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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I should see this as the first warning sign in our relationship?

127 replies

MackleMore · 19/02/2013 23:03

I have been dating someone for just over a month, so obviously not been together long, but all going great and we have already said I love you etc.

I was bored tonight and on Facebook and starting browsing through his photos. When I saw a photo of his family - he only mentioned his brother and father to me and there was another man and woman in the photo (both tagged with the same surname as bf)

I clicked on the mans and realised it was bf's older brother and the woman is his SIL - again not friends on facebook. The odd part is they are not friends on facebook - even though they clearly were 2 years ago.

This couple have children, two girls who are his nieces and so he has clearly cut off contact with them too.

I know facebook isn't everything and you delete people all the time - but to delete a sibling?

I don't know whether to find this odd.

OP posts:
LeaveTheBastid · 19/02/2013 23:05

Not odd at all Confused you've no idea what has gone on between them. So you can either ask him, or wait for him to tell you.

heyannie · 19/02/2013 23:06

Maybe it's a cousin?

Softlysoftly · 19/02/2013 23:07

Snooping always ends badly just ask him.

Also "I love you" in a month and passed off as "etc" those words are far too cheap these days.

WafflyVersatile · 19/02/2013 23:07

How can you tell they were friends on fb two years ago?

LeaveTheBastid · 19/02/2013 23:07

Also, maybe the sibling deleted your boyfriend. Would that make a difference?

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 19/02/2013 23:07

Why would it be odd?

Original poster
MackleMore · 19/02/2013 23:08

How can you tell they were friends on fb two years ago?

Because he uploaded the photo himself of them all and they were tagged in it.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 19/02/2013 23:09

Just ask him! Could be a cousin or anything. Could be they left facebook.

ThreeWheelsGood · 19/02/2013 23:12

How do you know it's his brother?

I wouldn't call this a warning sign, you're jumping to conclusions. Unless you are looking/hoping for a warning sign, in which case reconsider your relationship!

ThreeWheelsGood · 19/02/2013 23:14

Also someone who is friends with both of them could have done the tagging. It doesn't mean they were ever Facebook friends.

squeakytoy · 19/02/2013 23:15

Wow, that is certainly jumping to a lot of ridiculous conclusions!!

LeaveTheBastid · 19/02/2013 23:17

Tbh, you sound like the first warning sign. Not facebook crap.

What on earth would be the issue anyway? That he dared to have issues with family members to the extent that they were no long facebook friends? That he didn't tell you his life story before he said I love you?

Original poster
MackleMore · 19/02/2013 23:18

I think to cut family out of your life is a big thing.

OP posts:
Sparklyboots · 19/02/2013 23:19

Could be a cousin or uncle etc... I have been befriended by cousins and Aunt for telling them to fuck off after making sexist jokes. I think it's blown over now - they didn't say owt at Christmas - but no-one' s bothered enough about FB to refriend, basically. And my DF has recently disowned me, though he's not on FB to defriend me, because I asked him not to get drunk around my 2 yo (he's an alcoholic). So (1) you don't know who defriended whom (2) whether it actually means anything and (3) whether you would actually support the decision to cut ties. Possibly a bit early to be writing him off.

squeakytoy · 19/02/2013 23:19

well I am sure it is, but you dont have any proof whatsoever that this is the case here... if I were your boyfriend I would be running a mile in the opposite direction if I read this..

hiddenhome · 19/02/2013 23:24

'I think to cut family out of your life is a big thing.'

Yes, it is, and people generally only do it for extremely personal reasons and not without carefully examining those reasons.

You clearly know very little about this man and I feel sorry that you're judging him like this Sad

montmartre · 19/02/2013 23:25

Maybe one of them has been found guilty of sexual offences against a child?
You have no idea why he's cut them out- there could be dozens of reasons, all of them healthy, sensible reasons for him to have done that. Perhaps it was them who cut him out?

lisianthus · 19/02/2013 23:26

Cutting ties is often an excellent decision and a sign of good mental health in the face of toxic behaviour.

Flojobunny · 19/02/2013 23:27

I'd take the fact he told you he loved you after just 1 month as a warning sign. He obviously uses the word so easily. I'd be worried about that. Not some nonsense on fb.

maddening · 19/02/2013 23:27

Maybe they deleted their accounts?

LeaveTheBastid · 19/02/2013 23:27

As I asked above, what if your boyfriend wasn't the one who chose to cut the family from his life, if this is what has happened? What if his brother/cousin/whatever cut your boyfriend out? Would it be different then, or would you still judge him?

squeakytoy · 19/02/2013 23:28

maybe THEY cut HIM out....

LoopDeLoops · 19/02/2013 23:28

Crikey, you sound hard work.

Binkyridesagain · 19/02/2013 23:29

You're judging him based on nothing. Great relationship, keep it up!

wannabedomesticgoddess · 19/02/2013 23:29

I have cut out members of my family.

I am perfectly capable of having a normal, non abusive, relationship.

If this man truely loved you he would already have told you about this part of his life. But I expect that after only a month he feels it too soon.