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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to leave my 5 week old??

69 replies

wifey6 · 19/02/2013 10:13

I am currently 21 weeks pregnancy with DS2 & my whole family has booked a day out 4+ hours drive from home at a theme park when my DS2 will be approx 5 weeks old. My DH will have our DS who will be 3 & our 5 week old to care for from early hours til late the day we go. I do not doubt his capability but I really do not want to go & leave my DS2 5 weeks after having him. My DSis has made it clear I ABU but I do not think I am. Am I being a bit precious about leaving my baby?

OP posts:
FastFoodNational · 19/02/2013 10:17

Not at all. I'm assuming you won't be breastfeeding but even so ... my DD is 11 weeks and the longest I've left her is about 2.5 hours. I would not enjoy myself having a day out away from her (not that I could go anyway due to BFing).

hellsbellsmelons · 19/02/2013 10:17

Of course not. You may find at the time that you need a break away from your baby but you cannot possibly know that right now.
Also, if you are BF then it would be very hard to leave baby for a long period of time.
You are an adult, when the time comes, if you don't want to go, then don't go. Could your husband go in your place?

BlueberryHill · 19/02/2013 10:19

Does your sister have children, if not, she may not understand what she is asking.

YANBU, I wouldn't go at that time and would be really cross at being pressurised into going. Where are they going, can you say?

Bejeena · 19/02/2013 10:19

A week old will have no benefit or fun from a trip to the theme park, in fact it'll probably just be cruel leaving him cooped up in the pram all day.

Better solution is DS1 goes to theme park with his Dad & the others and you stay home with baby.

Meow75isknittinglikemad · 19/02/2013 10:20

5 weeks?!?!

How terribly insensitive of your "family", and that's from someone who's child free and often considered to be ignorant of all matters parent related.

Stay at home, with your family, and tell your relatives to bugger off. What if you end up, although I sincerely hope not, an EMCS. That will decide for you.

Dillydollydaydream · 19/02/2013 10:21

What if you end up with a c section? You might not feel up to walking around a theme park all day, and the ride harnesses too. Ouch!

Original poster
wifey6 · 19/02/2013 10:26

Thank you all...my sisters were really making me feel like I was being really silly & precious about my decision to stay with my newborn. Even though it feels natural & right for me to be with him, especially at 5 weeks.
I hope to BF & express so DH can help also as he enjoyed bonding & feeding our DS1.
Yes both sisters have children, as young as 4 months, which is why I'm being made to feel so silly as she leaves her baby quite a bit for different things & her DP watches their DS.
My DH said I shouldn't be pressurised, especially as it will be 4-5 weeks after giving birth.

OP posts:
getoffthecoffeetable · 19/02/2013 10:27

I can't understand why on earth they would think this is something you'd want to do. Even if you were prepared to leave your new baby (and there's no way I would've done at that age) it's way too far to travel and you'll be slap bang in the middle of sleep deprivation time. I'd tell them to count you out this time. Is the outing for a special occasion? Can you just tell them you'll go out to dinner instead (at a child friendly place).

WillYouDoTheFandango · 19/02/2013 10:28

I didn't have a csection and wouldn't have been up to that. Besides anything else I also imagine you wouldn't be recommended to Go on any rides 5 weeks post birth as you won't have had your check/ finished bleeding etc. Your sister is BU, just tell her no.

ThisLittleMonster · 19/02/2013 10:29

I certainly would not go. Bf would be a good reason, but not the only reason. You don't want to, and that is good enough. I would make it clear now that you can't commit to going because it is too close your due date, you have no way of knowing how the birth will go and even so, the baby will be too young to leave. Wish them a nice time. Don't apologise to or discuss it further with your sister if she doesn't understand that, just smile and wish her a lovely day. The longer you leave it to make yourself clear, the harder it will be all round.

If in facty ou do feel up to going on the day, you are an adult and can do so. But certainly don't tell them if this could be a possibility because you will likely disappoint them again.

