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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my dh's friend's girlfriend is being really rude when she shorterns our pfb's name.

171 replies

mameulah · 18/02/2013 13:07

The first time she did it he was five days old! Now she does it all the time, in texts, on cards, gift tags and everything. She has never once heard either of us use this nickname and it really, really winds me up!!!

I know my dh is right and it is not that important but I don't at all understand why she thinks it is okay for her to do this.

Has anyone else had to cope with this?

OP posts:
goldenlula · 18/02/2013 13:32

I find it annoying when people shorten ds2's name and usually repeat his full name when they do. Now he is 4 he tells them that his name is not the shortened version, it is longer version. I personally would never shorten a child's name unless the parent did or as the child gets older and wants it shortened, if that is what I choose. Ds2 will probably always be known by the longer version by us but if he chooses to use the shortened version for others when he is older that is his choice.

Thumbwitch · 18/02/2013 13:33

(Maryz - she's called Luna for short, not Rosie Wink - I just had to google it because I wasn't sure if it was real or not! I thought I'd given DS1 a long enough name to deal with but it's not even half as long as Luna's, poor girl)

sooperdooper · 18/02/2013 13:34

I think your being melodramatic I don't think it's rude - she's buying him presents and asking after him in texts, maybe you'd rather she just ignored him and didn't bother, that would be rude

What's the name/nickname? I think if it's a common nickname you'll struggle for noone to use it ever, maybe your ds will prefer it when he's older himself

FunnysInLaJardin · 18/02/2013 13:36

YABU and silly OP

Alwaysasking · 18/02/2013 13:36

Ah thanks! I think OP you are being a bit UR, whilst I can appreciate it's annoying - it's life. My ds (George) gets called "Georgy" ( which I don't mind but hate it when people spell it "Georgie" lol), Georgy Porgy (adults and his peers in school call him this), Georgio, G, Pud, all sorts. My dm said she would have loved to call me Natalie but didn't like the thought of people calling me 'Nat'.

Whilst annoying, it happens. Tell your friend you would prefer her to call you ds by his name but she sounds lovely otherwise tbh.

yuleheart · 18/02/2013 13:37

Have you told her?

I hate people shortening my name and politely ask them not to as soon as they do it.

TreadOnTheCracks · 18/02/2013 13:37

I'm afraid in my book yabu to pic a name where you don't like the shortenings.

But I agree you are just to have to mention it. and then get used to it because his school friends will be doing it too

louisianablue2000 · 18/02/2013 13:38

PFB- precious first born.

If you have previously asked her to use the full form and she has refused (like the MIL's who say 'I don't like Emily, I'm going to call her Bertha') then YADNBU. If you haven't told her then I agree it is quite rude but some people think it's Ok so they just need reminding.

I have chosen names that don't have short forms but both grandmothers have their own pet name for DD1. But as close family members I think they are allowed that, I wouldn't be happy about such a distant friend doing it.

Cailinsalach · 18/02/2013 13:39

YANBU.....but it will keep happening.

I have chosen the two best names ever for my sons, but not even their real father uses them. I have become resigned to this and so address them by their initials only now, P and CG.

Joined em as I couldn't beat them.

EnjoyResponsibly · 18/02/2013 13:40

Since she goes to the effort of buying presents and cards I'd let it go.

Just as I do when my friend sings DS's name twice in the manner of a very irritating song from a musical.

Lavenderhoney · 18/02/2013 13:43

She sounds nice with texts and presents:) does your ds have a long name that is hard to spell? I have friends with gaelic names for babies and I have to keep a note!

Maybe she thinks a long name is not suited to a baby, eg Montgomery or monty - why don't you just say you prefer the longer version for now but obviously when he is able to talk he will tell you his preference anyway.

CloudsAndTrees · 18/02/2013 13:44

If its a name that is very commonly given an abbreviation that is widely accepted as a name, then YABVU.

If your baby's name is Jon and she's shortening it to Jo, then you have a point.

MustTidyUpMustTidyUp · 18/02/2013 13:46

Oliver! Oliver! Wink?

OHforDUCKScake · 18/02/2013 13:47

It depends what it is. If your babys name is Richard and she calls him Dick YANBU.

If your babys name is Samuel and she calls him
Sam then you need to get used it because it wont just be her Im afraid.

Bue · 18/02/2013 13:48

I can't even fathom how this could be considered "rude". Unless you have explicitly told her that you hate that nickname?

