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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my dh's friend's girlfriend is being really rude when she shorterns our pfb's name.

171 replies

mameulah · 18/02/2013 13:07

The first time she did it he was five days old! Now she does it all the time, in texts, on cards, gift tags and everything. She has never once heard either of us use this nickname and it really, really winds me up!!!

I know my dh is right and it is not that important but I don't at all understand why she thinks it is okay for her to do this.

Has anyone else had to cope with this?

OP posts:
Original poster
mameulah · 18/02/2013 14:00

Oh, and by 'cope with' I really meant, do I just suck it up or do I say something?

OP posts:
MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 18/02/2013 14:00

she does it all the time, in texts, on cards, gift tags and everything

Do you realise quite how spoilt and precious you sound?

She is being lovely. So, she shortens his name? Just nicely mention that you like the long version and hope to keep it that way for as long as you can if you absolutely have to.

But for the love of god, once he gets old enough to have friends, don't tell them not to use the short version, it's very very embarassing. I still cringe when friends use the shortened version of my name in front of my Mum and she still metions it sometimes, but thank fuck, not in front of friends anymore. I agree it's nowhere near as nice as my full name, but my full name is 3 syllables so it's inevitably shortened.

CloudsAndTrees · 18/02/2013 14:01

I would suck it up. Your baby needs nice people who care enough to talk about him and give him gifts more than he needs to be addressed by the correct name.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 18/02/2013 14:05

x-posted with you.

I don't know what you should do really. I would just smile and accept that it's her way - I mean, it's not like she's calling him 'The Brat' or something... but if it's going to keep annoying you to this level then you should say something to her (what I said above) but just make sure you a) do it in person & b) with a very warm, friendly, tone... if you want to stay friendly :)

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 18/02/2013 14:06

Another one for the suck it up brigade here. People shorten or change other people's names all the time. Giving someone a nickname is a sign of affection/liking.

Is it possible that you have other issues with her and are finding her behaviour more familiar than you'd like it to be?

thebody · 18/02/2013 14:07

Is the key to this ' my Dhs friends girlfriend' ???

Don't you like said friend and his GF?

I think she sounds nice and unless she is calling your baby fat cheeks or poo head then what's the problem.

If you make a deal of this texted and presents will stop with the friendly banter and you might miss it more than you know.

JenaiMorris · 18/02/2013 14:08

Yup, you're going to have to put up with it I'm afraid you silly bugger

As an aside, there isn't a name in the world that can't be pettified (I have no idea if that is an acutal word) in some way. If you're anything like me you'll probably come up with something completely bizarre to call your ds before long, despite yourself Grin

NymphadoraTonks · 18/02/2013 14:08

My SIL recently had a baby Thomas, when we texted her to say congratulations, we wrote 'Congratulations on baby Thomas (Tom?)' and she texted back saying 'Thanks, Thomas or Tom is fine :)'

I didn't want to get into exactly the situation your friend is in!

megandraper · 18/02/2013 14:11

Just tell her, but nicely.

I once had a work colleague called Ivan. It was a big company and I'd only ever seen his name written down. I had to telephone him and began the call with 'Hello Ivan...' (pronouncing it the English way - Eye-van'.

He interrupted, and really angrily said 'It's Eeee-vahn, not Eye-van, don't say it that way again.'

I was quite embarrassed, and thought he was very rude. I get that he was probably fed up of people mispronouncing it (turned out he was Russian so that was the correct pronunciation) but there was no need for him to be nasty and aggressive. I wouldn't have minded it if he'd corrected me pleasantly.

Original poster
mameulah · 18/02/2013 14:11

I agree with all of you, and honestly I am not usually this precious.

It just felt really forward and unexpected.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 18/02/2013 14:16

It annoys me when I introduce ny self as Holly and people shorten it to eg Holl. Holl would be the name my close friends would use, it is a pet name, general acquaintances are overstepping the mark by using diminutives.

If you had a James and someone started calling him Jim, or worse extending it to Jamie, you'd get annoyed too!

Thumbwitch · 18/02/2013 14:17

Mameulah - it's probably yer 'ormones. Grin

pingu2209 · 18/02/2013 14:21

You are not one of those mothers that have called their child Benjamin and expect everyone to call him his full name and not shorten it to Ben are you?!

