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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend offered me a lift but didn't take me to my destination...

113 replies

sweetestB · 22/02/2013 10:25

The facts: Friend was bringing dd home from a class she is doing with friend's dd. I go wait for them outside as I want to go straight to visit someone. Friend insists to give me a lift there as it is too cold ( I don't drive and I walk, take public transport everywhere, so not a big deal). I than accepted the lift for a chance of a quickly catch up and friend says she needs to drop off another little girl first (dd of her other friend)

Fine. But afterwards friend says she now has to go pick up her other child from another friend's place and can she leave me there as it's close to my destination anyway?
Of course, I said, but inside I was very confused as all the places were within walking distance , and yes where she left me it's a bit closer to my destination but didn't make that much difference.
I'm grateful she offered my dd a lift from the class but this was the deal anyway so they could attend the class together.
...I also was supposed to bring the girls to the class every morning by bus, but she changed last minute I don't know why. I still went with my dd every morning as I had to go that direction anyway.

Before start drip feeding I'm not sure if I have a massive chip on my shoulder but over the years I started to wonder if said friend do little things now and than to kind of humiliated me ( and re-assure herself) or if is my inferiority complex shining through...

OP posts:

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 18:59

Hi, sorry it is me the OP, I didn't realise I name changed since this thread.
She invited me AND reminded me for F's sake
Why not make a list of names and run through it before buying staff for the egg hunt?
It was nice of her to offer to sort something out, but it came after my non reply of her saying she was sorry she didn't have a basket or treats for my daughter. And she and other kids would probably notice that my dd's basket was not as good as the others...the youngest there on the egg hunt would be 4.
Even if I go, my daughter's basket made by me will be all different of the others, I don't want her to stand out and kids to be asking questions. I know what she is putting in her baskets and I didn't find it to buy.
Anyway, I will have to come up with some cold/cough/sore throat.

MTSgroupie · 30/03/2013 19:18

You being over sensitive has my vote :)

A few Christmases ago my mum was in A&E. My SIL and I were in Reception, waiting and waiting. I decided to go to MacDonalds across the road. My SIL told me that it was a great idea because she was getting hungry. But it being Christmas it was closed. Later my brother turned up and my SIL told him that earlier she had sent me to get some food but McD was closed . I was standing there and it was a non event so it wasn't as if SIL was rewriting an important event behind my back. I wouldn't read anything into your friend rewriting events.

RE the husband and the lift, it was wet and it was late so she exercised the prerogative available to all wives - she delegated the task to her DH who had just walked in :)

RE not taking you all the way to your destination I sometimes drop people off at the top of the road if I am in a hurry. I don't see what the big deal is.

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 19:28

Thank MTS, you are entitled to your opinion of course, but I think you don't get it.
It is ok if she decided to ask her husband to give me a lift that I didn't need nor didn't want but it is not ok for him to treat me the way he did.
Maybe I am oversensitive after all.
She did not drop me off at the top of the road...she did a drive around through streets and hills and dropped me off a bit near to where I was going. I would be there quicker if I was walking.

And I suppose you did not read the post about the Easter egg hunting. Is on the previous page.

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 19:29

And your SIL re wrote an event but didn't make it out to be that you were a twat or stupid

MTSgroupie · 30/03/2013 19:42

The husband had just come home presumably from work. It's late and it's wet and his wife sends him off to drive her mate home. No doubt he was was pissed off with his wife but it was rude of him to take it out on you. But I was expressing an opinion on your reaction to.your friend and not about the husband.

As for the drop off, I couldn't even begin to figure out what went on that night. Maybe she was late for something, maybe xyz but bottom line is that she offered you a lift when she didn't have to but you are focusing on the fact that you wasn't taken to your front door.

I haven't had a chance to read the Easter post yet but I will be back later :)

Crocodilio · 30/03/2013 19:44

Def don't take your dd tomorrow. No idea why she might choose to be so odd, but it sounds like she likes to make you feel inferior. Don't give her the chance! And don't lie about an illness, say that an egg hunt with no 'find' for just your dd didn't sound like a fun way to spend Easter, so you've made other plans.

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 19:47

I don't consider 5 o'clock or so to be late. And she could at least send me a text explaining why her husband came in a huff into the car with a thunder face when I was expecting her. Do i see them doing it with their bankers, city workers friends? Hell no.

RobotLover68 · 30/03/2013 19:50

I've read the whole thread OP, I wouldn't go - not sure what game she's playing but I'd suggest you take a step back and stop engaging - she seems to enjoy making you feel inferior, perhaps to make herself feel better

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 19:53

That is brilliant crocodillo but since she offered to make a second best and I offered to make my own, I unfortunetely can't use your line. Oh how I wish it came to my head straight after I received het text

MTSgroupie · 30/03/2013 19:55

I'm a bit OP. You ask for opinions. When I give you my opinion you tell me that I'm entitled to my opinion and I don't get it.

ENormaSnob · 30/03/2013 19:58

Ditch the cunt.