I left my DD with DH at 12weeks for 5/6 hours for a big family day out. I hated it, I felt bereft, my boobs were close to exploding and I cried all the way as I bombed it home. She was fine, but I wasn't!

PeerieMootsMum · 19/02/2013 10:29

YADNBU. 5 weeks after having DS I couldn't have physically handled one 4 hour trip sitting in a car, let alone two plus standing around all day or god forbid going on a ride. It was a pretty straight forward birth as well but took a while for bruising to go.

As for actually leaving him for a full day at that time - I'd have laughed in their faces!

HollyBerryBush · 19/02/2013 10:30

Do what you feel is right for you and your family.

traipsing round anywhere post partum bleeding would be a no no for me.

Original poster
wifey6 · 19/02/2013 10:31

Thank you all, have really helped confirm my own instincts and feelings.
It's not a special occasion, just something they decided would be 'fun'.
I did have quite bad post-birth bleeding & was very limited for a while as to where I went & did.
Seeing all your responses, it's making me realise how selfish they are being by expecting me to do this so soon after DS2 birth.

OP posts:
jellybeans · 19/02/2013 10:32

YANBU I would decline.

neolara · 19/02/2013 10:32

IMO it's completely ridiculous to even consider going. Just say no. To be honest, unless it's a theme park for really little children, even your 3 year old may not have a great time.

Emilythornesbff · 19/02/2013 10:33

YANBU.
Do you want to go?
Probs none of my beeswax but why a theme park? So far away? Your ds not going?
We're all different aren't we. I wouldn't want to do that, others would dock. Personal choice.
Wha happens if u don't go?

13Iggis · 19/02/2013 10:35

You would need to bring a breastpump (or hand express) with you to relieve swollen breasts and also to keep your supply up at that early stage, does your family realise that?

Original poster
wifey6 · 19/02/2013 10:36

They make me feel so stupid if I say no to anything or they pull me up on being too precious if I say I don't want to leave my DS1 & now I don't want to leave my DS2. I am not precious at all. It's as though they don't respect I'm a married mum of 2.
I have drafted a text (as will get talked over if I call) to send to decline.

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 19/02/2013 10:37

Blimey no all that standing around, & that's IF you are on time with your EDD you could be only 3 or 4 weeks postnatal. Shock

Tell them it's not about leavingbaby (although it is as well) but more that you can't face the thought of the trek & the whole schlepping around bit so soon after the birth.

They can go ahead & have a good time & tell you all about it, and you can go again when the DC are a bit older.

Arithmeticulous · 19/02/2013 10:38

You are going to be leaking milk and blood and be absolutely knackered. None of which are really going to enhance a day out at Alton Towers (or wherever).

Why do you have to go? Way does it have to be then?

Pascha · 19/02/2013 10:38

DS2 is 6 weeks old now and we're still very sleep deprived. I wouldn't go and I would be firm about it. DH is right, you shouldn't feel pressurised.

Original poster
wifey6 · 19/02/2013 10:40

No I don't want to go, it's not my idea of fun anyway, & the thought of leaving my newborn DS2 all day makes me feel quite panicky. No, my DS1 will be 3 & will not be going to the theme park. Confused
I have told them I hope to BF & they said I can express before I leave...but don't think they realise it's required more than once a day. My DM is being fantastic & has already told me she backs my decision to not go as she knows I will have a terrible time being so far away at 4-5 weeks after birth. The more I say it, the worse it sounds Confused

OP posts:
Meow75isknittinglikemad · 19/02/2013 10:41

Can I remind you that NO is a complete sentence.

You don't have to justify yourself to them - you are a grown-up. Tell them no thank you.

Original poster
wifey6 · 19/02/2013 10:43

I need to say no, stay firm & not let them bully me. Because I won't back down or change my mind on this.

OP posts:
MajaBiene · 19/02/2013 10:44

So you will be sore, bleeding, engorged with milk, leaking everywhere and missing your baby - yep, theme park sounds fun!

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