Dannilion · 18/02/2013 13:48

When I was training as a nurse I had this really mean patient who would PURPOSELY call me "Dan-you-ell-AAARR", (pronounced like that too!) no matter how many times I told her my name is Danielle. (Probably outed myself here for the tiny minority that were on that ward at that point in time).

Anyways, it really used to boil my piss. So if you have told her that that's not his name, YANBU. However, if you haven't then are you expecting her to read your mind?

GreenLeafTea · 18/02/2013 13:49

I agree just tell her. I used to work with a guy called Christopher and he hated having his name shortened to Chris. I think some people used to do it to wind him up though. So, if it is a common shortening you might have to get used to telling people.'

Thumbwitch · 18/02/2013 13:51

I know of someone who had a Tobias, who was definitely a Tobias and never to be called Toby. We all knew that, she had no problem telling everyone exactly that - pretty much introduced him like that from the first day.

Perhaps you haven't been obvious enough in your name-preference, OP?

Pilgit · 18/02/2013 13:51

my bil shortens our pfb's name because he doesn't like the name and prefers the shortened version. the 'well we prefer her actual name' and the fact we don't use the shortening at all (as it a name used in its own right) has not penetrated - he has a skin a rhino would be jealous off. no point making a thing of it with him - there are bigger reasons to get annoyed with him!

GooseyLoosey · 18/02/2013 13:52

I'm not sure about this.

The dcs have a number of friends who are called by short forms of their names at school but whose parents call them by the long form. I have only ever heard them referred to by the shortened version and that is how they refer to themselves when they are with me. Which version of their names should I use?

I try to remember to use their full names when I am talking to their parents, but sometimes I forget.

I know it is not the same with a 5 day old baby, so it probably is rude, but I think it is something you make need to learn to live with. The name will in all probability be shortened at school.

TroublesomeEx · 18/02/2013 13:53

Just tell her. Confused

When my SIL was pregnant, she and my brother decided they weren't going to tell anyone the baby's name until she was born. So I had gave her a little nickname so that I didn't have to refer to her as 'the baby'.

My brother said he quite liked it, but that he wanted me to use her name when she was born. I said fine.

Her name is also one that can be shortened and is more often heard in it's shortened form nowadays. He said he didn't want it shortened. So we didn't.

My daughter has a nice common name that is often shortened. I don't like it so I've said to people "Oh we're not shortening it".

My son's name can be shortened. I have never introduced him using the shortened version. Once he was old enough to give it himself and he chose it, that was fine. Until then I said "Oh I'm not shortening it."

It's really quite simple!

JenaiMorris · 18/02/2013 13:55

I couldn't even begin to get irritated by this.

YANBU to be annoyed I suppose because different things irk different people, but YABU to think she's being rude (unless you have asked politely for her to refrain from using the shortened form). Oh and YABU to ask if other people have to "cope" with this - it's hardly one of life's great trials, is it?

At some point though you will need to accept that you cannot control these things.

badtemperedaldbitch · 18/02/2013 13:56

my sis wanted her daughter called E-G becuase its so beautiful. sis used to go ballistic if you called her E.

now she only answers to the first sylable of her name and she is 10!

Original poster
mameulah · 18/02/2013 13:58

Okay......I know, I know, I know, IABU!!! Arg! That's what my Mum and my dh said.

First off our ds has a name that I have never, ever, ever heard anyone shorten.

The friend is someone I am friendly with, rather than friends with, IYSWIM.

I know she is being kind buying him a present but she abbreviated his name before she had even met him.

I didn't tell her I didn't like it because I was not long out of hospital having delivered him and knew I wouldn't be able to say it in a casual way and that I would have done a really ugly job of it.

I know that he is bound to get nicknames at school and I really don't anticipate being annoyed by them, I am a teacher and totally get that this happens.

It took my dh ages to agree on a name for our pfb and I am sure that is why this has got right under my skin!

Arg!

OP posts:
drjohnsonscat · 18/02/2013 13:59

She's showing her affection.

I do this all the time with my DNs and my sisters do it to my DCs. I love it. We show each other affection in this way every single day. I hate the idea that only I get to determine what people call my children. It's like telling them you can only call them "darling" not "my love" or "sweetheart" or "beauty". Nicknames belong between people - they are not official and only to be bequeathed by a parent.

This may be just a my family thing as we all have lots of names and nicknames and shorted forms but it's all a sign of affection.