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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That anyone can provide a decent home education for their child

226 replies

akaemmafrost · 17/02/2013 20:06

If they are inclined to?

I have no choice but to HE ds, he has multiple SN and is unable to function in any of our local schools.

Every single time I tell someone I get Shock Hmm or a mixture of both. Nine times out of ten I am asked if I am a teacher? No, I am not.

With access to a library and Internet AIBU to believe that anyone who is inclined to do so can provide a decent Home Education for their child?

I've been thinking about this for quite a while now, why the shock, judgement and sometimes downright horror whenever I tell anyone I HE? Is it really so scary and unbelievable that I can provide this to ds without being formally trained?

It seems to provoke incredibly strong opinions, even from complete strangers, which they feel they must strenuously share with me usually. So just wondering really as I can never really ask them.

OP posts:
streakybacon · 18/02/2013 10:05

Oh, and I'm woefully uneducated by most people's standards, including my own. I am the proud owner of two O levels (yes, that's how old I am) and a City and Guilds in word processing. Hardly a high flyer! But my primary skill is in knowing my child and how to engage with him, what works and what doesn't, and where my limitations are. And caring about his future. If there's something I can't teach him, I can usually find someone who can. It costs a bleedin' fortune but there you go Grin.

cory · 18/02/2013 10:09

juule Mon 18-Feb-13 09:40:05
"Regarding bullying "that adults can actually come up with a plan that works". Maybe sometimes but not always.
And even though you may live in the same community as the bullies, there is more opportunity for confrontation and coercion of others when you are sharing classes regularly."

I found less, actually. The worst bullying always happened out of class. Even in my days, teachers weren't totally clueless.

But agree with seeker that it would be wrong to have expectations of bullying.

redwallday · 18/02/2013 10:14

I don't think just anyone could HE. I know I certainly couldn't. I simply don't have the patience some days and tbh I enjoy the break school gives me away from them (selfish I'm sure but there you go). I have two friends however who do a fabulous job HE their children and I can't see why anyone would take issue with it. So YABU to presume that everyone could do it of they wanted to but YANBU to think you shouldn't have to listen to other peoples silly opinions on the matter Grin

mrsjay · 18/02/2013 10:20

well tbh i am a bit thick and there is no way I would be able to do it not everybody can

cory · 18/02/2013 10:23

imho: the quicker we accept that we are all different, the better it will be

I know many HE'ers who have to endure endless silly remarks about how they are short changing their children when this is manifestly not the case

otoh I sometimes get a bit tired with my friend's assumption that because HE is right for her ds, it would also be right for my dd: I have never seen two people more unlike each other in aspirations, fears, difficulties, strengths etc

she keeps telling me that if only dd was HE'd she wouldn't have a problem with x, y and z, and I am left thinking "but dd never has had a problem with x, y or z- that is your ds you're talking about"

she is the one who has the One Size Fits All attitude- which is what she keeps telling me you avoid through HE'ing

Original poster
akaemmafrost · 18/02/2013 10:25

For those of you who say you could never do it, would you consider that it might be YOUR perception of how HE should be that makes you think this? If you we're to imagine your average day of HE, how would it look?

OP posts:
cory · 18/02/2013 10:28

akaemma, the reason I think I could never do it is because we've tried and dd misses school terribly and takes it out on me

or simply spends her day with a blanket over her head and refuses to get up

also because the socialising is quite difficult without a car as HE groups etc around here are not based around accessibility and public transport

and the reason I don't think I can drive is because I have limited vision

crashdoll · 18/02/2013 10:29

I have nothing against home education. I think it suits some children down to the ground and some parents are fantastic at it. However, YABU....not every parent can provide a good home ED not is every child suitable. Some flourish at school, some don't. Some parents would love it, some would hate it.

MrsDeVere · 18/02/2013 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsjay · 18/02/2013 10:32

I have nothing against people who want to home ed their children it just wasn't for me I dont think 1 size fits all

shepherdsdelight · 18/02/2013 10:36

I would be too disorganised to HE. The only thing that brings some structure to my life is my hours of work - the rest of the time I just kind of drift along jumping from one task to another. Actual 'lessons' with a purpose and conclusion would never happen. And I would be really impatient too if they struggled to understand what I was trying to teach. It would be chaotic and stressful for child and me.

shepherdsdelight · 18/02/2013 10:38

I am in awe of those who do home educate.

morethanpotatoprints · 18/02/2013 10:40

I think anybody can H.ed if so inclined.

Because if they are inclined they obviously want to do it and will find a way that works. IMO.

I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do it but it works great for us.

Original poster
akaemmafrost · 18/02/2013 10:44

cory I did put in my OP "if they are inclined" to provide HE. Obviously in your case you could not.

I am honestly only looking for the reasons people have such strong opinions about it and what their perceptions of it are. There are some really useful points on here. Which can only be helpful to me as a HEducator. I don't want to be blinkered about it.

