Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend offered me a lift but didn't take me to my destination...

113 replies

sweetestB · 22/02/2013 10:25

The facts: Friend was bringing dd home from a class she is doing with friend's dd. I go wait for them outside as I want to go straight to visit someone. Friend insists to give me a lift there as it is too cold ( I don't drive and I walk, take public transport everywhere, so not a big deal). I than accepted the lift for a chance of a quickly catch up and friend says she needs to drop off another little girl first (dd of her other friend)

Fine. But afterwards friend says she now has to go pick up her other child from another friend's place and can she leave me there as it's close to my destination anyway?
Of course, I said, but inside I was very confused as all the places were within walking distance , and yes where she left me it's a bit closer to my destination but didn't make that much difference.
I'm grateful she offered my dd a lift from the class but this was the deal anyway so they could attend the class together.
...I also was supposed to bring the girls to the class every morning by bus, but she changed last minute I don't know why. I still went with my dd every morning as I had to go that direction anyway.

Before start drip feeding I'm not sure if I have a massive chip on my shoulder but over the years I started to wonder if said friend do little things now and than to kind of humiliated me ( and re-assure herself) or if is my inferiority complex shining through...

OP posts:
ThreeWheelsGood · 24/02/2013 09:08

It sounds like she sees you as a pity case and walks all over you to try and make herself feel better. Sorry.

KlarkyKat · 24/02/2013 09:12

I don't think this is all in youe head, she sounds odd to say the least. It seems like she wants you to be in her debt somehow although her offers of crappy lifts and unwanted clothes are pretty lame favours! By all means stay friends if you like her but don't accept the favours. I personally wouldn't accept being treated like a different class of person and forced into a seperate room- who the hell does she think she is?!

swallowedAfly · 24/02/2013 09:16

can i ask what culture you are from and whether 'class' is a really big deal in status and pecking orders within that culture?

it sounds like that last incident was a set up completely to make herself look like the lady of the manor in front of her other friends.

it sounds awful actually.

CruCru · 24/02/2013 09:17

Sweetest - damn it, dump her. She sounds ghastly.

sweetestB · 24/02/2013 09:20

Thanks for all replies, I didn't mean to drip feed that much when I wrote the OP but always when an incident happens all the memories from past incidents come to my mind. And I just want honest anonymous opinions to establish if her behaviour is odd (and therefore protect myself) or if it is me being insecure (and therefore deal with my insecurities)

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 24/02/2013 09:24

it will probably be a mixture of the two sweet. when people want to play games with us or get one up or whatever other weird stuff they're into they deliberately tap into our insecurities.

sneezingwakesthebaby · 24/02/2013 09:27

She sounds like she's using you to feel better about herself for whatever reason she has. I'd be ditching her if I were you.

Imaginethat · 24/02/2013 09:32

Oh my god regarding the incident with the clothes. She is NOT a good friend, she is awful to you.

I think it matters more how you feel though than what strangers think is normal or acceptable. If spending time with her leaves you feeling awkward, uncomfortable or humiliated, then it is time to distance yourself. Drop you trust your feelings about other people?

Imaginethat · 24/02/2013 09:32

Do you trust, not drop trust!

sweetestB · 24/02/2013 09:34

can i ask what culture you are from and whether 'class' is a really big deal in status and pecking orders within that culture? Yes, I'm from a '3 world country' where class IS a very big deal and she lived there for a big part of her life. She is from a 'good' European country and her H is from a country with huge social differences too and a big gap between classes. The friends in later post was from her H's country.

OP posts:
ladyintheradiator · 24/02/2013 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swallowedAfly · 24/02/2013 09:37

i thought so sweetest. sounds like it's all about status and pecking orders for her. having you stay upstairs rather than in the lounge is treating you like an untouchable - disgusting.

ChunkyMonkeyMother · 24/02/2013 09:40

I drive but i also live within spitting distance of 2 train stations (it takes me less time to walk to them than drive) and its £3 return to get to Liverpool - the train is every 15 minutes.

My mother still insists that we drive over (£3.20 for the tunnel and then £10 for 2-3 hours parking where she parks not to mention the petrol) i just don't get it, she says "oh but we'll have to carry our shopping all the way home" or "it takes such a long time" - it doesn't, the train takes 30 minutes and the drive can take up to an hour on match days! It is a definite power/snobbery thing and its crazy!

