That anyone can provide a decent home education for their child

[akaemmafrost]

If they are inclined to?

I have no choice but to HE ds, he has multiple SN and is unable to function in any of our local schools.

Every single time I tell someone I get or a mixture of both. Nine times out of ten I am asked if I am a teacher? No, I am not.

With access to a library and Internet AIBU to believe that anyone who is inclined to do so can provide a decent Home Education for their child?

I've been thinking about this for quite a while now, why the shock, judgement and sometimes downright horror whenever I tell anyone I HE? Is it really so scary and unbelievable that I can provide this to ds without being formally trained?

It seems to provoke incredibly strong opinions, even from complete strangers, which they feel they must strenuously share with me usually. So just wondering really as I can never really ask them.

'I think there is a lot to be gained from being among your peers, getting the sharp edges knocked off, learning to function in a group.'

yes, that's a fair point if it works in that way for your children, however this is where school failed me, or rather I failed at school - it destroyed any social confidence I may have had. You have to start from a good place to get on well at school. If you don't, for some reason, then it will likely make you miserable as everyone will hate you.

Ah Rooney interesting (sorry if that sounds a bit trite) as that does seem to be what is happening to one of my sons (although he hides it well & just has frequent panic attacks at home and gord on abput how rubbish he is & how much everyone hates him). He dors a lit of drama etc putside school and is very confident in those groups, and will happily attend things like sports activity weeks alone and quite happily get on with the other kids in the group. It's just school that brings out that reaction. I'm a bit at a loss really on what would be the best thing to do for him.

Oh FFS! I'm turning my phone off - autocorrect didn't even work

I don't think everybody could make a good home educator. When I think of the children I have taught, some have left school without basic skills themselves and I don't think they would be able to provide a decent education for their children.

I went to several schools so many I couldn't list them all now(forces),it was tough as I was shy however I firmly believe it was better than being HE.

Interestingly. I had a friend who did it after trying to persuade me we could do it together- it lasted a month.Both mother and daughter were bored out of their brains within weeks.

What I don't understand is how anyone did it before the Internet. The fact that my DC attend school doesn't mean we don't educate them at home as well - my DS in particular has an insatiable appetite for knowledge of all sorts, so we are called upon to help him with questions all the time. I can't imagine how we'd cope without the backup of being able to use the Web either for simple answers to obscure questions or, more importantly, suitable ways to explain things that we sort-of understand but can't quite put into words - videos, diagrams, examples.

The process of writing it down and waiting to go to the library in 48 hours time and spend ages finding it seems so wasteful that it's positively medieval, even though it's happened since my graduation

I had to go on a bus to the next town to the library!

What Larks said.

The sharing of ideas could be achieved in groups I imagine, but it would be harder to match doing HE.

We had these amazing sort of paper internetty things- it was all in alphabetical order so the search function was quite good. Trouble was, the storage facility was incredibly bulky. It must have been about 2m long and it weighed a "ton"

Updating was tricky and expensive, though. But the good thing was that you could pretty much rely on the first hit you made being at least factually accurate and written by somebody who knew what they were talking about.

Rooney, I had the same problem in school. Didn't have much in the way of social skills to start with and ended up having any social confidence ruined. I was bullied mercilessly in school. I still struggle with the outcomes of that.

My school also pushed me to do subjects I had no interest in because I was naturally okay at them. I wanted to do a childcare nvq and was told that they were for dumb people, I should do science. Left college with two a levels, c in general studies and d in english. Now I'm doing my child care level three!

I think it depends on other factors too, such as child-parent dynamics, reasons for HE etc.

I've had to try to at times for dd, because her health has prevented her from attending school. It's always been a disaster, even in areas which we are both wildly enthusiastic about, because she resents it- she wants to be at school with her mates, not at home with me. She dislikes the whole idea of HE as she sees it as a subtle way of telling her that she can't have what her friends have.

On the face of it, I am well qualified to do HE: I am enthusiastic about a range of subjects, I know a lot about where to get information, I speak several foreign languages and have a houseful of interesting books. I just cannot HE this child who resents it.

Also, as I don't drive, it would be very difficult to provide her with enough social contacts: all the HE parents around here seem to rely heavily on the motor car. They say airily "oh, there's a HE group that meets X miles away, that would be plenty of social contact" and it just doesn't occur to them that x miles away with no public transport might be a difficulty for some families. School is within easy travelling distance and dd gets disabled transport there.

My friend has been a lot more successful, at least with one of her sons: he didn't thrive at school and has done much better at home in all sorts of ways. Her other son otoh tried it for a bit and then said very firmly that he wanted to go to school, so he does.

Working hard to support dd to attend school doesn't mean I can never teach her anything. In fact, it is the only way I can ever teach her anything, because it's the only time she's not resentful. People who say "Oh, I probably won't send mine to school even in secondary" forget that by the time their children get to secondary they will have ideas of their own.

I think HE is great when both parent and child want to do it. But that is never going to apply to absolutely everybody as per the thread title.

Well of course that's one of the reasons why HE isn't necessarily easy for everyone - a lot of people have pretty poor BS antennae when it comes to the Internet.