OP posts:
cory · 18/02/2013 10:57

akaemma, what you didn't mention in your first post was "and if the children are also so inclined". This is where we fall down. Since dd is firmly against the idea, I don't think it would work however inclined I was.

The reason it works for my friend is that her ds is quite happy doing it. And that she has transport.

GrendelsMum · 18/02/2013 11:43

It obviously can be done hugely successfully - I was at college with a girl who had 7 A-levels and had been HE.

I can see that you could arrange to get extra tutition help at points where you realise that you don't have the knowledge, but I'd wonder whether people risked 'not knowing what they don't know', and inadvertently miss teaching key skills or perpetuate misconceptions.

mrsjay · 18/02/2013 11:45

not everybody can afford tutors for their children and I am assuming home ed groups are not funded ( i dont know)

Original poster
akaemmafrost · 18/02/2013 11:49

Many children actually HE until GCSE's and then go to college to complete them and A'levels, or do OU.

I read of one boy who at age 13 realised he needed GCSE's to pursue his career path and completed the work required for his maths GCSE in three months.

OP posts:
wordfactory · 18/02/2013 11:50

grendel I know a home educated DC who did very disappointingly in his A levels last Summer. Far below what he needed for the university course he wanted.

The problem wasn't that he wasn't clever; he was. Or that he hasn't had a very good, broad education; he has. The problem was that neither he nor his parents had the relevant expertise in what was required in the exam IYSWIM.

He had the ability. He had the knowledge. He just didn't know how to demonstrate it to the best effect in his exams.

streakybacon · 18/02/2013 11:52

You can get financial support but it depends on your LA. Nowt where I am.

Yes, it's expensive to hire tutors, no doubt about it. But in our case there is no other way. We'd exhausted all other possibilities and HE was all we were left with. We ARE making a good job of it but it's very challenging and very expensive. Just about all our income goes into ds's education.

IMO neither school nor HE is ideal. Both have gaps. I guess we all choose what we think is the best option for our children.

cory · 18/02/2013 11:58

streakybacon Mon 18-Feb-13 11:52:25

"Yes, it's expensive to hire tutors, no doubt about it. But in our case there is no other way. We'd exhausted all other possibilities and HE was all we were left with. We ARE making a good job of it but it's very challenging and very expensive. Just about all our income goes into ds's education."

This is another point worth making.

If HE costs extra money (as it does the moment you start thinking about tutors or travelling), then it is disingenous to suggest that every parent can provide the same.

I notice that HE's friends' suggestions for dd often depend on money I haven't got and transport I cannot access.

Obviously, if dd was really unhappy and this seemed the best solution anyway, then I would just have to accept that she wouldn't be getting quite the resources I would have wished for her- because an unhappy child isn't going to learn anyway.

But at the moment, I feel that we are getting a cheaper deal through school and that dd is therefore able to access learning opportunities I couldn't otherwise pay for.

It's about weighing up the best deal for your child.

morethanpotatoprints · 18/02/2013 12:02

Mrsjay

As far as I know all H.ed groups are organised by parents and the costs are relatively cheap focussing on play and socialising.

Just a point to those who don't think they are clever enough. You don't have to have any knowledge. I would say the exception was Maths and English to a certain degree at GCSE level and you could always get a tutor.

I am a qualified teacher F.E and none of my training has prepared me for H.ed because its a whole different ball game.
You don't need plans, assessment tools, and I was the least patient person in the world with my own dc. But I have learned over the past 6 months and am now quite chilled.
My dd sometimes misses school as she was happy and thriving there and had lots of friends. If I ask her if she wants to go back to school she is adamant she doesn't want to. She knows the choice is hers as it was to H.ed. She still sees her friends from school regularly and appreciates not having to be involved with playground politics.
Atm she is practising her saxophone and had her violin lesson this morning. This afternoon some maths, English (compulsory) for us, then what she chooses which is quite often History. We neither follow or avoid the curriculum but follow dds interests.

cory · 18/02/2013 12:06

morethanpotatoprints Mon 18-Feb-13 12:02:37
Mrsjay

"As far as I know all H.ed groups are organised by parents and the costs are relatively cheap focussing on play and socialising. "

But you have to be able to get there.

"I would say the exception was Maths and English to a certain degree at GCSE level and you could always get a tutor. "

If you have the money to spare.

The OP was about every parent. They don't all have money to spare.

GrendelsMum · 18/02/2013 12:08

MoreThat - That's unexpected - I'd always imagined that you'd have to know a huge amount to make a good job of teaching - for various reasons I have to impart knowledge on a subject which isn't mine, and I'm desperately aware of the limits of my ability. How do you get around that?

WordFactory - what a shame for the boy. Yes, I can imagine that happening. :(

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 18/02/2013 12:10

No I don't think anyone could do it.

It takes a special skill set, and an ability to separate the relationship you have with them with regard to their learning, from the relationship you have with them as their parent.