MrsJREwing · 24/02/2013 10:11

She is not your friend. I was once friends with a lady, she used to tell me terrible stories of nasty things women did to one another in her community, offloading and regifting in a nasty way an ugly sari to one another. Alas she was a nasty back sniper herself full of bitterness and jealousy, hence no longer my friend now.

sweetestB · 24/02/2013 10:44

Thing is though, the incidents are spaced out and most of the time she is just treats me normally. Perhaps there are some smallish nips that I don't bother to over think or don't even notice anymore. Like when she opened my fridge once and said: no wonder why your husband is not well paid and don't go up the working ladder (my H is a chef), look at your fridge, so messy!! Anh? Excuse me? My husband was always at work and me as a SAHM at that time was using the fridge all the long and I have to admit I'm really messy with fridge and kitchen cupboards. So it was down to me not my H. I never thought of opening her fridge never mind commenting on it. Or even commenting on her H's work.

OP posts:
sneezingwakesthebaby · 24/02/2013 10:57

It doesn't matter if they are spaced out, it matters that they are happening at all. I had a friend who used to treat me like shit but it was once or twice every month or so and I just let it slide as she was nice the rest of the time. Then I realised that if I wouldn't let a man/boyfriend treat me like this, why was I letting her? and I distanced myself before dropping contact completely. I felt much better afterwards and hadnt realised quite how much her comments had been bringing me down. I'd get rid if I were you.

FarBetterNow · 24/02/2013 11:07

It seems a bit similiar to a very attractive, stylish woman deliberately choosing friends who are not as physically good looking and are a bit frumpy - thus making her look really good. Though as we all know beauty is more than skin deep.
I think she has an inferiority complex and is acting as Lady Bountiful.

hwjm1945 · 24/02/2013 11:18

Drop her,she is using you to make herself feel bountiful.

Herrena · 24/02/2013 11:55

She is Not Nice. Say no to anything she offers you, smile nicely and interact with her as little as possible!!

If you feel like it, you could try asking her 'Did you mean to sound so rude?' Wink

HorribleMother · 24/02/2013 12:31

inside I was very confused as all the places were within walking distance , and yes where she left me it's a bit closer to my destination but didn't make that much difference.

She's a driver, ime a lot of drivers have very strange ideas about walking distances. "I can't walk, it will take me hours!"

"Really? I walk it regularly and it takes 20 minutes."

they are genuinely shocked.

I have reverse problem, I have a poor idea about driving times and think driving will take hours when it's really just 15 minutes. Blush

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 18:21

So I came back to this thread to talk about something that happened today, hope will get some opinions.

Some time ago, friend invited us to come to her 3rd child christening and we said we would be there.
Today I texted her about something else and she asked again if we are coming tomorrow and I said yes. So she said that after the ceremony there would be tea/cakes and a easter egg hunt for the kids (lots of kids in her family coming) so as I was in a supermarket I asked if she needed any more chocolate eggs.
She than text back saying that actually she will made individual easter baskets with eggs and treats inside and each child will have to find the one with their name written on it...and she was sorry she didn't have an extra one for my daughter...
I than did not reply at all and decided not to go anymore
20 minutes or so later, she texts saying that she can sort something out for my daughter....I than text saying that I have a basket, material and eggs at home so I can make her own basket. She said fine.

But now I am thinking that I probably should not go...maybe we aren't welcome after all.

1st - she invited me and I said yes
2nd- she reminded me and I said yes
3rd- if I did not ask if she needed more chocolate, my daughter would probably end up empty handed and crying, was it an evil attempt to humiliate us?
4th - she usually treat me differently when amongst her own friends and family and there will be loads there....even if she is fine with me for the whole time, I will probably feel awkward.

I am thinking about texting her and saying we can't make it anymore...
Should I?

ladyintheradiator · 30/03/2013 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 30/03/2013 18:38

Boring are you the OP?

You last example is just very strange, very rude and socially unskilled of her to tell you there would be no chocolate for your Dd. Are you sure she knew you were coming?

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 30/03/2013 18:44

She sounds like she makes these offers and then changes her mind, or thinks you won't accept.

Plumsofgold · 30/03/2013 18:47

I wouldn't go boring , I probably wouldn't even text her to tell her!!