Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my dh's friend's girlfriend is being really rude when she shorterns our pfb's name.

171 replies

mameulah · 18/02/2013 13:07

The first time she did it he was five days old! Now she does it all the time, in texts, on cards, gift tags and everything. She has never once heard either of us use this nickname and it really, really winds me up!!!

I know my dh is right and it is not that important but I don't at all understand why she thinks it is okay for her to do this.

Has anyone else had to cope with this?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 18/02/2013 17:46

well, I think the OP is NBU.

5madthings · 18/02/2013 17:55

Have to say i wouldnt shorten a newborns name as i think its something that evolves as they get older and they have a say.

Every now and then someone calls my dd mezza which gives me rage!! Her name is merryn sometimes shortened to merry but mezza?!!

It is being done affectionately but if you really dont like it say so.

We were quite picky with names and discounted a few just because we didnt like the shortening ie genevieve which i love, but would have become jen, which i hate.

cece · 18/02/2013 18:07

Strangely I have the opposite problem. Ds2 has the shortened version of a

cece · 18/02/2013 18:08

Strangely I have the opposite problem. Ds2 has the shortened version of a name as his actual name. I get people lengthen it...

AngryGnome · 18/02/2013 18:35

See, this is why I need mumsnet! I have always shortened and made up funny little nicknames for my friends' children - it never occurred to me that people would be upset by this! Is this really something that causes people to seethe quietly? Surely you would just say if it bothered you that much?

kerala · 18/02/2013 19:32

Bedhopper no he was a lawyer so there is more than one aggressive Russian named Ivan sensitive about the pronunciation of his name - who'd have thunk it!

PoppyWearer · 18/02/2013 19:46

I need advice. I have a lot of few friends with DCs named Joshua. Is it ok to call them Josh? I try really hard to stick to Joshua so not to offend but the odd "Josh" slips out accidentally and I really don't want to cause offence!

But then, why pick Joshua if you hate Josh?!

FWIW, my DC1 has a long name which is shortened all the time. We chose a name very carefully for this reason and we're fine with all of the short versions. DH hates it when people shorten his own name and I feel very uncomfortable when people I don't know well shorten mine, because the short version is something only my family and DH call me, and not obvious, but if it's a colleague of DH's they only know me as that. Hmm

OTOH, just recently I dared to call BIL by the shorter version of his name, which is how he introduces himself, MIL heard me and practically hissed at me for calling him that!!! (Steve shortened from Stephen, seriously, he's 30yo!!!)

MammaTJ · 18/02/2013 20:06

My DDs name is Tia

5madthings · 18/02/2013 20:20

I think it depends on the age of the child, once school age or younger, they and their friends choose their own nicknames. For little babies is under one or two, I woulkdnt shorten it unless their parents do.

My ds1 is Theodore but since birth has been Theo as that is what we called him most of the time, he sometimes gets Theodore or theodorable which I do to wind him up as now at 13 he hates it

As I said my dad is merryn, always that, occasionally merry. Yet some occasionally call her mezza!! Ffs and that I correct as I can't stand it.

SE13Mummy · 18/02/2013 20:21

My DH is a serial name-shortener (or even name- changerBlush) - he ends up calling people by the name he thinks they look like Hmm. For this reason he had the final say on DD1's name (out of our top two - I'd have been happy with either) as I hated the thought of having a child named Esmerelda, for example, but called Gertrude by DH because he thought she looked like a Gertrude, "Yes, she's registered as Esmerelda Hyacinth Fortesque-Jones but DH calls her Gertrude".

We also discounted a significant number of names because we preferred different shortened versions of them e.g. Elinor - he preferred Ellie, I prefer Ella. DD1 has a name that has lots of abbreviations, all of which we both like, one of which is more often used as a male name, and any of which she will answer to aged 8.

DD2's name has a couple of shortened versions, one of which we both love (and have used since she was tiny) and another which is perfectly fine. One of DD1's friends, who has known DD2 since she was 6 months old, started using a shortened version that we'd never come across before (think Lydia being called Lee-Lee) and DD2, aged not yet 3 was furious. She said, very clearly, "I'm X or Y, not Z. Don't call me that". Annoyingly, the friend continued calling her 'Lee-Lee' and eventually I did step in and point out that DD2 had already asked her to call her X or Y and that ignoring her request was upsetting her.

So, whilst I think it's odd to choose a name for which you do not like the shortened versions, I can see that having someone else shorten your baby's name might grate. There are, obviously, bigger things to worry about but if this person has been kind enough to send presents etc. then I'm sure she would be kind enough to stick to using the name you have chosen for you DS...once she knows that it matters to you. However, don't take offence if she ends up avoiding his name subsequently - that's DH's coping mechanism when he can't remember if he's meant to be using the full/shortened version of someone's name Grin.

