Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to want to put my photos on Facebook

124 replies

mamateur · 21/02/2013 09:35

We got married at the weekend . I had a good friend visit from the US with her daughter. Her DD was massively excited about the wedding and wanted to be a flower girl. It was an informal wedding but of course I said she could, got her a lovely posy etc and she came into the register office holding my hand etc. My friend has said categorically that she doesn't want any photos of her DD on FB. At the time of this conversation I didn't say anything, her DD her choice. THey went back yesterday and our wedding photos have arrived, and it has dawned on me that her DD is in every shot. I have put our photos on FB because I have lots of friends in different countries which is why I use it, but now I'm worried she'll be upset.

OP posts:

ifancyashandy · 21/02/2013 09:38

Err... call / email your friend first to discuss? Crop the photos?

catgirl1976 · 21/02/2013 09:40

Agree, crop the photos if you can

She might have a really good reason for not wanting her DD on FB. It's a shame she didn't tell you before and you could have left her out of some so you could put ones on facebook without her in them

CajaDeLaMemoria · 21/02/2013 09:40

She may have a very good reason for photos not being put on Facebook - or it might just be a preference that she may waver on. You won't know unless you ask her.

Cropping her DD out or pixelating her DD's face might be an option, and if done well it might not be too noticeable in the photos...

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2013 09:43

It's easy enough to blur her face.

LeeCoakley · 21/02/2013 09:43

Well you've done it now! The time to think is before you take any action not after. Of course she'll be upset, she wouldn't have said anything if she was ok with it.

Original poster

mamateur · 21/02/2013 09:43

Cropping is impossible. She is standing in front of us in all our wedding pics. I will of course discuss it with her (she won't be home yet) but I have put the pics on Facebook (friends only).

She is adamant that her DD is entitled to privacy until she is 18 and can decide for herself. When we discussed it (as a general conversation) we were taking photos of the kids in the bath. Now obviously I would never put bath photos anywhere, but I'm really hoping the wedding photos are different.

OP posts:

perplexedpirate · 21/02/2013 09:44

I just got an editing app them at you can delete and chop with. Photoshop can do this really easily too.
Bit time consuming, but dead easy.

cecilycardew · 21/02/2013 09:45

Well it's your wedding so your choice to some extent too.
I think you need to have another conversation with her and understand her reasons

hattymattie · 21/02/2013 09:45

Agree - crop - although I reckon her DD will have put her own photo's on FB long before she is 18.

julz09 · 21/02/2013 09:45

I have seen photos on peoples pages where a face has been blurred so that an individual could not be identified, maybe you could do that (i dont know how to do it) I agree with op you have to tell the friend whos dd is in the photos. I would be really angry if i had asked a friend not to put photos of ds on fb then she did it. Could you maybe email the photos instead maybe a nice photo album and email to friends via smilebox.com?

Bejeena · 21/02/2013 09:47

I don't think you have been UR

If she doesn't want her DD on facebook pictures then she should keep her locked up.

I mean it isn't as if you are solely posting photos of her DD are you?

I agree I don't want many pics of my kids on facebook either but wedding pictures are different.

Also even though the photos are of your wedding it is still the photographer who owns the rights s/he could post them anywhere. In fact anyone could take a picture of her DD and post it on facebook.

What exactly is her reasoning behind this?

nkf · 21/02/2013 09:47

So you did it anyway?

imnotmymum · 21/02/2013 09:48

So you have put them up already...

perplexedpirate · 21/02/2013 09:51

Oh, you've done it anyway.
Wow, nice friend you are.

Flisspaps · 21/02/2013 09:51

I think if she's said not to put pictures of her DD on Facebook - for ANY reason - and you've done it anyway, YABVU and I expect she'll go berserk when she finds out.

anniroc · 21/02/2013 09:52

Take the pics off Facebook. She has every right to request that her DD is not on there. Nice to have some control while you can. Sorry, but you will have to take them off, crop them and put them back on again.

DontmindifIdo · 21/02/2013 09:54

I never understand how anyone who takes their DCs to events thinks they can enforce this sort of 'no photos on facebook' rule - i mean, some of your other guests will have taken photos her DD are in if she's allowed her to be a flower girl, so of course they will put up their photos too without checking with her. Events like weddings always involve the people attending being photographed, and these days, that normally includes going on facebook. It would be as unreasonable for her to say "oh, I don't want my DD's photo in your wedding album being shown to anyone I've not pre-approved".

It doesn't work that way, if she doesn't want her DD to appear in photos on facebook then it's her responsibility to remove her DD from being photographed, if that means she can't take her DD to social functions like weddings or baptisms etc then so be it - it's not the responsibilty of other people to edit /restrict the publication of their own photos she happily let her DD pose for. She gave up the right to control her DD's image when she let her DD pose for photos taken and therefore owned by someone else.

There's too many threads on here at the moment where someone thinks their preferences should impact on other people's behaviour, not primarily on their own.

Post them.

lovethesun1 · 21/02/2013 09:55

Whatever her reasons, she had told you and you still went ahead and did it. I would be livid. Agree with others-find a way to blur/share via a private site but until you have got her express permission,I would take them down.

Original poster

mamateur · 21/02/2013 09:56

I did it on their last day. She saw all the photos when they arrived from the photographer.

We actually had quite a long conversation about it at the time, and I tried to understand her reasons about privacy (remember we were talking about bath photos which of course I would never publish). I have pics of DS on fb, not ad nauseum but quite a few. Restricted to friends only. She (rightly) says they will be on the internet forever. But her DD is not tagged or named in any way and not even in her own country, so I'm not sure it's the same. I will have to speak to her later. If she asks me to take them down I will have to, but I'll feel a bit cross not to be able to share them with rellies etc. in other countries. She asked to be a flower girl!

OP posts:

Sallyingforth · 21/02/2013 09:59

If the child's mother was on MN you may be sure she would be posting here about some selfish entitled cow who published the pictures against her wishes. And she would be right.
You are beyond unreasonable. Take them down at once.

MrsReiver · 21/02/2013 10:00

If she doesn't want her DD on facebook pictures then she should keep her locked up.

I'm sorry WHAT??

I don't want pictures of my DS on facebook, so that mean I should keep him behind locked doors?

I think YABVU to just put the pictures up without speaking to her, even if you take them down now the damage is done. If I was your friend, and you'd put pictures of my DS on facebook despite my specifically asking you not to I would be livid.

Original poster

mamateur · 21/02/2013 10:00

I did it without thinking, now I'm considering what to do. Enough of the 'nice friend ' line - I bought their flights over here. I am a very nice friend. I only know for sure that she didn't want photos of her DD stuck on FB willy nilly. But I agree that if she didn't want her DD in any photos, she shouldn't have allowed her to be in wedding photos which, even if not put on fb would be sent around and would definitely end up on the internet in some form.

OP posts:

Original poster

mamateur · 21/02/2013 10:01

Even if you take them down now, the damage is done.

Er, why?

OP posts:

imnotmymum · 21/02/2013 10:01

God I hate FB can you not make a disc, album... or email to relatives. There is life beyond facebook for sharing life events.

MrsReiver · 21/02/2013 10:03

Because you expressly went against her wishes.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5