Gaps of 4+ years between dc? Do they get on?

[Thelittlevoiceinmyhead]

I found my baby difficult and now he is 19 months I am now only starting to enjoy him.

I blame it on hormones as feeling better and mentally balanced coincided with my periods recently coming back. I felt anxious, tense and couldn't let little things go as I would obsess about them which also created marriage problems.

I also had terrible insomnia for a year which only went away when I went back to work.

I didnt talk to anyone about it as I thought they would suggest ADs which I would not want to take, so I just went back to work earlier than planned and struggled on hoping things would improve which fortunately they did.

Looking back now I should have asked for help as I think having people to talk to would have been helpful, but I was very irrational at the time as well.

Anyway I was talking to a friend and she asked if we were planning on having another dc soon. She has just had her second with a 2 year gap. I said that I would wait until DS was at school or at least fulltime nursery school so that it wouldnt effect his life so much as he would be more independent with his own interests and friends. I wouldnt want my stressed out moods to effect him if he was younger and more reliant on me.

She was quite persistent in discouraging me from this as she said research had found 4+ year gaps meant that the children did not play together and caused sibling rivalry issues more. She also said I might become infertile as Ill be older (im 32 now).

Most people I know have small gaps (I cant think of any gaps bigger than 2.5 actually, except for those who only having the one child or in the case of a second marriage/relationship.)

It seems that people like small gaps these days, I can can remember when I was a child myself people had bigger gaps between dc.

Please tell me iabu and if you have any good (or bad) experience with this.

There is a 5 year gap between my brother and Me. I have great memories, perhaps a few snidely comments from BB but there was never any conflict. I grew up to be a bit of softie, whereas my 2 DDs are tougher as they are close in age and its feet and fists a go go! Wwf, watch out! You go with what suits you, lovely lady and to heck with everything. There ain't no wrong and right when it comes to babies!x

4 years between my two. Works really well and dd1 started school when dd2 was a baby. Had loads of time for both in their toddler years, as a result. Dd1 will be of an age to bbysit in a few years so that works too. FWIW, I get on best, as an adult with my ds who is 10 years younger.

I have 4 year gaps between my 3 DC's but not through choice. There are lots of advantages but also a few obvious disadvantages-one main one for us was that when the youngest was 4 the oldest was 12 we found it quite difficult to go as a family to the cinema/some outings as their interests were totally different. But now at 26/22/18 they all get on pretty well.

Hello Doha! I lived in doha in the 80s. I don't suppose you lived,on the ESD estate there? Understand if you don' t want to give info. I go scuttling under the table if someone mentions Facebook! Privacy is everything. How the Jehovah can I add the smiley faces? For pity ' s sake I want to brandish a glass of wind!

I've only read one book that actually recommended an age and the psychologist said 3 years. Apparently 3 years allows the elder child to have a 'complete babyhood'. I have a 5 and 7 year gap. They all get on like a dream mostly and play well together but I'm sure it's just down to their individual personality's. They are each others biggest fans.

I agree secondary infertility is more common then expected and very real. If you are 32 now, it would be a good idea to start trying at 33 just in case you have difficulties. You will be entitled to a free play group space for 5 sessions a week from 3 years anyway which will give you some time alone with baby while your 3 has his own part time nursery life whilst also being home with you still.

I have 4 years and 2 months between my children, not through choice. I would have liked a 2 year gap. They can't really play together as they're 1 and 5. They do potter around together though and DS follows dd around a lot. Dd didnt start school until DS was 8 months, so she had loads of time with him at home and now DS gets my full attention during the day when dd is at school. Although not planned, I think a 4 year gap worked out better for us.

Also AD's aren't always prescribed. You can request CBT and no drugs.

Just reared your post. I think it's more important to have a gap that will help you cope. Having two little ones of similar age is a bit like having two lively puppies. Bit of a handful and probably a recipe for PND. Space them out and it is easier.