If it is something like that, Joanne to Jo or Louise to Lou or Stephen to Steve etc, you are being unreasonable and will have to get used to it as it will be the first time of many.

lurkedtoolong · 18/02/2013 14:41

I think you are being a little UR but I have grown up with a mum who hates names being shortened so I can see where you are coming from. How about being subtle (in a brick like way). If she texts you saying "How is Tom today?" reply "Thomas is enjoying the sunshine". Sends a present, reply with "Thank you for the gift, Thomas will love it." Reiterate over and over again that your child's name is the full version...

My mum once hung up the phone on someone who called saying "Is (eg) Lou there?"
"No, no Lou lives here"
When my friend rang back she said "Oh you must be looking for Louise".

Please don't do that in the future.

ZebraOwl · 18/02/2013 14:51

As you'd not told her not to do so she's not being rude - she's just misjudged her mateyness.

I am not only blessed with a very unusual name & all attendant problems but it has an abbreviation I LOATHE. It is a bit awkward having to ask people not to use it, but it is better than eventually snapping at someone!

If you've had to do lots of negotiating to come up with a name that both you & your husband like & that works with your surname & All The Other Name Stuff it makes sense you might (esp with All The Hormones) be feeling a bit protective of the name. Tiny bit bonkers, but logically so.

Good luck with sorting this one out Smile

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 18/02/2013 15:04

Yabu. It is just a name and it is of very little consequence if it is shortened. It will happen lots in the future anyway so try not to let it bother you.

pictish · 18/02/2013 15:05

You're being silly because this does not matter one single jot.

Our eldest is Oscar...and everyone calls him Oscar except my friend J who has always called him Oz or Ozzie. I HATE Oz and Ozzie but I have never corrected her because it doesn't bloody matter. It's not rude, it's affectionate and well intended, and that DOES matter. Chill out.

EuroShagmore · 18/02/2013 15:18

She probably just doesn't realise. She sounds lovely though - presumably there were gifts attached to the gift tags? That's very nice from you husband's friend's gf!

Sign the thank you cards in the full name and she might pick up on it.

jenai there are a few names you can't really shorten. I know someone who hates nameshortening and so called her daughter Claire. A family friend insisted on calling her "cl" to wind up the mother...

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 18/02/2013 15:31

I appreciate I'm probably weird but it never occurs to me to call anyone by any other name than the one they introduce themselves as.

DS has a name that is a shortened version of a longer name. A friend of his still manages to shorten it Hmm I say nothing...DS is 20, he can tell his friend if it bugs him.

DD has a name that I knew would be shortened but luckily I like the shortened version.

If it really irritates you then just keep calling your DS by his name and hope she picks up on it.

As for not giving a name when you don't like the shortened version...ex and I could only agree on one name for DS that we both like. I just thank my lucky stars that DD was a girl or else we'd have been fucked.

kerala · 18/02/2013 15:40

Bedhopper am wondering if we know the same person?! DH shared an office with an Ivan who went ballistic if anyone pronounced it the English way (Eye -van) as you say. Must have been exhausting for him as he was living and working in England. He was Russian and really mean.

Likewise my friends mother named Diane but pronounced Deee- arne who would get really snippy with people about it.

Personally I think shortening names is sweet and shows affection really cannot get worked up about this.

megandraper · 18/02/2013 16:19

ha, kerala, maybe it is the same person. Was he a consultant? A mean one! :)

valiumredhead · 18/02/2013 16:28

Isn't it nice that she makes the effort?

jamdonut · 18/02/2013 16:40

I am a terrible name-shortener,I can't help myself! But it is always meant in an affectionate way. I hope people don't think I'm being rude. There is a child at school who always corrects me if I use the shortened form of their name...I always apologise,but its the sort of name that is commonly shortened, and it just comes out!

fromparistoberlin · 18/02/2013 16:43

Sexy Dexy
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTAF

KitchenandJumble · 18/02/2013 17:43

I must say, it is so refreshing to see an OP accept that she is BU! Well done, OP.

I don't think parents can (or should) control what other people call their children. Barring an offensive nickname, I think it's best to let everyone shorten the names as they please. I'm sure people's intentions are generally good.

By the time the children are old enough to express a preference, they can decide which names and nicknames they like best. I do find it annoying when a child prefers to be called by a nickname and the parent insists otherwise. Very controlling, IMO.

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