Cory: fair point. when I have kids I woulda send them to school if they wanted to go, but it wouldn't be my default option. I wouldn't sends them if they were happy staying at home. I was never given a choice, I should have come out of education in schools before secondary but was kept in against my will so I believe choice is a big thing though I assume mt kids would hate it as much as I did, probably naively!

Lots of people are inclined to teach in schools and turn out to be lousy at it.
Or want to be doctors but are lousy at it.
Or try to be shop assistants / ICT support / cleaners and are lousy at it (etc.)

It follows that some people who try HE will make a hash of it.

"so I believe choice is a big thing though I assume mt kids would hate it as much as I did, probably naively!"

Please don't assume that. They are not you. And schools are different too.

Actually, ConfusedPixie, most of the children I know don't actively hate school.

Even ds, who has no interest in his studies (and resents any attempt of mine to engage his interests) will get up and go to school when he has a rotten cold because he doesn't want to miss what is going on: he likes the teachers, he likes the setup with lots of other young people for him to meet (far larger than any HE group going).

Dd had a bad time during a few years in junior school, due to one particular HT, but she knew even at the time where the problem lay and that, as far as she was concerned, it wasn't with school as such.

I used to expect my children would be like me- shy and academic and happiest at home among their books. I also thought they would be bullied because I was. Instead, they are complete extroverts and never happier than in a crowd. Which just shows that it's best not to have too many expectations, but to listen carefully.

Which is why I think HE was a success with my friend's eldest: she did listen.

Yes that's true. I loved school (as did DH) which is why I'm a bit bemused by DS2's dislike of it.

I think it's surprising how many people seem to think children have to go to school. Though you can see where they get that impression - when you think about letters given out when children's absence from school goes up at all and the fuss made around notifying school's of reasons for absence etc.

So I think people are mostly expressing their surprise having never considered it as an option themselves, and maybe never come across anyone home ed'ing before.

I think YAB slightly U to think anyone inclined to could do it.
It wouldn't suit everyone for lots of reasons.
After all we're all different

I like to think of my children's education as a home-school partnership though. I don't expect them to learn everything at school. I recognise home is at least as important even when they do go to school.

I agree that standard school setting doesn't suit every child. I'm yet to be convinced that the only two answers are mainstream school and home ed.

I could HE if I had to (nuclear apocalypse, maybe). But then my child loves school so HE would not be the best fit for him.

It doesn't help that the only HE family I know in real life are not doing particularly well, partly due to having three children with vastly different skills, tastes and needs.

I don't think anyone can, I know I couldn't but I have massive amounts of respect for those who do.
YABU, but in a good way.

Hence saying probably naively. I know not all kids hate school, even those who were bullied.

Actually, Confused, I don't think I ever associated being bullied with school in particular: after all, my bullies lived in the same community as me, I was just as likely to run into them on my way to the shops or when playing outside; unless I stayed permanently locked in my room, there was no safe way of escaping bullying.

So no, I didn't hate school- I hated bullying with a passion and still do.

What has impressed me in later years is that dc have been taught very firmly at school that something can be done about bullying, that everybody around has a duty to recognise when somebody is being bullied and get the appropriate help, that adults can actually come up with a plan that works. I don't think my teachers knew anything about that. Dc's social skills are way superior to what mine were at that age, and while it may be partly to do with MILs genes, I think it is also to do with good teaching.

Which could of course have been supplied by either school or HE'ing parent. But which never was in my day.

Regarding bullying "that adults can actually come up with a plan that works". Maybe sometimes but not always.

And even though you may live in the same community as the bullies, there is more opportunity for confrontation and coercion of others when you are sharing classes regularly.

I do find it depressing that people seem to assume that their child will be bullied. I think an unintended consequence of the wholly admirable focus on the unacceptability of bullying and the commitment to take it seriously is that people think it's more universal than it actually is. If you see what I mean.

I don't think everyone can home educate successfully, even with the best will in the world. That's especially true if you take your child out of school later, eg in secondary, as by that time the parents are just as institutionalised as the child and it can be quite a challenge to think in different ways.

I think everyone should be aware of the option to home educate because it's clear that school isn't the right environment for all children, and particularly those with special needs. My son has various diagnoses that were inadequately supported for years in schools and he was falling apart by the time we deregistered. We can do a lot for him at home that he couldn't have had in school, but home ed isn't perfect either and there are a lot of areas where he misses out. I do my best to fill those gaps but there aren't always the opportunities and as home educators you sometimes have to accept you can't have it all. On balance, more of his needs are met in HE than they would have been in school, and that's what matters to us.

You do (IMO) have to be a particular personality type to home ed successfully. I'm not going to cause a bunfight by saying what I think that means, because there will always be people who don't fit that idea whose children have done very well. A lot of it is luck - if you have bright, motivated and organised children it's obviously going to take a heck of a lot less parental effort than if they're otherwise. I know of a few parents who've been determined to make it work but just haven't been able to get to grips with it.

Those who say they couldn't are perhaps doing so because they're happy with their children's education situation and see no need to change. I've often had it said to me "Oh, I couldn't do that" but IMO if you're watching your child crumble before your eyes and nobody gives a monkey's chuff about it, you might well consider it. I had never intended to home educate but in the end it was our only alternative. Never say never.