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 18/02/2013 20:34

I have it the opposite way round with one of my friends. I just cant bring myself to use the diminutive she uses as it makes me cringe but then i sound bad if I use the full version as they never use it.

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy · 18/02/2013 20:45

Dc1 has a name that is commonly shortened, although we only ever use the full version, figuring it will be shortened soon enough by him and his peers. BIL and SIL shorten (and mispronounce) it. It gets on my nerves, but I don't actually think it's my place to say anything - they have their own relationship with him and he's old enough now to say if it bothers him (it doesn't seem to - the mispronunciation is because they are not English speakers bit try to say it in what they think is the English way). That said, it wouldn't occur to me to do the same with my niece or nephew, or with friends' dc. I call them what their parents call them.

In other words, YANBU to feel irritated but YWBU to say anything.

AmberSocks · 18/02/2013 20:46

i cant say whether op is unreasonabe or not until she says the name!.......tell us!

Original poster
mameulah · 18/02/2013 23:22

He's called Jonathan.

OP posts:
Original poster
mameulah · 18/02/2013 23:23

...okay, it isn't Jonathan, but I know I definitely would be being UR if was!

OP posts:
BeCool · 18/02/2013 23:23

The things people expect to be in their realm of control in this life astonishes me!

Just return the gifts with a polite note saying baby X couldn't possibly accept them from someone who doesn't obey his parents. Shock

SingingSands · 18/02/2013 23:31

Ah, she's only being affectionate. Or maybe she knows another who uses the shorter version? Is it Nathaniel? I have a Nathan and one of the mums I know from school insists on calling him Nathaniel. I don't really mind, but it's not really his name! Anyway, small potatoes...

My cousin had a baby girl and when I told my mum the happy news the conversation went:

Me: "It's a girl! She's called Emily."
Mum: "Emma. She's called Emma."
Me: "No Mum, Emily."
Mum: "Oh. I don't like Emily. No. That won't do... I will call her Emma."
Me: "..."

BenjaminButton172 · 18/02/2013 23:32

I gave my dd a name and i expect people to call her by her name.

For example say dds name is katherine i would expect people to call her katherine. If i wanted her to be called kate thats what i would have put on her birth certificate.

I am pretty strict when it comes to names.

OP i would tell her that you dont like it & will she call him by his name.

Original poster
mameulah · 18/02/2013 23:38

BenjaminButton172

What you said. That is exactly what I think.

BeCool

If our ds was 4 or 5 or 25 then I honestly don't think I would be even slightly bothered. But when it first happened he was 5 days old and had only had his name for two days.

It is not a control issue, it is about giving value to the time and care we put into choosing our ds's name.

OP posts:
ironhorse · 19/02/2013 00:00

yanbu - i dont like people shortening names. my FIL is the only person who called our little one a shortened name and he was corrected. i know some names get shortened e.g. james to jim - i always think if i wanted them to be called jim i would have given them that name but i didnt... i also have a friend who tells people that her name is her full name, if they ignore her and use a shortened name she ignores them, they soon get the message.

ironhorse · 19/02/2013 00:03

BenjaminButton172 looks like we were writing our posts at the same time, i thought i was the only person who thought like that, glad to know other folks do too.

Lavenderhoney · 19/02/2013 05:26

I once worked with a man called Jesus and had no idea it was pronounced h- Seuss. Much secret hilarity amongst co - workers until he said I love you think I am the son of god but sadly it's ... I was super embarressed, but I always check now with names:)

aurynne · 19/02/2013 05:54

Lavenderhoney, Jesus is quite a common Spanish name, and it's the same one as the Son of God's, so your coworker's comment was quite silly. Jesus Christ just happened to be given quite a common name. In that time they were many Jesus's around. The name was of course still used after Mary chose it for her son.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 19/02/2013 06:33

Benjamin and OP lots of people do give a full version of a name intending to use a pet version, or to have flexibility to change which version they use depending on circumstances though - just because you personally would have put Kate or Jim (or Jamie) on a birth certificate doesn't mean other people don't feel equally strongly that the full name is the one to put on the birth certificate but that they will use a pet form sometimes/ always and want the child to have a more "grown up name" to chose to use at a later date ... My kids all have short names but I lengthen them and use all sorts of silly pet forms, any name can be shortened, if only to an initial! :o

Bunbaker · 19/02/2013 06:43

"For example say dds name is katherine i would expect people to call her katherine. If i wanted her to be called kate thats what i would have put on her birth certificate"

What would you do if she decided to shorten her name herself?

My mum didn't like shortened names so she gave us names that couldn't be shortened.

I once went out with a bloke whose siblingss were called Jonathon, Stephen Nicholas and Elizabeth. None of the names were shortened at home and it used to sound so formal when they spoke to each other using the long versions of their names all the time. They were a lovely family though.