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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that family feuds should be put to one side for a few hours!!!

59 replies

M0naLisa · 18/02/2013 21:37

We have booked DS3 Christening today for in 5months time.

I messaged family members to let them know the date and time.

My eldest cousin text me saying she is declining the invite as she cannot be in the same place as your mother.

I sent back that that i understand that as they dont speak but for one day could thy not put aside their differences, after all its DS3 day and not theirs.

She sent back 'i cannot even stand to look at her face, thanks for invite though'

Now normally i wouldn't mind if it was a party as such but its my sons christening for gods sake.

AIBU to be angry at this and think that its ridiculous? :(

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 18/02/2013 21:39

It depends what her reasons are for not wanting to see your mother. She may have very valid reasons for wanting to avoid her, it's her choice to make.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/02/2013 21:39

YANBU. Barring things that are really dreadful (abuse, violence) people should be able to be polite and adult for a few hours. It's all just drama and me me me with some people.

squeakytoy · 18/02/2013 21:40

Most christenings are a party though.. just ask her to come to the church and not the drinks afterwards.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 18/02/2013 21:41

CloudsAndTrees
Do you know what its been that long i dont even know why they dont speak. But it was something trivial!!!

OP posts:
Annunziata · 18/02/2013 21:42

YABU, it only causes more trouble.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 18/02/2013 21:44

I really cannot for the life of my think of why they fell out, i tried to sort it, Cousin wanted mums number i gave it, thought all was ok then cousin decides no i dont nothing to do with her.

Even my auntie (cousins mum) doesnt speak to mum.

That is due to a party 2 years ago that was happening. All family was invited except me, sister and mum. It was for my mums stepsister and her eldest daughter organised it. I dont speak to the eldest daughter as i cant stand her. She once had a pop at my sister because shes a single mum on benefits and i stood up to her about it. She didnt like it and not spoke since. She didnt invite me, sister and mum to party because she didnt want 'skets' there Hmm

My mum rang my step grandma (stepsisters mum) and was having a go about how she wasnt invited etc etc.....

Cousin has a grudge against mum because of this too.

OP posts:
Scootee · 18/02/2013 21:44

Not sure really. The absence of your cousin doesn't really matter does it?

forgetmenots · 18/02/2013 21:44

I agree with Clouds, it's better that people just don't come than risk a scene at your DS's christening.

Itsjustafleshwound · 18/02/2013 21:45

Her loss. I think it is a pretty petty thing to do when the day is not about her or your mother.

I would leave it in her court ....

Original poster
M0naLisa · 18/02/2013 21:45

She does live a while away so she said the distance is too far which im happy to except that because if shes going to upset my mum on the day with the bitchy stares then id rather her not be there.

OP posts:
Original poster
M0naLisa · 18/02/2013 21:46

No its no skin off of my nose but it would ahve been nice to have family there for DS3 - i know he wont remember the day but for pictures it would have been nice for when hes older.

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 18/02/2013 21:46

Sorry yabu, she has been totally honest with you and obviously doesn't want tension on your sons day. I wouldn't go either if I felt that way about someonevelse attending.

plantsitter · 18/02/2013 21:47

Oof it all sounds like a lot of unnecessary emotional turmoil. I would be glad she's not going and enjoy your DC3's day.

Annunziata · 18/02/2013 21:50

You should see the photo of my DS3's christening. The full family standing on the steps of the church with faces like thunder. It's taken me fifteen years to laugh at it.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 18/02/2013 21:50

Annunziata
Oh god, yeah i dont want something bad!

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 18/02/2013 21:53

I think that you just have to accept that some people are silly. You didn't play the game and you just invited them all-if they decline you have at least done your bit-don't get involved, it is their loss.

WilsonFrickett · 18/02/2013 21:53

If the elder daughter that you can't stand and won't speak to invited you to her DC's christening would you go?

BoneyBackJefferson · 18/02/2013 21:55

YABU

you have held a grudge against the eldest daughter but someone else can't hold a grudge because it doesn't suit you.

RandallPinkFloyd · 18/02/2013 21:57

Ya absolutely not bu. Grown adults behaving like self-centred brats really piss me off.

My mother refused to come to my DS's 1st birthday because stbXh would be there. She thinks I'm a completely unreasonable cow to have even asked her. She has informed everyone that she will never be in the same room as him ever and DS "will just have to deal with it".

I won't ever forgive her.

It's attention seeking bollocks, pure and simple. Unfortunately there isn't a damn thing you can do about it that doesn't simply feed the drama.

All you can do is ignore. Have a wonderful day with your DS and don't spare her a second's thought.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 18/02/2013 21:59

Wilson
The elder daughter i dont speak is my step cousin, the cousin who has declined the invite is my blood cousin. I speak to her, mum doesnt.

Also the elder daughter of the cousin i dont speak to, i cant see having kids anytime soon, shes a lesbian.

OP posts:
whiteandyelloworchid · 18/02/2013 22:00

i thik your out of order and selfish op, you don't know why they don't get on, you might not know the full reasons

shes dec;linded perfectly politely so get over it

Original poster
M0naLisa · 18/02/2013 22:01

Can i just say the daughter of my step auntie who i dont speak to, wont speak to me. I have since the argument spoke to her in local supermarket where she works, she ignores me. If i invited them which i will be doing anyway as they are family, she will not come. In fact the step aunties never come to any family get togethers.

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 18/02/2013 22:01

You've invited everyone. Their problem not yours if they want to keep acting like a bad soap opera.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 18/02/2013 22:02

White
I do know why they dont speak, its been that long that i have forgotten exactly why they fell out. Although i am reminded that my cousin doesnt like my mother every time i see my mums sister. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
M0naLisa · 18/02/2013 22:02

I tried to cool it between the two of them when they fell out.

OP posts:
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