to think that having high expectations for childbirth and breast feeding contributes to PND?

[Alizzle]

just wondering as my DH seems to think so and I'm beginning to think he's right.

YANBU, I think it's very very hard to live up to.

YANBU. Or any expectation at all.

Seems those who get on the best are the ones who "muddle through"

I think other peoples expectations may have an effect. Combine that with hormones settling back to a normal state and it can be a recipe for disaster.

I agree 100%. It was def a brick wall to me. It threw me that I couldn't manage it.

YANBU, also being a perfectionist. It took me toooo long to realise that yes, the housework REALLY can wait

Yanbu

Yanbu. I would go as far as to say that we might have more pnd nowadays because women generally are more detached from child-rearing than they were and so we have an awful lot of 30 somethings who have never witnessed close up the reality of life with a newborn.

There are studies that show soldiers going into battle with no fear of being injured had a higher risk of PTSD.

I had massively unrealistic expectations of childbirth, no fear at all, and did develop PTSD after a traumatic birth.

So, YANBU.

of course it does, there is a horrid culture in the uk - i dont know why or where it comes from.

yanbu, i wish women would give each other a break and stop with the pressure and finger pointing.

i also find so much emphasis on the physical postive factors for stuff but little attention paid to the emotional side.

And what Flouncing said.

I agree because failing to breast feed or having the less then perfect childbirth experience can make woman feel inadequate, inadequate as mothers from the very start.

Dunno. I think my expectations were fairly realistic (induction followed by em-cs but bf actually worked out better than expected initially) and I still got mild pnd... That was more likely to be related to the change from a structured working day to being isolated and insecure in a role I had no training or support for.

What goldenbear said. Felt wonderful after havind water birth with DS1. Felt like the crappiest mother in the world when I couldn't bf. Had no real birth expectations but never doubted I'd bf. I have never felt such a failure. So low.

I think Yanbu at all.

Eveytime I read a thread on here about someone striving to have a drug free natural birth and asking what they can do to avoid intervention I sigh inwardly. There's nothing wrong with having ideals and researching your ideal birth. But.... birth is unpredictable. I've had two equally difficult births for completely different reasons.

With my first baby I am sure I developed severe pnd because I had quite rose tinted spectacles on with regards to birth and I was almost annoyed with myself (how ridiculous of me) that I didn't have the perfect natural birth.

I struggled with breastfeeding and gave up and felt bad about that.

With ds I managed to put all of that to rest by being kinder to myself and I opted for an elective section (which was a near disaster for different reasons but still a better experience than my first baby, a vaginal birth). And I bottle fed from birth because I wanted to. And didn't feel guilty at all.

I definitely think pnd is due to social pressures, and also tiredness. Who can sleep 2 hours at a time for weeks and not feel like utter shit?? It's awful.

Happily I made a slow but good recovery from pnd with dd but it still took me 9 years to even contemplate another baby.

YANBU in the sense that of course dealing with feelings of disappointment and failure makes it harder for any new mum, particularly one with PND or at risk of PND.

But YABnotexactlyU but more simplistic, perhaps, in the sense that PND can also be something much deeper than just disappointment, frustration or the 'I can't cope' feeling we all get.

Interesing about the PTSD studies, though, and I don't mean to say there is no link between our culture of perfectionism/you should breeze through birth etc and PND, simply that it isn't there can be more to PND than this.

Yanbu. I would go as far as to say that we might have more pnd nowadays because women generally are more detached from child-rearing than they were and so we have an awful lot of 30 somethings who have never witnessed close up the reality of life with a newborn.

This as well.

To be fair, the OP said 'contributes to PND', not just 'causes'.

I think you're right. I had very low expectations of the whole thing and basically anticipated that the baby stage would be something I had to get through in order to acquire a small child. As it turned out, all my friends who were actually keen on babies etc, ended up finding the first few months rather stressful, while I was the most nauseatingly blissed-out new mother imaginable.

Yanbu. I beat myself up for not having the birth I had wanted, not feeding how I wanted, my sons weight being too high, too low, house not being perfect, not doing enough playing with/reading to/singing to my tiny new born. Felt guilty and inadequate all the time.
Still feel guilty and inadequate everyday, 14 months on, I spend time after my son has gone to bed trying to work out how good I've been as a parent during the day and wonderin if my son enjoyed his day.
and I wouldn't consider myself to have pnd, and was never diagnosed I just think mothers are under an enormous amount of pressure to be 'perfect'!

I agree and think it goes even deeper; difficulty in adapting to the change in lifestyle. I was besotted with my first baby but hated my new lifestyle - lost any sense of what I should be and how I should be doing it. I was so overwhelmed with the responsibility.

OP. Is he saying you have PND or is he worried your expectations may cause you to get it post birth? Are you OK?

YANBU. I was prepared for a painful labour, but it was still off the scale and just dreadful. And breast feeding was so much more emotional. It's the lack of sleep and the emotions that make it difficult to rationalise with yourself.

sorry. It was entirely me speaking about my own experience. I wanted a vaginal birth, as all the women in my family had and was a bit disappointed to have had a emcs as in the literature I had read and on other boards vag was 'proper'. I now know that's not the case but the initial disappointment affected my bond with my son, I felt I hadn't tried enough to push him out. I found out after from my DH that the mw's were telling me he was coming down when infact he wasn't and he was stuck.
erm, bit long winded but I think that if I hadn't had the expectation that 'most people do it this way' I'd have had a much more pleasant first few weeks.

There is also a link (can't find the research but remember reading a study about it) that stopping/"failing" breastfeeding brings about a change of hormones - which makes you massively more likely to have PND.

... and some have likened it to the body "grieving" for your child - which biologically it thinks must have died as you are not breastfeeding it..