to think I should see this as the first warning sign in our relationship?

[MackleMore]

I have been dating someone for just over a month, so obviously not been together long, but all going great and we have already said I love you etc.

I was bored tonight and on Facebook and starting browsing through his photos. When I saw a photo of his family - he only mentioned his brother and father to me and there was another man and woman in the photo (both tagged with the same surname as bf)

I clicked on the mans and realised it was bf's older brother and the woman is his SIL - again not friends on facebook. The odd part is they are not friends on facebook - even though they clearly were 2 years ago.

This couple have children, two girls who are his nieces and so he has clearly cut off contact with them too.

I know facebook isn't everything and you delete people all the time - but to delete a sibling?

I don't know whether to find this odd.

[craftynclothy]

It's facebook. There's loads of reasons why they might not be friends on there. I deleted FIL because it was like having a stalker. He 'liked' every single comment I made or picture I put on and would comment on every little thing. I also thought he was storing stuff up to comment on. So I'd maybe say I'd baked with the kids and made say cakes & biscuits and when Dh would phone he'd say that he hoped the kids hadn't been allowed to eat them all because it's not very healthy. Dh would then explain they were for the cake sale at school but it made me feel I had to be careful what I put on there so it was easier to delete him and BIL/SIL.

[Buzzardbird]

Perhaps his brother and wife live in the attic, sitting in rocking chairs and never mentioned? .

Or, his brother closed his fb account like loads of people do because its invasive and a bit shit?
seriously, just ask him. People have forgotten how to use speech these days with all this typing

[Branleuse]

none of your business. I have cut off my brother, and my lovely cousin who im still close to deleted me from facebook because shes weird about facebook, not about me.

Hope my bf doesnt think its a red flag

[StillSeekingSpike]

Althoiugh if I'd been dating someone a month and they said 'I've checked your FB photos and there is a man with the same name as you who I assule is your brother with his wife, and therefore also your two nieces and I wonder why you are no longer FB friends with them even though you were 2 years ago as it's a huge deal to cut out members of your family...?'- I'd run a fking mile

[goingupinfumes]

I'm married to a man who doesn't talk to brothers, sisters, uncles, aunties it happens it's his choice his life and his family, it's all for very good reasons which I stay out of, having only ever heard his side of the story, not sure why that makes a blind bit of difference to the person you love?

[mmmuffins]

YABU OP

You are really jumping to conclusions. But even if your boyfriend has cut ties with his sibling, you have only been dating a month, so perhaps he hasn't shared all his major emotional trials with you just yet

You sound like you are getting a bit intense about this relationship already - it has only been a few weeks!

[HollyBerryBush]

I dont understand the 'tag' thing - I have dead people tagged in my photos - they've never been on FB (on acount of them being dead). Perhaps his brother doesnt have FB?Perhaps the whole family were wiped in a tragic accident?

A whole lot of perhaps.

Mind you - have you met any of his family yet?

[TheFallenNinja]

If I was him I would see this as a warning sign about you.

Far too much snooping.

[EnjoyResponsibly]

Reason 964 to leave Facebook.

Thanks OP ya weird snoopy nutter

[Megatron]

I really don't understand why anyone would use photos on facebook as a relationship marker. Unless he was stark stonking naked with his arms round a couple of donkeys in which case I may have a couple of questions.

Why don't you just ask him?

[MunchMunch]

I think the op is unfairly being called "stalker" because she's looking at her new bf's profile. So she INBU to have a look and be curious about the family dynamics but she WBU if she has logged into his account and snooping through his messages. She is also BU to think that because he hasn't mention and isn't fb friends with older db that its a warning sign.

OP, just ask him.

[LessMissAbs]

Has no-one so far commented to you that searching in this amount of detail through a new boyfriend's Facebook might be seen as a little obsessive or bunny boilerish, OP? I mean, who really cares that much? If I had a new boyfriend that had done that, I'd think him odd, and would be looking out for any futher signs of oddness, and think about ending it.

What will you do if, God forbid, you see him having a small disagreement with another family member in your presence? How strict are you?

[NopeStillNothing]

Ok, lets say you are correct. Dp has cut out his brothers family from his life as recently as the last two years.

And!?

I really don't see how this is a 'warning sign'
Yes, in your position I would be very intrigued and dying to ask him ( although I'd probably wait for him to tell me) but you have known him A MONTH. There is going to be lots of things you haven't found out about him yet. Fwiw, I have completely cut my own brother out of my life. It is not something I discuss with people openly but it is certainly not some big dirty secret. It is really not that unusual, some people do think blood is overrated and unless you have experienced a toxic relationship with somebody, you really can't comment.

On a side note, in my situation, I have not cut out my nieces and nephews. I still send presents etc. Via my parents. Maybe he does the same.

[LessMissAbs]

Oh I see that they have

[KellyElly]

I've cut my mum out of my life but would not be prepared to discuss these reasons with someone I barely knew after dating for one month. I don't understand why you think it's a warning sign. You have no idea what went on. People don't divulge their entire past history to someone they've been seeing for five minutes and if they did THAT would be more of a warning sign. You sound very insecure and someone who doesn't have a clear idea of boundries in a relationship.

[PatienceALittleThin]

I've unfriended my brother on Facebook. Can't be doing with the gazillions of football updates. My daughter unfriends me every 5 minutes time I tell her off for something. It means nothing.

YABU and exhibiting warning sign behaviour.

[YouOldSlag]

The biggest alarm bell OP, is that you can't ask your boyfriend (whom you claim to love) these questions yourself.

[MarilynValentine]

I think you should end the relationship. You can't ask him about it without admitting you were snooping and being judgemental. It all seems a bit broken already.

Snooping and I love you and snap judgements, all within the space of a month - do both of you a favour and move on, I reckon.

Oh and your reaction to squeakytoy really shows you in a bad light.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

I think that the biggest red flag is snooping on someone after only a month.

[Naysa]

I wouldn't jump to conclusions.

I have defriended family for a variety of reasons.

Sending me game requests, "10000 likes and this girl gets a new liver" pictures, typing in text speak ect.

My DP doesn't have his sister on Facebook. They speak often. They just haven't added each other. Hardly a red flag. They have pics of them together that have both of them tagged by mutual friends/family, I'd hardly say it was a red flag.

I must admit though, I love a good Facebook snoop. Any new person I meet will be snooped and secretly judged where applicable but that's part of human nature I think trying to justify stalkerish tendencies

[AgentZigzag]

How is having a look through someones fb photos snooping BBJ?

It implies she's being a bit sly about it.

[TheBigJessie]

BuzzardBird
Or, his brother closed his fb account like loads of people do because its invasive and a bit shit?

Repeating this, because it's so accurate.

[SoleSource]

Lol Squeaky.


OP you are ignorant of the facts. I think he is better off without you!

[HelenMumsnet]

This thread will shortly go pfft.