She sounds awful. Really sly and underhand.

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 20:00

sorry MTS. I just thought you didn't read the whole thread or didn't understand the examples. It is like you are trying to minimise everything.
It wasn't late or wet when the husband came. And I didn't do nothing to deserve to be treated the way he treated me.
And the purpose of a lift is to help you out to your destination. Not to slow you down to get there and leave virtually at some where else the same distance where your start point is...

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 20:01

MTS, read the christening/egg hunt post

mercibucket · 30/03/2013 20:06

She just sounds like a bit of a cow. Any reason why you still want to stay friends? If not, just ditch her.

Longdistance · 30/03/2013 20:09

She sounds unhinged.

Ditch the bitch!!!!

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 20:11

Only reason is our DD's being friends since babyhood and get on really well

Grinkly · 30/03/2013 20:15

No - don't go she is a first order bitch taking out her insecurities on you because it boosts her self-esteem (or something cos she sounds nuts and nasty).

The husband thing I would say was her 'proving' to her DH that she is generous enough an individual to spend some of her precious time on a lower class individual. He was grumpy because of what she said to him eg 'OMG, OP has been here all afternoon, please drive her home, I'm exhausted and behind with everything'.

The easter egg is another opportunity she has contrived to belittle you. I wouldn't want my DD playing with her DD to be honest - the woman has ishoos and might take them out on your DD if you're not there. Dump her.

mercibucket · 30/03/2013 20:20

She's probably just setting your dd up to be a bit of a 'lower class friend' she can show off to all her real friends, bit like she does with you (it sounds from this op anyway)

Lavenderhoney · 30/03/2013 20:25

Drop her. She sounds awful. And commenting on your fridge and your dh work/ success.

Being asked to wait upstairs whilst lady bountiful was entertaining downstairs with your dd would make me leave.

If your dds are friends, do play dates at the park or soft play. Or let them just be friends at school. Sounds exhausting to me, there must be other nice girls/ mums at school, make some space in your life for some of them!

Helltotheno · 30/03/2013 20:25

Op she is an arse...ditch her. Don't make excuses, be honest. Distance yourself and your dd. She gets pleasure out of treating your badly and just sounds like a cow.

Groovee · 30/03/2013 20:53

Distance yourself regardless of your dd's friendship. She sounds like my husband's SIL who told the HV she had friends in a deprived area and that she wasn't a snob

MTSgroupie · 30/03/2013 21:06

OP - I reread your post and it said that it was raining and that you had the wet covers for the buggy and that your friend was asking you to stay for dinner and how 'finally' she decided to take you home.

However, when I pointed out that the husband was probably pissed off with his wife because it was late and wet, you corrected me. It was 5pm and it wasn't wet.

Your comment about how she was probably trying to use you to piss off her husband in order to get back at him for something kinds of illustrates to me how your mind works. I mean, my first thought was lazy wife, poor husband. Your first thought was that you was a pawn being used to piss of the husband.

Anyway, you obviously want to be told what a cunt your friend is and that YANBU so I'll leave you to it.

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 21:23

Ok MTS.
It was a very light rain, very light. It was between 5 and 6. I don't know exactly but it was still very bright and light.
She is not lazy, she is the kind who can't stop and relax must always be doing something and is always doing too much....and complaining....and on that day she was probably complaining how her husband doesn't help as much as she would like or never do things her way (like hanging the washing properly or other silly things like this)
But it is very hard for me to express all the feelings and details involved and we are all strangers.
But if you think I am BU, would you act the same way she does? In all of the examples I have given?

lisianthus · 30/03/2013 23:05

I can't understand in what universe this woman should NOT be dumped. So far she has-
-told mutual friends (who presumably don't speak your language) that you and your mother are in the habit of belittling other people in that language in their presence and that she had to give you a lesson in manners;

insisted on giving you a lift when you didn't want one and then drove you somewhere else entirely that wasn't any closer to your destination;
AGAIN insisted on giving you a lift over your protests, only to "delegate" the task to her husband in such a way that he thought it was acceptable to cut you dead while driving you home - not responding while you were speaking to him is horrendously rude, who the hell does he think he is?!
gives her upper class friends the idea that you are a charity case who is only in her home to collect old clothing, which was a straight lie; and
was snide about your holiday.

Now she wants to have you over so she can play "see how kind we are being to the little poor child", making it clear she is being "kind" by giving her a basket at all. THAT'S NOT KIND OP. If she had seen you as proper guests and not charity cases, your DD would have been treated the same as the other children and should have EXPECTED to have a basket. You ask "why she didn't just make a list of invitees"? She did! Your child wasn't on it, as she wasn't an "invitee" she was a public "kind gesture". Don't subject your daughter to this rubbish, and don't beat yourself up as to how to refuse politely, she sure isn't doing you a favour here.

TerraNotSoFirma · 30/03/2013 23:22

What lisianthus said, ALL of it.
You and your DD deserve better.

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