To think that my dh's friend's girlfriend is being really rude when she shorterns our pfb's name.

[mameulah]

The first time she did it he was five days old! Now she does it all the time, in texts, on cards, gift tags and everything. She has never once heard either of us use this nickname and it really, really winds me up!!!

I know my dh is right and it is not that important but I don't at all understand why she thinks it is okay for her to do this.

Has anyone else had to cope with this?

[chrome100]

YABU. You don't "own" your child, they are their own person with whom people will develop their own relationship completely independently of you.

You might insist on him being called "Edward" for example, but can't possibly stop his friends calling him "Ed"/"eddie"/"shagger" etc when he starts school

This woman is clearly fond of your child. You should be pleased he had so many people who care for him. As the saying goes, a loved one has many names....

[Lighthousekeeping]

My sisters five have names that cannot be shortened. She hasn't even used the full versions of them on the birth certificate. That's surely the way to go if you never, ever want your child's name shortening? YABU she sounds lovely to take the time to fuss over your baby.

[exoticfruits]

It really doesn't work if you try a name that can't be shortened- my DS has one and his friends call him something else entirely. You have no control over the name- it just means that you are getting it a bit earlier than normal- you generally get your own way for the first 5/6 years. The only one with control is the person themselves- once they are old enough. I wouldn't worry.

[BenjaminButton172]

My dd hates it if people even pronounce her name wrong so i doubt she would shorten it.

IMO if someone did shorten her name it would give her a completely different name. For example someone called jasmine getting called jay. They are two different names.

[Upsy1981]

It's completely normal where I used to live (Liverpool) to have your name shortened almost immediately you have been introduced (even if you were introduced using the full version of your name). I am thinking about the group of 6 friends we socialise with and none of us get called our full name! It's not done to be rude though, its a sign of affection and being comfortable and relaxed with that person.

The only person who never shortens my name is my mum. My DD has a name that you can't shorten (not chosen for that reason) but I actually lengthen her name usually, or call her something totally unconnected to her name!

[exoticfruits]

People don't do if the child doesn't like it- they just don't bother what the parent thinks. I don't shorten DS1's name - everyone else does- he likes it so that is all that matters. I knew there was no hope, I took him into school at a few weeks old to show my old class and it was shortened after a few minutes by several children.

[exoticfruits]

You have to be aware when you choose a name that you can't control it. They often get told this on baby naming threads and ignore it as if it won't happen.

[badtemperedaldbitch]

Upsy181

Yes i'm a scouser and worked in St Helens once. I was introduced to a Woolyback and i shorted her name immediately to Liz

she said... 'no my name is Elizabeth. i've noticed that you people do that' complete with a lip curl and pained expression

[Ahh get over yourself]

[ClaudiaSchiffer]

It is not a control issue, it is about giving value to the time and care we put into choosing our ds's name.

NEWSFLASH Sorry love, no one else really gives a shit.

And I really mean that in the kindest way possible but that is the epitome of pfb

[DesiderataHollow]

What will you do when he goes to school, and 30 children all give hime a different nickname?

DS2 has a least 4 or 5 NickNames not officially sanctioned by us, and he's only 4. Nothing I can do about it.

My foolish mother gave me a name which she thought could not be shortened because the shortening was only ever used by males who had the male version of the name. Everyone without exception calls me by the shortened version apart from her .

Names gain a life of their own, and children usually end up with a name, nickname or shortening that suits them regardless of what their parents want.

PS, what does your DH think about the "wrong" name?

[YellowDinosaur]

Well I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think you should call a child the name their parents choose until the child is old enough to decide for themself when it should be up to them.

Having said that I don't think you can really complain about it unless you've told her how you feel.

Ds1 is called the short version of a longer name as don't like the longer name. He has been called the longer name on several occasions, most memorably when he was in hospital and when they didn't correct it after being politely told about 3 times I was a bit more forceful that they had his actual proper name on his records. I think this is a slightly different thing though but when friends have done this I've corrected them (politely) too.

If he wants the longer version when he's older it will make my teeth itch but if that's what he wants of course we will respect his wishes.

[cory]

And it's downhill from here...

Bringing up children is about learning to lose control.

Eventually you will learn to cherish anyone who cares enough about your child to speak to them at all, let alone send them presents.

[Lancelottie]

'But for the love of god, once he gets old enough to have friends, don't tell them not to use the short version, it's very very embarrassing. '

Would second (third?) this! DS was given a lift home by a schoolfriend's mother the other day, and was wondering why there was an unusually freezing atmosphere in the car, until Friend's Mum turned to him and snapped, 'My daughter's name is Gabriella! Do NOT keep calling her Gabby you common little oik!'

