to want to put my photos on Facebook

[mamateur]

We got married at the weekend . I had a good friend visit from the US with her daughter. Her DD was massively excited about the wedding and wanted to be a flower girl. It was an informal wedding but of course I said she could, got her a lovely posy etc and she came into the register office holding my hand etc. My friend has said categorically that she doesn't want any photos of her DD on FB. At the time of this conversation I didn't say anything, her DD her choice. THey went back yesterday and our wedding photos have arrived, and it has dawned on me that her DD is in every shot. I have put our photos on FB because I have lots of friends in different countries which is why I use it, but now I'm worried she'll be upset.

Photoshop a donkeys head on to her body. Would make looking at other people's wedding pics slightly more amusing. Or is that just me?

Stuntgirl and everyone else: don't you think op's friend should NOT have allowed her dd to play a central role in the wedding and appear in all the photographs if she was then going to veto op putting photos of her own wedding up on her facebook?

If it breaks privacy laws concerning a child that is under 13, fb can remove the pictures without tagging being involved. Children under 13 aren't allowed a fb account so can't be tagged which would make fbs ability to remove the

Actually think she is being unreasonable - it was your wedding and it's your facebook account. She should have made sure that her dd was only in a couple of the shots which you could then have left out - however although you might not have been thinking about ti at the time, you could easily have made sure that happened as well - it's not something you should have to worry about on your wedding day but your friend was quite clear before her dd was an informal bridesmaid. I don't really get what peoples' problem is with facebook photos - it's no different to a school publishing photos of a child or a birthday party - is she going to be one of those mothers who attends every event and say to people "you can't put those pictures in facebook" but then happily allow her dd to appear in EVERY SINGLE SHOT!!!!!

I'm surprised the OP is getting such a bashing here.

I can't bear the attitude some parents have over school plays etc - when people refuse to accept that child protection issues overide their need to splash photos all over facebook, and think that children should be excluded from a play simply to allow for photos.

But I think that a wedding is a private event, of which photos are generally an integral part. I cannot see that it is remotely reasonable to ask for your child to have a key roll in the wedding, allow them to be in the forefront of all the formal shots, and then refuse to allow the couple to do what they like with their own photos of their own wedding.

If there is a CP issue then she should have done one of two things:

1. Not asked for her DD to be a flower girl
2. Made sure her DD wasn't in every photo, thus creating an issue over the entire wedding album.

I don't get the impression this is a CP issue, however, or that the discussion about photos related to the wedding photos, rather than being a general discussion about her stance re: photos on Facebook. If it had been specifically about the wedding photos, I can't imagine the matter wouldn't have been fully thrashed out when it arose, and the OP would then not be asking for advice.

I can't imagine the conversation went:

OP: Oh look, lovely photos.
Friend: You can't put ANY of those on Facebook because DD is in them.
OP: Oh. Right.

This was the OP's wedding. If the friend asked for her DD to be a flower girl and allowed her to be in every photo while always having the intention of dictating to the OP what she can and can't do with her wedding photos then, to be quite frank, the friend is a bit of a cow who has knowingly created a drama over her friend's wedding.

(Whoops) remove the pictures moot. If its anonymous surely they will have to err on the side of caution and remove them?

Oops. Started posting, got distracted and then it was all resolved by the time I hit post.

Friend clearly not a cow!

Flouncing
Totally agree - her friend would have BVU especially as OP paid for her flights from US to attend her wedding.
Friend's DD would have been most unhappy about being blotted out of the photos .

This is just crazy. I don't like putting photos on my Facebook and I don't like seeing photos of my kids on there that relatives have put on. Your friend was very unreasonable if she basically volunteered her daughter into a starring role at your wedding and then thought she could veto them being put on FB. Fair enough if she was in just a few shots that you could choose to hold back and send to her privately by email but as a flower girl???

You were wrong not to have a proper conversation about this before hand but there has obviously been some sort of misunderstanding. It should have gone:

Friend: I would love my daughter to act as an unofficial flowergirl at your wedding would that be OK?

You: Of course, that would be lovely I am sure she will look delightful

Friend: I don't want any photos of her to appear on Facebook though

You: oh dear, well that's just totally impractical isn't it? She can have a few special photos with me and the groom that we can send you separately but she can't pretend to be a flower-girl/attendant - you do understand don't you?

Friend: That's fine, I understant OR another reaction that would reveal her to be completely irrational and barely warranting an invite to your wedding AT ALL!

Not a clue hope but they must have some way of judging the situation without tagging since you can't tag a child under 13 but you can request to have a child under 13's picture removed.

Would you be quite so if you hadn't got your own way, op? Why on earth didn't you just talk to your friend before posting on here?
Whatever she ultimately agreed to, you were still wrong to upload the photos before you spoke to her.

Yes, you're right Flogging I should have sent a carrier pigeon up 30 thousand feet to fly alongside the jumbo jet with a placard in its little beak! I contacted her immediately and was prepared to take those photos down if it turned out she was upset about it. Sorry if I'm a bit for your liking, I just had a really lovely wedding day.

You are coming across quite badly now OP, you could have waited, knowing you friends concerns, until you had asked her, but you chose not to.

Most people would assume that someone who had only got married at the weekend would be more preoccupied in spending time with their new husband than posting photos on Facebook, so wouldn't have been surprised if photos didn't appear immediately.

In fact I would have been more surprised that the photos did appear quickly, I wasn't thinking about my wedding photos on my honeymoon!

It worked out in this instance but you obviuosly weren't convinced it would or you won't have posted on here in the first place.

I don't think you need to sound quite as smug and sarcastic as you do in your later posts

I would blur her out and not give it a second thought.

just read up and no need for blurring. Need to keep up.

Come and report back please hope I'm curious now too but can only get on the crappy mobile version of their help pages!

I would have thought that if the photo is not tagged and the album or whatever is set to friends only, then the photo is private. Unless someone drags it onto their desktop and email it elsewhere. Then who knows.

Talked, discussed, resolved

No, you did, gave her no choice, talked, discussed, resolved.

I don't think yabu - it's your wedding of course you want to share pics! If friend felt so strongly she shouldnt have allowed dd to be a flower girl or be in the pics. How can she restrict who you show your wedding photos to - its not all about her dd! She will bu if she makes a fuss about it (only read the 1st page so dont know if you said she has reacted to it or not)

Differentname
Op sounds lovely and nowhere has she given her friend no choice. She has said severely times she would take them down if friend asked. Nowhere has she run roughshod over her feelings.
What sort of friend would volunteer their child as bridesmaid, accept free flights, then try and dictate what a bride can do with her own wedding photos.
you seem to think that behaviour is acceptable but op who contacted her friend when she realised there have been a problem was somehow being selfish and mean to her friend.
Thankfully ops friend wasn't like that and was ok about the photos and sounds like a proper friend.

you agreed. so don't do it. not everything has to go on FB.