anyway, I can raise above easily and not overthink so much.
I have ditched toxic friends before, so I guess there is a good side to our friendship since it is still on

Her comments are probably more due to her own insecurities and her need to make herself look good rather than anything to do with you. It seems you feel at the moment that the benefits of the friendship outweigh the negative aspects, as long as you can maintain your confidence, not take to heart any comments and have other friendships so that you are not too reliant on her friendship and have other friends' perspectives to keep her views/comments in perspective.

I'm so averse to gossip and talking behind peoples back (at least in RL) that I don't know if other friends feel the same way as I do. However I noticed that he makes an effort to make friends with people less fortunate than her and than makes it her mission to 'help'. Just recently I began to refuse her dd's 2nd hand clothes only because a)My dd caught up size wise and if the clothes are too small for hers is too small for mine too, b)she wants the clothes back at some point for her younger dd and I don't want to feel bad about the clothes getting damaged. Anyway she kept insisting and insisting and I kept saying No thanks. So one day she invited me to her house for a play date and than pop in the club her husband is a member, by bus, as her children are so bored and want to play with someone, once I get there, there is a couple of her 'same class' friends and their kids. She doesn't let me in the sitting room where they are instead takes me upstairs announcing to her friends that I was there to collect some 2nd hand clothes. Once upstairs I explain again that I don't need any clothes thanks (she had a very disappointed face) and what's is going on? Why did she invite me if she already has a full house? She than says they turned up unannounced but I didn't believe her. So she asks me to stay upstairs with the kids and go downstairs to discuss what to do. They all decide to go to a club (again walking distance or 2 bus stops away) and she insists that I go and this turns into a big faff regards who goes in which car and discussions about seats and car seats. I feel very uncomfortable and don't want to be there but my daughter is playing and having fun and I don't want to be rude.

go downstairs to discuss what to do she goes downstairs to decide what to do.