DS didn't even know that was her full name.

[freedom2011]

my friend handled this in a really nice way. I called the child by his full name, Robert for example and she said, you know it is really funny to hear you calling him by his formal name when we all know him as Bobby. I got the hint - the child should be called Bobby.

[bigbuttons]

Don't sweat the small stuff op. With Dc3 we agreed on a name, it was on her birth certificate and for some reason ds1 decided to call her something completely different, not a nick name, a proper name, a name that bore no resemblance to the name she had been given.
So I called her by her given name for a while and slowly everyone else started calling her by the name ds1 called her. So now, at 11 she has only ever been called by ds1's chosen name. I love her given name, her nick name, not so much.

[ComposHat]

It is not a control issue, it is about giving value to the time and care we put into choosing our ds's name

Oh for god's sake.

I guess my parents put 'time and care' (ie, bought a baby name book and flicked through it until they found one they liked) into picking my name. Thing is, I fucking hate it. Merely hearing it in public is enough to set my teeth on edge.

My first name is James. I loathe it. For as long as I have been old enough to have a say about it I have been known as Jim/Jimmy/Jamesie. My late grand father started called me Jim when I was little, without my parents: for which I am eternally grateful.

[5madthings]

This is a newborn tho, the op has said when he is older his friends etc can call him whatever, but surely adults can use his name?

Children are different and shorten names and make up nicknames but its not hard for an adult to use the name until a nickname naturally develops as baby gets a bit older.

Its not worth making a massive fuss but saying we aren't shortening his name just yet is fine.

Every now and then someone calls my dd mezza!! Her name is merryn and it occasionally gets shortened to merry which is fine, mezza is bloody vile and I will say no its merry/merryn.

I do want to know what the name is tho!!!

[bigbuttons]

also on my dad's side of the family no one is EVER called by their 'real' name, ever. We all have nicknames, adults and children alike and that is how we are known. I like that.

[WynkenBlynkenandNod]

I think you just have to cope with it. DH introduced himself to me as a short version of his name. Then for years after whenever I met his Mum I had to try to remember to call him by his long name as she got the hump over the short version.

We gave DD a name that had lots of shortenings thinking we'd eventually go with one of them. It never really happened. Then she started upper school and wanted to change her name, absolutely hatred the shortening we liked. So we went through all 200 versions and shortenings in other languages (maybe a slight exaggeration but not much) until we found one she liked. All her new friends and their parents know her by it. I'm trying hard but find it weird, slightly easier 6 months down the line. Guess it will eventually become second nature.

[BeCool]

I disagree and I think it is most certainly a CONTROL issue. You're really upset because this person won't call your child what you have decided they MUST be called. You can't control the girlfriend and guess what there will be loads of other people you can't control in this manner to come.

Just relax about it.

Thing is, surely most people know that if you don't want a name to be shortened (in our society at least), then choose a name that can't be shortened. There are lots of them. (I have one, my 2 sisters have one & my 2 DD's have one each too). Even then people will muck around with them, or give nick names or whatever. OP you are being extremely precious.

NEW FLASH - if you chose one of the following names (for example) then KNOW when you choose it that people will shorten it (many people will choose these names for that very reason):
Jonathan
Christopher
Benjamin
Catherine/Katherine
Elizabeth
Joanne
Pamela
Alexandra
Michael
etc
etc
etc

If having a name that the world won't shorten in a heartbeat is really important to you, then there are loads to choose from.

[MurderOfGoths]

People shortened DSs name at first, but we asked them not to (nicely, obviously) and they were all fine with it.

[spg1983]

Urge OP it could be much worse. My mother has dispensed entirely with given names and has re-christened my nephew "Dinky Doo" and my bump is apparently going to be called "Winky woo" when it's born. She uses these names literally all the time, I don't remember ever hearing her use my nephew's real name (and my one has no name yet!).

We have said how weird it sounds and she just laughed and said how she thought it was cute to have her own little names for them...we've just decided to put up with it, I'm sure Dinky and Winky will speak up for themselves when they get old enough to realise how awful these names sound!

On the same note though, I know a girl called Charlotte who has never been shortened to Charlie etc - I only ever remember her correcting someone once who tried to shorten it - she's just been consistent throughout her life in introducing herself as Charlotte and has kept it up and it's worked.

[spg1983]

Meant urgh, not urge! Sorry!

[Francagoestohollywood]

Here's a grip, op